カラマーゾフの兄弟 英文+和訳11 イワン |
2021.10.22 更新2021.10.25, 2021.11.04, 2021.11.06
Chapter 1 At Grushenka's
グルーシェニカの家で
Chapter 2 The Injured Foot 悪い足
Chapter 3 A Little Demon 小悪魔
Chapter 4 A Hymn and a Secret 賛歌と秘密
Chapter 5 Not You, Not You!
あなたじゃない、あなたじゃない！
Chapter 6 The First Interview with <Smerdyakov
スメルジャコフとの最初の面会
Chapter 7 The Second Visit to Smerdyakov
２度目のスメルジャコフ訪問
Chapter 8 The Third and Last Interview with Smerdyakov
スメルジャコフとの３度目の最後の対面
Chapter 9 The Devil. Ivan's Nightmare
悪魔、イワンの悪夢
Chapter 10 "It Was He Who Said That"
「やつがそう言うんだよ！」
●Alyosha went towards the cathedral square to the widow Morozov's house to see Grushenka,
アリョーシャは、行きました｜大聖堂広場の方向に｜未亡人モロゾフの家に｜グルーシェニカに会うため｜、
who had sent Fenya to him early in the morning with an urgent message begging him to come.
グルーシェニカは、送ったのです｜フェーニャを彼の所に｜午前の早くに｜至急メッセージを持たせて｜彼に来てくれという｜。
Questioning Fenya, Alyosha learned that her mistress had been particularly distressed since the previous day.
フェーニャを問いただして、アリョーシャは、知りました｜彼女の奥様は特別に動揺していたことを｜前日から｜。
During the two months that had passed since Mitya's arrest, Alyosha had called frequently at the widow Morozov's house, both from his own inclination and to take messages for Mitya.
ミーチャの逮捕から過ぎ去った２ヶ月の間に、チリョーシャは、訪問しました｜何回も｜未亡人モロゾフの家を｜、両方で｜彼自身の意思から、そして、ミーチャのメッセージを持っていくための｜。
Three days after Mitya's arrest, Grushenka was taken very ill and was ill for nearly five weeks.
ミーチャの逮捕の３日後、グルーシェニカは、ひどい病気にかかり、ほぼ５週間病気でした。
For one whole week she was unconscious. まる１週間、彼女は無意識でした。
She was very much changed - thinner and a little sallow, though she had for the past fortnight been well enough to go out.
彼女は、非常に変化しました -
より細く、少し黄ばんで、しかし、この２週間は、家からでれるほどよくなりました。
But to Alyosha her face was even more attractive than before,
しかし、アリョーシャにとって、彼女の顔は、以前より魅力的ですらありました、
and he liked to meet her eyes when he went in to her.
彼は、彼女の目に会うのが好きでした、彼女のところに入っていった時に。
A look of firmness and intelligent purpose had developed in her face.
堅固さと知的な意味合いの顔つきが、発達していました｜彼女の顔に｜。
There were signs of a spiritual transformation in her,
精神的な変容の兆候が、彼女にありました、
and a steadfast, fine and humble determination that nothing could shake could be discerned in her.
確固たる良質で謙虚な決意｜何物もゆるがすことの出来ない｜、が、彼女のなかに見定めることができました。
There was a small vertical line between her brows which gave her charming face a look of concentrated thought, almost austere at the first glance.
小さい縦線が、彼女の眉間の間にあり、それは、与えました｜彼女の魅力的な顔に、濃い思考の顔つきを｜、それは初見では、かなり厳しいものでした。
There was scarcely a trace of her former frivolity.
殆どありませんでした｜彼女の以前の軽薄さは｜。
●It seemed strange to Alyosha, too,
アリョーシャにも、不思議に思えました、
that in spite of the calamity that had overtaken the poor girl, betrothed to a man who had been arrested for a terrible crime, almost at the instant of their betrothal,
にもかかわらず｜災難｜不幸な少女を襲った｜ひどい罪で逮捕された男と婚約していた｜婚約の瞬間に｜、
in spite of her illness and the almost inevitable sentence hanging over Mitya,
にもかかわらず｜彼女の病気と、ミーチャに差し迫る殆ど不可避の判決｜、
Grushenka had not yet lost her youthful cheerfulness.
グルーシェニカが、未だ、失っていないことは｜彼女の若き日の陽気さを｜。
There was a soft light in the once proud eyes,
柔らかい光がありました｜かつて高慢だった目には｜、
though at times they gleamed with the old vindictive fire when she was visited by one disturbing thought stronger than ever in her heart.
けれども｜時々彼女の目は昔の報復的な炎で輝きました｜心を動揺させる或る一つの思いが彼女に訪れたときに｜彼女の心の中にいつもより強く｜。
The object of that uneasiness was the same as ever - Katerina Ivanovna, of whom Grushenka had even raved when she lay in delirium.
その不安の対象は、ずっと同じ人でした - カテリーナ･イワーノブナ
です、彼女について、グルーシェニカは、うわごとにすらくちばしりました｜精神錯乱で寝ていたときに｜。
Alyosha knew that she was fearfully jealous of her.
アリョーシャは、知っていました｜彼女が彼女に怖ろしいほど嫉妬していることを｜。
Yet Katerina Ivanovna had not once visited Mitya in his prison, though she might have done it whenever she liked.
それでも、カテリーナ･イワーノブナは、一度も、獄中のミーチャを訪問しませんでした、いつでも好きな時に訪問できたにもかかわらず。
All this made a difficult problem for Alyosha,
このすべては、アリョーシャに困難な問題をもたらしました、
for he was the only person to whom Grushenka opened her heart and from whom she was continually asking advice.
というのは、彼は、だったからです｜彼女の唯一のひと｜グルーシェンカが心を開き、いつも助言を求めていた｜。
Sometimes he was unable to say anything. 時々、彼は何も言えなくなりました。
●Full of anxiety he entered her lodging. 不安に満ちて、彼は、彼女の住処に入りました。
She was at home. 彼女は、家にいました。
She had returned from seeing Mitya half an hour before,
彼女は、戻ってきました｜ミーチャに会いに行ってから｜半時間前に｜、
and from the rapid movement with which she leapt up from her chair to meet him he saw that she had been expecting him with great impatience.
早い動きから｜彼女が跳びあがった｜椅子から｜彼を迎えるために｜、彼は、知りました｜彼女は彼を待ち受けていたことを｜非常にイライラしながら｜。
A pack of cards dealt for a game of "fools" lay on the table.
一組のカード｜「馬鹿」ゲームのために配られた｜、が、机の上にありました。
A bed had been made up on the leather sofa on the other side
ベッドが、造られていました｜革張りのソファーに｜反対側の｜、
and Maximov lay, half reclining, on it.
マクシーモフが、そこに寝ていました、半身よりかかって。
He wore a dressing gown and a cotton nightcap, and was evidently ill and weak, though he was smiling blissfully.
彼は、着ていました｜ドレッシング･ガウンと綿のナイトキャップを｜、明らかに病弱でした、満足げに笑ってはいましたが。
When the homeless old man returned with Grushenka from Mokroe two months before, he had simply stayed on and was still staying with her.
このホームレスの老人が、戻ってきたとき｜グルーシェニカとモークロエから２ヶ月前に｜、彼は、そのまま住みつき、なおも留まっています。
He arrived with her in rain and sleet, sat down on the sofa, drenched and scared, and gazed mutely at her with a timid, appealing smile.
彼は、到着しました｜彼女と雨とみぞれの中に｜、ソファーに座りました、ずぶぬれでおびえながら、そして見つめました｜だまって彼女を、気の小さい哀願する笑みを浮かべて｜。
Grushenka, who was in terrible grief and in the first stage of fever, almost forgot his existence in all she had to do the first half hour after her arrival.
グルーシェニカは、ひどい悲しみと、発熱の第一段階にいましたが、殆ど彼の存在を忘れていました｜なさねばならない色々な事のなかで｜家に着いてからの最初の30分間｜。
Suddenly she chanced to look at him intently: ふいに彼女は、たまたま彼をひたとみつめました。
he laughed a pitiful, helpless little laugh. 彼は、笑いました｜哀れで、頼りない小さな笑いを｜。
She called Fenya and told her to give him something to eat.
彼女は、フェーニャを呼び、告げました｜彼に何か食べるものを与えるように｜。
All that day he sat in the same place, almost without stirring.
その日中、彼は、同じ場所に座っていました、殆ど動かずに。
When it got dark and the shutters were closed, Fenya asked her mistress:
暗くなり、雨戸が閉められたとき、フェーニャは、奥様に尋ねました：
"Is the gentleman going to stay the night, mistress?"
「あのお方は、今晩お泊りですか、奥様？」
"Yes; make him a bed on the sofa," answered Grushenka.
「ええ、ソファの上にベッドを作って。」 グルーシェニカは、答えました。
●Questioning him more in detail, Grushenka learned from him that he had literally nowhere to go,
彼にもっと詳しく質問して、グルーシェニカは、知りました、彼は、文字通り、行き場所がなく、
and that "Mr. Kalganov, my benefactor, told me straight that he wouldn't receive me again and gave me five roubles."
「私の恩人のカルガーノフさんが、私にはっきりともう面倒はみないと言われ、５ルーブルもらった」ことを。
●"Well, God bless you, you'd better stay, then," Grushenka decided in her grief, smiling compassionately at him.
「そう、神の祝福がありますように、それじゃ、お留まりなさい。」
グルーシェニカは、悲しみのうちに決断しました、思いやりの心で彼に笑いかけながら。
Her smile wrung the old man's heart and his lips twitched with grateful tears.
彼女の笑みは、老人の心を痛ませ、彼の唇はひきつりました｜感謝の涙で｜。
And so the destitute wanderer had stayed with her ever since.
そて、この極貧のさまよい人は、彼女の家にずっと留まることになりました。
He did not leave the house even when she was ill.
彼は、家からでて行きませんでした｜彼女が病気になったときも｜。
Fenya and her grandmother, the cook, did not turn him out, but went on serving him meals and making up his bed on the sofa.
フェーニャと、料理番の彼女の祖母も、彼を追い出す事はせず、彼に食事を与えソファーにベッドを作る事を続けました。
Grushenka had grown used to him, グルーシェニカも、彼に慣れました、
and coming back from seeing Mitya (whom she had begun to visit in prison before she was really well) she would sit down and begin talking to "Maximushka" about trifling matters, to keep her from thinking of her sorrow.
そて、ミーチェとの面会から戻って来ると(彼女は、獄中の彼への訪問を彼女ん゛本当に良くなる前に始めました)、彼女は、腰をおろし、マクシーモフに、ささいなことがらについて話かけました、彼女の悲しみについて考えることを避けるために。
The old man turned out to be a good story-teller on occasions, so that at last he became necessary to her.
老人は、折に触れていい話家であることがわかり、ついには、彼は、彼女に必要になりました。
Grushenka saw scarcely anyone else beside Alyosha, who did not come every day and never stayed long.
グルーシェニカは、アリョーシャ以外の人にはめったに会いませんでしたが、アリョーシャは、毎日は来ませんでしたし、決して長居はしませんでした。
Her old merchant lay seriously ill at this time, "at his last gasp" as they said in the town,
彼女の老商人は、この時、重病で寝ていて、町の人達の言うには「彼の最後のあえぎ」状態でした、
and he did, in fact, die a week after Mitya's trial.
そして、彼は、実際、亡くなりました、ミーチャの判決後１週間で。
Three weeks before his death, feeling the end approaching, he made his sons, their wives and children, come upstairs to him at last and bade them not leave him again.
彼の死の３週間前、死が近づいているのを感じて、彼は、息子達と、その妻とその子供達を、二階の彼の所に来させて、彼のそばを離れるなと命じました。
From that moment he gave strict orders to his servants not to admit Grushenka and to tell her if she came, "The master wishes you long life and happiness and tells you to forget him."
この瞬間から、彼は、与えました｜厳しい命令を召使たちに｜グルーシェンカを家に入れず、彼女が来たときには「主人は、あなたに長寿と幸せをお祈りし、彼のことは忘れてくださいと仰せです」と告げるようにという｜。
But Grushenka sent almost every day to inquire after him.
しかし、グルーシェンカは、殆ど毎日、彼の容態を問う使いを送りました。
●"You've come at last!" she cried, flinging down the cards and joyfully greeting Alyosha,
「やっと来てくれたのね！」
彼女は、叫びました、カードを放り投げ、嬉しそうにアリョーシャを迎えながら、
"and Maximushka's been scaring me that perhaps you wouldn't come.
「マクシーモフは、私を脅かしてたのよ、あなたは多分来ないって、
Ah, how I need you! Sit down to the table. What will you have
- coffee?"
あなたに来てほしかった！ テーブルについて。何にする、コーヒー？」
●"Yes, please," said Alyosha, sitting down at the table.
「はい、お願いします。」 アリョーシャは、いいました、テーブルにつきながら。
"I am very hungry." 「おなかがすいています。」
●"That's right. Fenya, Fenya, coffee," cried Grushenka.
「わかりました、フェーニャ、フェーニャ、コーヒー。」 グルーシェニカは、叫びました。
"It's been made a long time ready for you.
「随分時間がたってるの｜出せるようになってから｜。
And bring some little pies, and mind they are hot.
いくつか小さなパイもね、気を付けて熱いのを出してね。
Do you know, we've had a storm over those pies today.
知ってる、ひと悶着あったのよ、パイについて、今日。
I took them to the prison for him, and would you believe it, he threw them back to me: he would not eat them.
監獄に彼のために持って行ったの、そしたら、信じられる、彼は、私に投げ返したの： 食べないって。
He flung one of them on the floor and stamped on it. 一個放り投げて、踏みつけたの。
So I said to him: 'I shall leave them with the warder;
私は、彼に言ったわ、「番兵さんに預けておきますから、
if you don't eat them before evening, it will be that your venomous spite is enough for you!'
もし、あなたが、夜まで食べないなら、あなたの有毒な悪意で、あなたは十分ということね！」
With that I went away. We quarrelled again, would you believe it?
そう言って、去ったの。また喧嘩しちゃった、信じられる？
Whenever I go we quarrel." 行くたびに、喧嘩してる！」
●Grushenka said all this in one breath in her agitation.
グルーシェニカは、言いました｜このすべてを興奮して一息で｜。
Maximov, feeling nervous, at once smiled and looked on the floor.
マクシーモフは、神経質に感じながら、すぐに笑って、床を見ました。
●"What did you quarrel about this time?" asked Alyosha.
「何について喧嘩したの、今回は？」 アリョーシャは、尋ねました。
●"I didn't expect it in the least. 「私は、少しも、予想していなかったの。
Only fancy, he is jealous of the Pole. 'Why are you keeping him?' he said.
ただの幻想よ、彼は、あのポーランド人に嫉妬しているの。「何故、あいつを養っているんだ？」ていうの。
'So you've begun keeping him.' 「おまえは、彼を養い始めただろう。」 って。
He is jealous, jealous of me all the time, jealous eating and sleeping!
彼は嫉妬してるの、いつも私に嫉妬しているの、食べるときも寝るときも嫉妬しているの！。
He even took into his head to be jealous of Kuzma last week."
彼は、思い付きさえしたわ｜サムソーノフのことも嫉妬しようと、先週｜。」
●"But he knew about the Pole before?"
「でも、兄さんは、そのポーランド人について、前から知ってたかい？」
●"Yes, but there it is. 「ええ、でも、そこよ。
He has known about him from the very beginning,
彼は、知ってたわ｜彼について最初から｜。
but today he suddenly got up and began scolding about him.
でも、今日、彼は、突然起き上がって、彼について怒り始めたの。
I am ashamed to repeat what he said. Silly fellow!
恥ずかしくて、彼が言ったことをくり返せないわ！ ばかな人！
Rakitin went in as I came out.
ラキーチンが入ってきたわ、私が出て来た時。
Perhaps Rakitin is egging him on.
多分、ラキーチンが、彼をけしかけているのよ。
What do you think?" she added carelessly.
どう思う？」 彼女は、付け加えました、ぞんざいに。
●"He loves you, that's what it is; he loves you so much.
「彼は、あなたを愛している、まさにその通り、彼はあなたを大変愛している。
And now he is particularly worried." そして今、彼は特に、やもきしている。」
●"I should think he might be, with the trial tomorrow.
「彼がやきもきするのも当然と思うわ、明日に裁判をひかえて。
And I went to him to say something about tomorrow, for I dread to think what's going to happen then.
それで、私は彼の所に行ったの｜明日のことについて話すため｜、私は、怖いの｜何が起こるかと思うと｜。
You say that he is worried, but how worried I am!
あなたは、彼がやきもきしてるというけど、私もなんてやきもきしていることか！
And he talks about the Pole! He's too silly!
彼は、あのポーランド人についても話すの。おばかさん。
He is not jealous of Maximushka yet, anyway."
彼は、マクシーモフについては、嫉妬していないわ、とにかく。」
●"My wife was dreadfully jealous over me, too," Maximov put in his word.
「私の妻も、怖ろしく私に嫉妬している(焼餅を焼いている)よ。」 マクシームフは、割り込んで言いました。
●"Jealous of you?" Grushenka laughed in spite of herself.
「あなたに焼餅ですって？」 グルーシェンカは、おもわず笑いました。
"Of whom could she have been jealous?" 「誰に嫉妬したりしたんですって？」
●"Of the servant girls." 「小間使いの女の子たちですよ。」
●"Hold your tongue, Maximushka, I am in no laughing mood now; I feel angry.
「口を謹んで、まくしーもふ、私は、笑う気分じゃないわ、今； 私は、怒ってるの。
Don't ogle the pies. I shan't give you any;
パイをじろじろ見ないで。 あなたには、一つもあげないわ；
they are not good for you, and I won't give you any vodka either.
あなたの健康によくないわ、そして、ウォッカもあげないからね。
I have to look after him, too, just as though I kept an almshouse," she laughed.
私は、彼の面倒もみないといけないの、まるで救貧院を経営してるみたい。」 彼女は笑いました。
●"I don't deserve your kindness. I am a worthless creature," said Maximov, with tears in his voice.
「私は、あなたの親切に値しません。私はも無価値な存在です。」
マクシーモフは、言いました、彼の声には涙がありました。
"You would do better to spend your kindness on people of more use than me."
「あなたは、あなたの親切を使うべきです｜私よりもっと役に立つ人に｜。」
●"Ech, everyone is of use, Maximushka, and how can we tell who's of most use?
「えっ、みんな役に立つよ、マクシーモフ、 どうしたら言えるの｜誰が最も役立つって｜？
If only that Pole didn't exist, Alyosha.
あのポーランド人がいなくさえあればいいのに、アリョーシャ。
He's taken it into his head to fall ill, too, today. I've been to see him also.
彼は、病気になることを思い付いたのよ、今日。私も、彼に会いに行ってきたわ。
And I shall send him some pies, too, on purpose.
私は、賭けに、パイをいくつか送るわ、わざとね。
I hadn't sent him any, but Mitya accused me of it, so now I shall send some!
私は、少しも送ったことがない、でも、ミーチャは、送ったと咎めるの、だから、いくつか送ってやるわ。
Ah, here's Fenya with a letter! Yes, it's from the Poles - begging again!"
あら、フェーニャよ、手紙を持って！ そう、あのポーランド人からよ。また、物乞いしてるわ。」
●Pan Mussyalovitch had indeed sent an extremely long and characteristically eloquent letter in which he begged her to lend him three roubles.
ムシャロヴィッチは、実際、送ってきました｜非常に長く、特徴的に雄弁な手紙を｜、その手紙で、彼は、３ルーブル貸してくれるように懇願していました。
In the letter was enclosed a receipt for the sum, with a promise to repay it within three months, signed by Pan Vrublevsky as well.
手紙の中に、同封されていました｜総額の受領書が｜、ともに｜払い戻しの約束書と｜３ヶ月いないに払戻すという｜ヴルブレフスキーによってサインされた｜。
Grushenka had received many such letters, accompanied by such receipts, from her former lover during the fortnight of her convalescence.
グルーシェニカは、受け取っていました｜多くのそのような手紙を｜そのような領収書がついた｜彼女の前の愛人からの｜彼女の回復期の２週間の間に｜。
But she knew that the two Poles had been to ask after her health during her illness.
しかし、彼女は、知っていました｜二人のポーランド人がやってきたことを｜彼女の健康を尋ねるために｜彼女の病気の間｜。
The first letter Grushenka got from them was a long one, written on large notepaper and with a big family crest on the seal.
最初の手紙｜グルーシェニカが彼らから受け取った｜、は、長い手紙でした、大きなノート紙に書かれ、封印には大きな家族紋章がついていました。
It was so obscure and rhetorical that Grushenka put it down before she had read half, unable to make head or tail of it.
それは、非常に曖昧で美辞麗句に書かれていたので、グルーシェニカは、下に置いてしまいました｜理解することができず｜。
She could not attend to letters then. 彼女は、手紙に関心を向ける事ができなくなりました。
The first letter was followed next day by another in which Pan Mussyalovitch begged her for a loan of two thousand roubles for a very short period.
最初の手紙につづき、来ました｜翌日、別の手紙が｜、その中で、ムシャロヴィッチは、懇願しました｜2000ルーブルの借款を｜非常に短期間の｜。
Grushenka left that letter, too, unanswered. グルーシェンカは、放っておきました｜その手紙も、返事することなく｜。
A whole series of letters had followed - one every day - all as pompous and rhetorical,
一連の手紙が続きました - 毎日一つ - みんなもったいぶっていて、美辞麗句でした。
but the loan asked for, gradually diminishing, dropped to a hundred roubles, then to twenty-five, to ten,
しかし、頼まれる借金は、段々減少して、100ルーブルにまで落ち、25まで落ち、10まで落ちました、
and finally Grushenka received a letter in which both the Poles begged her for only one rouble and included a receipt signed by both.
そして最後に、グルーシェニカは、手紙を受け取りました、そこには、二人のポーランド人は、たったの1ルーブルを懇願し、二人がサインした領収書も含まれていました。
●Then Grushenka suddenly felt sorry for them,
そのとき、グルーシェニカは、急に、彼らに気の毒と感じました。
and at dusk she went round herself to their lodging.
そして、夕暮れに、立ち寄りました、彼らの住処に。
She found the two Poles in great poverty, almost destitution, without food or fuel, without cigarettes, in debt to their landlady.
彼女は、見出しました｜二人のポーランド人が非常に貧乏なことを｜、ほぼ極貧で、食糧も燃料もなく、タバコも無く、女家主に借金がありました。
The two hundred roubles they had carried off from Mitya at Mokroe had soon disappeared.
200ルーブル｜彼らが持ち去った｜ミーチャから｜モークロエで｜、く、すぐに消え去りました。
But Grushenka was surprised at their meeting her with arrogant dignity and self-assertion, with the greatest punctilio and pompous speeches.
しかし、グルーシェニカは、驚きました｜彼らが彼女に会ったことに｜傲慢な威厳と自己主張、最大級の形式張った、偉そうな話しぶりで｜。
Grushenka simply laughed, and gave her former admirer ten roubles.
グルーシェニカは、単純に笑いました、そして、与えました｜彼女のかつての崇拝者に10ルーブルを｜。
Then, laughing, she told Mitya of it and he was not in the least jealous.
そして、笑ながら、ミーチャに話しました｜そのことを｜、彼は、少しも、嫉妬しませんでした。
But ever since, the Poles had attached themselves to Grushenka and bombarded her daily with requests for money
しかし、それ以来ずっと、ポーランド人達は、グルーシェンカにまとわりつき、爆弾攻撃しました｜毎日お金の要求で｜、
and she had always sent them small sums.
彼女は、いつも、彼らに小量のお金を送りました。
And now that day Mitya had taken it into his head to be fearfully jealous.
そして、その日の今、ミーチャは、おそろしいほど嫉妬することに決めました。
●"Like a fool, I went round to him just for a minute, on the way to see Mitya, for he is ill, too, my Pole," Grushenka began again with nervous haste.
「馬鹿のように、私は、行ったの｜回り道して彼の所に１分程ミーチャに会いにいく途中に｜、なぜなら、彼は病気だしね。私のポールちゃんは。」
グルーシェニカは、始めました｜神経質に急いで｜。
"I was laughing, telling Mitya about it. 'Fancy,' I said,
「私は、笑ってたわ、ミーチャにそのことを言いながらね、『おやまあ』、私は、言ったの、
'my Pole had the happy thought to sing his old songs to me
to the guitar. He thought I would be touched and marry him!' ..
『私のポールちゃんは、楽しくなって、昔の歌を歌うの｜私にギターに合わせて｜。彼は、思ったのね。私が感動して、彼と結婚するかもって。』
Mitya leapt up swearing.. ミーチャは、跳びあがって、悪態をつきはじめたの....
So, there, I'll send them the pies! そうね、ほら、私は、彼らにパイを贈るわ。
Fenya, is it that little girl they've sent? フェーニャ、あの小っちゃい子を、彼らがよこしたの？
Here, give her three roubles and pack up a dozen pies in a paper and tell her to take them.
ほら、その子に、３ルーブルあげて、パイを12個紙に包んで、彼女に持っていくように言って。
And you, Alyosha, be sure to tell Mitya that I did send them the pies."
そして、あなた、アリョーシャ、きっとミーチャに、私が彼らにパイを贈ったって言うのよ。」
●"I wouldn't tell him for anything," said Alyosha, smiling.
「私は、彼に、断じて、言いませんよ。」 アリョーシャは、言いました、笑ながら。
●"Ech! You think he is unhappy about it. 「えっ。彼は、それを聞いてうれしくないと思うのね。
Why, he's jealous on purpose. He doesn't care," said Grushenka bitterly.
おや、彼は、わざと嫉妬してるのよ。彼は、どうでもいいのよ。」 グルーシェニカは、激しく言いました。
●"On purpose?" queried Alyosha. 「わざと？」 アリョーシャは、問いました。
●"I tell you you are silly, Alyosha. 「あなたは、おばかさんね、アリョーシャ。
You know nothing about it, with all your cleverness.
あなたは、何もわからないのね、そんなに賢いのに。
I am not offended that he is jealous of a girl like me.
私は、おこらないの、彼が、私のような女の子に嫉妬しても。
I would be offended if he were not jealous. 私は、怒るかも、彼が嫉妬しなかったら。
I am like that. I am not offended at jealousy. 私は、そんなひと。私は、嫉妬には、怒らないの。
I have a fierce heart, too. I can be jealous myself. 私は、激しい心を持ってる。自分にも嫉妬できる。
Only what offends me is that he doesn't love me at all.
私を怒らせる唯一のことは、彼が私を少しも愛してないこと。
I tell you he is jealous now on purpose. 言いますけど、彼は、今、わざと嫉妬してるんです。
Am I blind? Don't I see? 私は、目暗？ 私はわかってないって？
He began talking to me just now of that woman, of Katerina, saying she was this and that,
彼は、話し始めたわ、今、あの女について、カテリーナについて、彼女は、言うの｜ああやこうやだと｜｜｜、
how she had ordered a doctor from Moscow for him, to try and save him;
言うの｜彼女がモスクワから医者を呼んだことを｜彼をたすけるために｜、
how she had ordered the best counsel, the most learned one, too.
言うの｜彼女は最もいい弁護士を頼んだ、最も学識のある人を頼んだとも｜。
So he loves her, if he'll praise her to my face, more shame to him!
彼は、彼女を愛してるの。もし、面と向かって彼女を讃えたりしたら、恥しらず！
He's treated me badly himself, 彼は、私の事を、あしざまに扱うの、
so he attacked me, to make out I am in fault first and to throw it all on me.
私を攻撃するの、私が最初に誤ったことにして、すべてを私になすりつけるために。
'You were with your Pole before me, so I can't be blamed for Katerina,' that's what it amounts to.
「お前は、私より先にお前のPoleと一緒だった。だからカテリーナのことで非難するな。」
これが、結論よ。
He wants to throw the whole blame on me. 彼は、すべての非難を私に投げつけたいの。
He attacked me on purpose, on purpose, I tell you, but I'll..."
彼は私を攻撃するの、わざとよ、わざとよ。私はね....」
●Grushenka could not finish saying what she would do.
グルーシェニカは、終える事ができませんでした、何をしたいか言いながら。
She hid her eyes in her handkerchief and sobbed violently.
彼女は、ハンカチで目を隠し、はげしく泣きました。
●"He doesn't love Katerina Ivanovna," said Alyosha firmly.
「彼は、カテリーナを愛していないよ。」 アリョーシャは、きっぱりと言いました。
●"Well, whether he loves her or not, I'll soon find out for myself," said Grushenka, with a menacing note in her voice, taking the handkerchief from her eyes.
「はて、彼が彼女を愛しているのかいないのか、私は、すぐ、自分で確かめるわ。」
グルーシェニカは、言いました、声に威嚇するような響きがありました、目からハンカチを離しながら。
Her face was distorted. 彼女の顔は、ひずんでいました。
Alyosha saw sorrowfully that from being mild and serene, it had become sullen and spiteful.
アリョーシャは、悲しそうに眺めました、彼女の顔は、温厚で清廉だったのに、不機嫌でいじわるになったのです。
●"Enough of this foolishness," she said suddenly; "it's not for that I sent for you.
「こんな愚かなことは、もうたくさん。」
彼女は突然言いました。「このためにあなたに来てもらったんじゃないわ。」
Alyosha, darling, tomorrow - what will happen tomorrow?
アリョーシャ、ねえ、ダーリン、 明日、何が起こるの、明日？
That's what worries me! それが私をわずらわすの！
And it's only me it worries! それがわずらわすのは、私だけなの！
I look at everyone and no one is thinking of it. 皆を見ても、誰も、そのことを考えてないの。
No one cares about it. Are you thinking about it even?
誰もかまわないの。あなたは、考えてますか？
Tomorrow he'll be tried, you know. Tell me, how will he be tried?
明日、裁判にかかるの。教えて、どんな裁判になるの？
You know it's the valet, the valet killed him! Good heavens!
知ってるわ、あれは下男よ、下男が彼を殺したのよ、たいへん。
Can they condemn him in place of the valet and will no one stand up for him?
下男の替わりに、彼を非難したりできるの？ 誰も、彼のために立ち上がらないの。
They haven't troubled the valet at all, have they?"
あの下男を、厳しく調べたの？
●"He's been severely cross-examined," observed Alyosha thoughtfully;
「彼は、厳しく尋問されました。」 アリョーシャは、意見をのべました、考え深い様子で。
"but everyone came to the conclusion it was not he.
「しかし、みんなは、結論に達した｜それは彼ではないという｜。
Now he is lying very ill. いま、彼は、病気で寝ている。
He has been ill ever since that attack. Really ill," added Alyosha.
彼は、病気だ｜あの攻撃以来ずっと｜。本当に病気だ。」 アリョーシャは、付け加えました。
●"Oh, dear! couldn't you go to that counsel yourself and tell him the whole thing by yourself?
「ねえ、あなた、あの弁護士の所に行って、すべてのことをあなたから話してくれない・
He's been brought from Petersburg for three thousand roubles, they say."
彼は、ペテルブルグからつれてこられてるのよ｜300ルーブルで｜。」
●"We gave these three thousand together - Ivan, Katerina Ivanovna and I -
「私達が、この3000ルーブルを一緒に払ったんだ - イワン、カテリーナと僕 -、
but she paid two thousand for the doctor from Moscow herself.
でも、彼女は、払ったんだ｜2000ルーブル、モスクワからの医者に彼女だけで｜。
The counsel Fetyukovitch would have charged more,
弁護士は、もっとたくさん請求したでしょう、
but the case has become known all over Russia;
しかし、このケースは、ロシア中で有名になったし
it's talked of in all the papers and journals.
それは、話されている｜あらゆる新聞や雑誌で｜
Fetyukovitch agreed to come more for the glory of the thing,
フェチュコーヴィチは、合意した｜来ることに｜もっと栄光のために｜。
because the case has become so notorious. I saw him yesterday."
このケースは、とても、悪名たかくなりましたからね。私は、昨日、会いました。」
●"Well? Did you talk to him?" Grushenka put in eagerly.
「え、昨日お話したのですか？」 グルーシェーニカは、はやる思いで言いました。
●"He listened and said nothing. 「彼は、聞いて、何も言わなかった。
He told me that he had already formed his opinion.
彼は、言ったよ｜すでに自分の意見をまとめたって｜。
But he promised to give my words consideration."
でも、約束してくれた｜僕の説明にも考慮してくれるって｜。
●"Consideration! Ah, they are swindlers! They'll ruin him.
「おめとう！ ああ、彼らは、詐欺師よ！ 彼を亡ぼそうとしている！
And why did she send for the doctor?" どうて、彼女は、医者を呼んだの？」
●"As an expert. 「専門医としてです。
They want to prove that Mitya's mad and committed the murder when he didn't know what he was doing,"
彼らは、証明しようとしている｜ミーチャは、気がふれていて、殺人を犯した｜何をしてるか知らずに｜、ということを｜。
Alyosha smiled gently, "but Mitya won't agree to that."
アリョーシャは、おとなしく笑いました、「でもミーチャは、同意しないだろう。」
●"Yes; but that would be the truth if he had killed him!" cried Grushenka.
「ええ、でも、それは本当よ｜もし彼が殺したのなら｜。」グルーシェニカは、叫びました。
"He was mad then, perfectly mad, and that was my fault, wretch that I am!
「彼は、狂ってた、完全にくるってた、それは私のせいなの、私は悪者ね！
But, of course, he didn't do it, he didn't do it!
でも、勿論、彼は殺さなかった、殺さなかった！
And they are all against him, the whole town.
みんな、彼に反対している。町中が。
Even Fenya's evidence went to prove he had done it.
フェーナの証言だって、彼が殺したことを証明した。
And the people at the shop, and that official, and at the tavern, too, before, people had heard him say so!
店の連中、あのお役人、それに、料理屋でも、以前、彼がそう言うのを聞いたことがあるって！
They are all, all against him, all crying out against him."
彼らは、みんな、彼に反対している。みんな、彼に反対して叫んでいる。」
●"Yes, there's a fearful accumulation of evidence," Alyosha observed grimly.
「ええ、怖ろしいほど、証拠が蓄積している。」 アリョーシャは、顔をゆがめて意見を述べました。
●"And Grigory - Grigory Vassilyevitch - sticks to his story that the door was open, persists that he saw it - there's no shaking him.
「そして、グリゴーリーも、固執します｜ドアは開いていたという彼の話に｜、見たと主張します、彼をぐらつかせることはできません。
I went and talked to him myself. He's rude about it, too."
私は、行って彼と話しました。彼は、無礼なの。」
●"Yes, that's perhaps the strongest evidence against him," said Alyosha.
「ええ、それは、彼に対する最強の証拠でしょうね。」 アリョーシャは、言いました。
●"And as for Mitya's being mad, he certainly seems like it now," Grushenka began with a peculiarly anxious and mysterious air.
「そして、ミーチャが気がくるってる件について、彼は、確かにそうらしいの。」
グルーシェンカは、特別に心配そうで謎めいた様子で、語りはじめました。
"Do you know, Alyosha, I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a long time.
「あのね、アリョーシャ、私は、待っていたの｜あなたとそのことについて話そうと｜長い間｜。
I go to him every day and simply wonder at him.
私は、毎日彼のところに行くけど、単純に、彼が不思議なの。
Tell me, now, what do you suppose he's always talking about?
おしえて、彼は、いつも何について話しているのだと思う？
He talks and talks and I can make nothing of it.
彼は、話に話すんだけど、私には、何もわからないの。
I fancied he was talking of something intellectual that I couldn't understand in my foolishness.
私は、想像するわ、彼は、何か知的な事を話しているんだけど、私は、おばかで、わからないんだと。
Only he suddenly began talking to me about a babe - that is, about some child.
ただ、彼は、突然、赤ん坊のことについて話し始めたの
だれか子供について。
'Why is the babe poor?' he said. 「どうしてあの赤ん坊は、まずしいんだ？」 彼は言ったの。
'It's for that babe I am going to Siberia now.
その赤ん坊のために、私は、シベリアに行くんだ。
I am not a murderer, but I must go to Siberia!'
僕は、殺人者ではない、でも、私はシベリアに行かないといけない。」
What that meant, what babe, I couldn't tell for the life of me.
それは何なの、どの赤ん坊、私には、金輪際、わからないわ。
Only I cried when he said it, because he said it so nicely.
ただ、私は、泣いたの、彼がそれを話す時、なぜって、彼はとても素敵に話したから。
He cried himself, and I cried, too. 彼も泣いたし、私も泣いた。
He suddenly kissed me and made the sign of the cross over me.
彼は、突然、私にキスして、私の上で、十字架のサインをしたの。
What did it mean, Alyosha, tell me? What is this babe?"
何の意味、アリョーシャ、教えて？ この赤ん坊は何？」
●"It must be Rakitin, who's been going to see him lately," smiled Alyosha, "though... that's not Rakitin's doing.
「それは、ラキーチンに違いない、彼は最近、兄に会いにいくようになったんです。」
アリョーシャは、笑いました。「でも、それは、ラキーチンのせいではない。
I didn't see Mitya yesterday. I'll see him today."
私は、昨日は、ミーチャに会わなかった。今日は、会いましょう。」
●"No, it's not Rakitin; it's his brother Ivan Fyodorovitch upsetting him.
「いいえ、ラキーチンじゃない。彼の弟のイワンこそが、彼を苦しめてるの。
It's his going to see him, that's what it is," Grushenka began, and suddenly broke off.
彼が会いにいくからよ。それが理由。」 グルーシェニカは、話し始め、突然に止めました。
Alyosha gazed at her in amazement. アリョーシャは、驚いて、彼女をながめました。
●"Ivan's going? Has he been to see him? 「イワンが行ってる？ 彼が会いに行ったって・
Mitya told me himself that Ivan hasn't been once."
ミーチャは、私に言ったよ、イワンは、一度も来なかったって。」
●"There... there! What a girl I am! Blurting things out!" exclaimed Grushenka, confused and suddenly blushing. "Stay, Alyosha, hush!
「あれ、あれ、なんて子だ、私は！ うっかりしゃべっちゃった。」
グルーシェニカは叫びました、混乱し、突然、赤面しました、「待って、アリョーシャ、静かに。
Since I've said so much I'll tell the whole truth - he's been to see him twice, the first directly he arrived.
だいぶしゃべっちゃったので、全部言うわ - 彼は、２回会いに来たの、最初は、彼がここに到着してすぐ。
He galloped here from Moscow at once, of course, before I was taken ill;
彼は、全速力で、モスクワからここに来たの、勿論、私が病気になる前よ；
and the second time was a week ago. ２度目は、１週間前。
He told Mitya not to tell you about it, under any circumstances; and not to tell anyone,
彼は、ミーチャにあなたに言うなと言ったの、どんな状きょあになっても、誰にも言うなって、
in fact. He came secretly." 実際、彼は、ここに秘密に来たの。」
●Alyosha sat plunged in thought, considering something.
アリョーシャは、考えにふけって座っていました、何かを考えています。
The news evidently impressed him. このニュースは、明らかに彼に影響を与えました。
●"Ivan doesn't talk to me of Mitya's case," he said slowly.
「イワンは、ミーチャの事件について、私に話さないんです。」 彼は、ゆっくり言いました。
"He's said very little to me these last two months.
「彼は、この２ヶ月間殆ど私にしゃべりませんでした。
And whenever I go to see him, he seems vexed at my coming,
そして、どこに会いに行っても、彼は、イライラしているようでした｜私が来ることに｜。
so I've not been to him for the last three weeks.
私は、彼の所に、行きませんでした、この３週間・
H'm!... if he was there a week ago... there certainly has been a change in Mitya this week."
ふむ、もしイワンが１週間前に来たのなら、ミーチャに変化があったのですね、今週。」
●"There has been a change," Grushenka assented quickly.
「変化がありました。」 グルーシェニカは、すばやく同意しました。
"They have a secret, they have a secret! 「彼らは、秘密を持っている、
Mitya told me himself there was a secret, and such a secret that Mitya can't rest.
ミーチャは、自ら、秘密があると言ったわ、ミーチャが、放っておけない秘密が。
Before then, he was cheerful - and, indeed, he is cheerful now -
それ以前、彼は陽気だった - そして、実に、今、彼は陽気よ。
but when he shakes his head like that, you know, and strides about the room and keeps pulling at the hair on his right temple with his right hand, I know there is something on his mind worrying him....
しかし、彼が、あんな風に頭を振ったり、部屋の中を歩き回ったり、右手で右のこめかみで髪の毛をひっぱったりしていると、分かるの、何か彼の心の中に彼をイライラさせるものがあるのよ。
I know! He was cheerful before, though, indeed, he is cheerful today."
分かる。彼は陽気だった。彼は、今日は陽気だけどね。」
●"But you said he was worried." 「彼は、イライラしてるていったよね。」
●"Yes, he is worried and yet cheerful. 「ええ、彼は、いらいらしてるけど、でも、陽気よ。
He keeps on being irritable for a minute and then cheerful and then irritable again.
彼は、続けるの｜１分間怒りっぽく、陽気になり、また怒りっぽくなるてことを｜。
And you know, Alyosha, I am constantly wondering at him -
アリョーシャ、あなたも知ってるように、私は、いつも彼の事が、不思議なの
with this awful thing hanging over him, he sometimes laughs at such trifles as though he were a baby himself."
怖ろしいことが差し迫っているのに、彼は、時々、つまらないことで笑うの、まるで自分が赤ちゃんかのように。」
●"And did he really tell you not to tell me about Ivan? Did he say, 'Don't tell him'?"
「彼は本当に言ったの、イワンのことについて言うなって？ 言ったの『言うな』って？」
●"Yes, he told me, 'Don't tell him.' It's you that Mitya's most afraid of.
「ええ、言ったわ。ミーチャが最も恐れているのは、あなたなのよ。
Because it's a secret: he said himself it was a secret.
秘密だからよ： 彼は言ったわ、それは秘密だって。
Alyosha, darling, go to him and find out what their secret is and come and tell me," Grushenka besought him with sudden eagerness.
ねえ、アリョーシャ、彼のところに行って、彼らの秘密が何かをみつけて、戻ってきて、教えて。」
グルーシェニカは、彼に、嘆願しました、突然熱心になって。
"Set my mind at rest that I may know the worst that's in store for me.
「私の心を安静にしてください、私を待ち受けている最悪のものを知ることができるように。
That's why I sent for you." そのためにあなたを呼んだのよ。」
●"You think it's something to do with you?
「あなたは思っているんですか、それがあなたに関係あることだと？
If it were, he wouldn't have told you there was a secret."
もしそうなら、彼は、秘密があるなんてあなたに言わなかったでしょうに。」
●"I don't know. Perhaps he wants to tell me, but doesn't
dare to.
「わかりません。多分、私に言いたかったけど、思い切ってできなかったのかも。
He warns me. There is a secret, he tells me, but he won't tell me what it is."
彼は警告するの。秘密があると、彼は言うの。でも、それが何かは教えないの。」
●"What do you think yourself?" 「自分では、どう考えますか？」
●"What do I think? It's the end for me, that's what I think.
「どう思うかって？ それは、私の終わりよ、そのように私は考えます。
They all three have been plotting my end, for Katerina's in it.
彼ら３人が、計画してきたのよ｜私の最後を｜、カーチャが中にいるから。
It's all Katerina, it all comes from her. 全部カーチャよ。みんな、彼女からくるのよ。
She is this and that, and that means that I am not.
彼女は、あれやこれなのよ。それは、私はそうでないことを意味するのよ。
He tells me that beforehand - warns me. 彼は、私に、前もって告げるの - 警告するの・
He is planning to throw me over, that's the whole secret.
彼は、私を捨てようと計画してるの、それが秘密のすべてよ。
They've planned it together, the three of them - Mitya,
Katerina, and Ivan Fyodorovitch.
彼らは、一緒に、３人で計画したのよ
- ミーチャとカテリーナとイワン。
Alyosha, I've been wanting to ask you a long time.
アリョーシャ、私はあなたに尋ねようと、長い間待ってたわ。
A week ago he suddenly told me that Ivan was in love with Katerina, because he often goes to see her.
１週間前、彼は突然私に言ったの、イワンがカテリーナを愛してるって、彼はしばしば彼女に会いにいくからだって。
Did he tell me the truth or not? 彼は、私に、真実を言ったの、それとも嘘？
Tell me, on your conscience, tell me the worst."
教えて、あなたの良心にかけて、最悪を教えて。」
●"I won't tell you a lie. 「私は、あなたに嘘はいわない。
Ivan is not in love with Katerina Ivanovna, I think."
イワンは、カテリーナとは恋に落ちていないと、私は思う。」
●"Oh, that's what I thought! 「ああ、そう私も思ったの！
He is lying to me, shameless deceiver, that's what it is!
彼は、私に嘘をついているのね。恥知らずのうそつき。ほんとうにそう。
And he was jealous of me just now, so as to put the blame on me afterwards.
彼は、私に嫉妬してるの、今、後で、私に責任を負わせるつもりなのね。
He is stupid, he can't disguise what he is doing; he is so open, you know....
彼は、お馬鹿さん。彼は、隠せないの｜何をしているか｜。彼は、とてもオープンなの。
But I'll give it to him, I'll give it to him! でも、彼に、よこしてやるわ！
'You believe I did it,' he said. He said that to me, to me.
『俺がやったと信じてるだろう』 彼は、言った。そう、私に言った、私に。
He reproached me with that! God forgive him!
彼は、私を責めるの、そう言って。
You wait, I'll make it hot for Katerina at the trial!
待って、私は、カテリーナをさんざんな目にあわせるから、裁判で。
I'll just say a word then... 一言、喋ってやる、そのとき。
I'll tell everything then!" 全部、喋ってやる、そのとき。」
●And again she cried bitterly. そして、再び、彼女は、はげしく泣きました。
●"This I can tell you for certain, Grushenka," Alyosha said, getting up.
「これは、確実にあなたに言えることです、グルーシェニカ。」 アリョーシャは、言いました、起きながら。
"First, that he loves you, loves you more than anyone in the world, and you only, believe me.
「第一に、彼はあなたを愛してます。この世でだれよりも、あなただけを、信じてください。
I know. I do know. ぼくはわかってます。
The second thing is that I don't want to worm his secret out of him,
第二に、私は、彼の秘密を彼から聞き出そうとは思いません。
but if he'll tell me of himself today, I shall tell him straight out that I have promised to tell you.
でも、彼が今日自分から言ってくれれば、私は、彼に正直に言います｜私は、あなたに言うと約束したと｜、
Then I'll come to you today and tell you.
そして、私は、あなたの所に来て、教えます。
Only... I fancy... Katerina Ivanovna has nothing to do with it,
ただ、私は、思います、 カテリーナは、何の関係もないと。
and that the secret is about something else. That's
certain.
秘密は、何かべつのことについてだと。それは、確かです。
It isn't likely it's about Katerina Ivanovna, it seems to me.
ありそうもない｜それがカテリーナに関することは｜、私には、そう見えます。
Good-bye for now." さようなら、今のところ。」
●Alyosha shook hands with her. Grushenka was still crying.
アリョーシャは、彼女と握手しました。グルーシェニカは、まだ、泣いていました。
He saw that she put little faith in his consolation,
彼には、わかりました｜彼女が彼のなぐさめに殆ど信をおいていないことが｜。
but she was better for having had her sorrow out, for having spoken of it.
でも、彼女にはより良かった｜彼女の悲しみをはきだして、話したことは｜。
He was sorry to leave her in such a state of mind, but he was in haste.
彼は、すまなく思いました｜彼女を、こんな心の状態で残してゆくことを｜、でも、彼は急いでいました。
He had a great many things to do still. 彼には、あったのです｜沢山すべきことが｜なおも｜。
●The first of these things was at the house of Madame Hohlakov,
これらのうちの最初の用件は、ありました｜ホフラコーワ夫人の家に｜。
and he hurried there to get it over as quickly as possible and not be too late for Mitya.
彼は、そこに急ぎました｜できるだけはやくけりをつけて、ミーチャに遅れ過ぎないように｜。
Madame Hohlakov had been slightly ailing for the last three weeks:
ホフラコーワ夫人は、軽く患っていました、この２週間程。
her foot had for some reason swollen up,
彼女の脚がなにかの理由で腫れ上がっていたのです、
and though she was not in bed, she lay all day half-reclining on the couch in her boudoir, in a fascinating but decorous deshabille.
彼女は、ベッドにはいませんでしたが、横たわっていました｜１日中半身起こして｜彼女の部屋の長椅子に｜、魅惑的だけど品のある部屋ぎを着て。
Alyosha had once noted with innocent amusement that, in spite of her illness, Madame Hohlakov had begun to be rather dressy
-
アリョーシャは、かつて、気が付いて、無邪気に楽しんだのですが、病気にもかかわらず、ホフラコーワ夫人は、むしろ正装好みになってきたのです、つまり
topknots, ribbons, loose wrappers had made their appearance,
髪飾り、リボン、ゆったりしたラッパー(部屋着)が登場してきたのです。
and he had an inkling of the reason, though he dismissed such ideas from his mind as frivolous.
彼は、その理由についてうすうす感づいていたのですが、退けました｜そんな考えは軽薄だと自分の心から｜。
During the last two months the young official, Perhotin, had become a regular visitor at the house.
この２ヶ月間は、若い役人のペルホーチンが、なりました｜普段の訪問者と｜家への｜。
●Alyosha had not called for four days アリョーシャは、訪問しませんでした｜４日間｜、
and he was in haste to go straight to Lise, as it was with her he had to speak,
彼は、急いで、直接行きました｜リーザのところへ｜、彼女と話さなければならなかったからです、
for Lise had sent a maid to him the previous day specially asking him to come to her "about something very important," a request which, for certain reasons, had interest for Alyosha.
というのは、リーザは、送ったからです｜メイドを彼のもとに｜前日特別に彼に彼女の所に来てくれと頼む｜「何か非常に重要なことについて」｜、要求、それは或る理由でアリョーシャに興味をもたせました。
But while the maid went to take his name in to Lise, Madame Hohlakov heard of his arrival from someone, and immediately sent to beg him to come to her "just for one minute."
しかし、メイドが、リーザに彼の名前を取りつぎに行った間に、ホフラコーワ夫人が、彼の到着について誰かから聞きつけ、即座に使いを送って、彼女のところに「ほんの１分だけ」来るように頼みました。
Alyosha reflected that it was better to accede to the mamma's request, or else she would be sending down to Lise's room every minute that he was there.
アリョーシャは、思案しました｜母上の要求に従う方が得策だ、さもないと、彼女は、リーザの部屋に、彼がそこにいるので、毎分使いをよこすだろうと｜。
Madame Hohlakov was lying on a couch. ホフラコーワ夫人は、長椅子に横たわっていました。
She was particularly smartly dressed and was evidently in a state of extreme nervous excitement.
彼女は、特別にこぎれいに着飾っていました、極度に神経質な興奮状態にいました。
She greeted Alyosha with cries of rapture. 彼女は、迎えました｜アリョーシャを歓喜の叫び声で｜。
●"It's ages, ages, perfect ages since I've seen you!
「お久しぶり、本当にお久しぶり、(前にお会いして以来)
It's a whole week - only think of it! まる１週間ね、考えてみると。
Ah, but you were here only four days ago, on Wednesday.
あ、でも、３日前の水曜日にも、いらしたわね。
You have come to see Lise. リーザに、会いにこられたのね。
I'm sure you meant to slip into her room on tiptoe, without my hearing you.
きっと、お積もりだったでしょう｜忍び足で彼女の部屋に行く｜私に気付かれずに｜。
My dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, if you only knew how worried I am about her!
ねえ、アレクセイ(アリョーシャ)、分かってくだされば｜私が彼女のことでいかに心配しているか｜！
But of that later, though that's the most important thing, of that later.
で、それは後で、それは、最も重要なことなのですが、それは後で。
Dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I trust you implicitly with my Lise.
アレクセイ(アリョーシャ)、私は、あなたに、私のリーザを、暗にお任せします。
Since the death of Father Zossima - God rest his soul!" (she crossed herself)-
ゾシマ長老が亡くなって以来 - 神の御加護を！」 (彼女は十字を切りました)
"I look upon you as a monk, though you look charming in your new suit.
「私は、あなたを修道僧と見做してきました、あなたは、新しい服を着て魅力的ですけれどね。
Where did you find such a tailor in these parts?
どこで、お見つけになったの、これらの部分の素晴らしい仕立て屋さんを？
No, no, that's not the chief thing - of that later.
いえ、いえ、これは大事な話じゃありませんね - それは後で。
Forgive me for sometimes calling you Alyosha;
許してね、たびたびあなたのことをアリョーシャと呼んじゃって；
an old woman like me may take liberties," she smiled
coquettishly;
私のような老人には、勝手にさせてね。」
彼女は、色気たっぷりに笑いました；
"but that will do later, too. 「それも後でね。
The important thing is that I shouldn't forget what is important.
大切なことは、私が、何が大切か忘れないことね。
Please remind me of it yourself. そのこと、注意してくださいね。
As soon as my tongue runs away with me, you just say 'the important thing?'
私の舌が、私を持ち去りそうになったらすぐ、「大切なことは？」と言ってくださいね。
Ach! how do I know now what is of most importance?
ああ、どうやってわかるかしら｜今、何が最も大切かって｜？
Ever since Lise took back her promise - her childish promise, Alexey Fyodorovitch - to marry you, you've realised, of course, that it was only the playful fancy of a sick child who had been so long confined to her chair - thank God, she can walk now!... that new doctor Katya sent for from Moscow for your unhappy brother, who will tomorrow...
リーザが、取消して以来ずっと｜彼女の約束 - 子供じみた約束でしたわ、アレクセイさん -
を|あなたと結婚するという｜、あなたは、勿論、気付いていました、それは、ふざけた幻想に過ぎなかったことを｜病気の子供の｜ずっと椅子にとどめられてきた｜、ありがたいことに、彼女は、今は、歩けます。あの新しいお医者さま｜カーチャがモスクワからあなたの不幸なお兄さんのために呼び寄せた｜、が明日.....
説明 最後の１文が、文法的に、どういう役割なのか、理解できていません。
But why speak of tomorrow? でも、何故、明日の事を話しているの？
I am ready to die at the very thought of tomorrow. Ready to die of curiosity....
私は、死にそうです｜明日の事を考えるだけで｜、死にそうです｜好奇心のために｜。
That doctor was with us yesterday and saw Lise.... I paid him fifty roubles for the visit.
あの医者は、昨日来て、リーザを診ました... 私は、彼に50ルーブル払いました、往診療として。
But that's not the point, that's not the point again.
でも、これが問題じゃないですね。
You see, I'm mixing everything up. I am in such a hurry.
ほらね、私は、すべてを混ぜこぜにしている。私は、そんなに急いでいるの。
Why am I in a hurry? I don't understand.
どうして急いでいるかって？ わからないわ。
It's awful how I seem growing unable to understand anything.
大変、どうして、私は何も理解できないようになってるの。
Everything seems mixed up in a sort of tangle.
すべてが、ごちゃまぜになってる、一種のもつれのように。
I am afraid you are so bored you will jump up and run away, and that will be all I shall see of you.
私は、心配です｜あなたが、退屈で、跳びあがって逃げ出してしまわないかと｜、それで終わりでしょう！
Goodness! Why are we sitting here and no coffee? Yulia, Glafira, coffee!"
なんてこと！ なんで、私達は、コーヒーなしで座っているの？ ユリア、グラフィーラ、コーヒー！」
●Alyosha made haste to thank her, and said that he had only just had coffee.
アリョーシャは、いそいで、お礼を言い、言いました｜コーヒーを飲んできたばかりだと｜。
"Where?" 「どこで？」
"At Agrfena Alexandrovna's." 「グルーシェニカのお店です。」
"At... at that woman's? Ah, it's she has brought ruin on everyone.
「あの女の店で？ ああ、彼女こそ、みんなに破滅をもたらしたのよ。
説明 後者は、it's she that has brought ruin on everyone. として訳しました。
I know nothing about it though. でも、何も知りません。
They say she has become a saint, though it's rather late in the day.
そうですね｜彼女は、聖人になった｜、むしろ遅きに失しているいくらいですけど。
説明 late in the day は、その日も遅く ということから、やっと、とか、もう遅きに失した
She had better have done it before. What use is it now?
彼女は、もっと前にそうしたほうがよかった。今、何の役にたつの？
Hush, hush, Alexey Fyodorovitch, for I have so much to say to you that I am afraid I shall tell you nothing.
し−、しっ、アリョーシャ、何故って、言う事が山ほどあるので、何もお伝えできないかもと心配なの。
This awful trial... この怖ろしい裁判は....
I shall certainly go, I am making arrangements. 私は、もちろん、行きます。準備しています。
I shall be carried there in my chair; besides I can sit up.
私は、車いすで運んでもらいます、それに、私は、上半身を起こすことができます。
I shall have people with me. 何人か連れていきます。
And, you know, I am a witness. それに、ご存じ、私は、証人なの。
How shall I speak, how shall I speak? 私は、どうしゃべればいいの？
I don't know what I shall say. 私は、わからない、何をいうのか。
One has to take an oath, hasn't one?" 宣誓をしないといけないのよね。」
"Yes; but I don't think you will be able to go."
「ええ、でも、あなたが行けるとはおもえないんですけど。」
"I can sit up. Ah, you put me out! 「私は、上半身、起こせます。ああ、追い出したわね！
Ah! this trial, this savage act, and then they are all going to Siberia, some are getting married, and all this so quickly, so quickly, everything's changing, and at last - nothing.
ああ、この裁判、この野蛮な行為、そして、彼らはシベリアに行こうとし、何人かは結婚し、これらが急速に起こるの、すべてが変化してゆき、そして、ついに -
何もなくなるの。
All grow old and have death to look forward to.
みんなは、歳をとり、死を楽しみに待つの。
Well, so be it! I am weary. されならされでいいわ！ 私は、疲れた。
This Katya, cette charmante personne, has disappointed all my hopes.
このカーチャは、この魅力的な人は、私のすべての希望を、失望させるの。
Now she is going to follow one of your brothers to Siberia,
今、彼女は、あなたの兄さんの一人に従って、シベリアに行こうとしてる。
and your other brother is going to follow her, and will live in the nearest town,
もう一人の兄さんは、彼女の後を追おうとしていて、最寄りの町に住むでしょう、
and they will all torment one another. 彼らは、苦しめ合うの、お互いに。
It drives me out of my mind. Worst of all - the publicity.
気が変になる。最悪なのは、風評よ。
The story has been told a million times over in all the papers in Moscow and Petersburg.
このお話は、百万回も語られたわ、モスクワやペテルブルグのすべての新聞で。
Ah! yes, would you believe it, there's a paragraph that I was 'a dear friend' of your brother's - ,
ああ、そう、信じられる、書かれているの｜私は、あなたの兄さんの『親愛なる人』だって｜、
I can't repeat the horrid word. Just fancy, just fancy!"
こんな怖ろしい言葉、くり返したりできません。考えてよ、考えてよ！」
"Impossible! Where was the paragraph? What did it say?"
「ありえない！ どこに書かれた？ なんて書いてある？」
"I'll show you directly. I got the paper and read it yesterday.
「直接お見せするわ。新聞を手に入れて読んだわ｜昨日｜。
Here, in the Petersburg paper Gossip. The paper began coming out this year.
ほら、ペテルスブルグの新聞「ゴシップ」に。この新聞は、今年、始まったのよ。
I am awfully fond of gossip, 私、ゴシシップは大好き。
and I take it in, and now it pays me out - this is what gossip comes to!
私は、それをうのみにし、今、それは、私を罰している - これが、ゴシップの成りの果て。
Here it is, here, this passage. Read it." ほら、ここ、この文章、読んで。」
And she handed Alyosha a sheet of newspaper which had been under her pillow.
彼女は、アリョーシャに、一枚の新聞を手渡しました、それは、彼女の枕の下にありました。
●It was not exactly that she was upset, she seemed overwhelmed and perhaps everything really was mixed up in a tangle in her head.
必ずしも、彼女は動転しているわけではありません、彼女は、見えました｜圧倒ｘ；ｑ９４ｉ｜、多分、すべてのことが、実際、ごちゃまぜになったのです｜頭の中でからみあって｜。
The paragraph was very typical, and must have been a great shock to her,
記事は、非常に典型的なもので、彼女にとって大きなショックだったに違いありません。
but, fortunately perhaps, she was unable to keep her mind fixed on any one subject at that moment,
しかし、幸いなことに、彼女は、できませんでした｜彼女の心を保つことが｜一つのことに｜その時｜、
and so might race off in a minute to something else and quite forget the newspaper.
かもしれないのでした｜走り去ってしまい｜１分後に｜何か他の事に｜、全く忘れてしまう｜新聞のことを｜｜。
●Alyosha was well aware that the story of the terrible case had spread all over Russia.
アリョーシャは、すでに知っていました｜この怖ろしい事件についての話は、ロシア中に広まっていたことを｜。
And, good heavens! what wild rumours about his brother, about the Karamazovs, and about himself he had read in the course of those two months, among other equally credible items!
そして、まあ、何といううわさ｜彼の兄さんや、カラマーゾフ家や、アリョーシャ自身について｜、を、彼は、読んだことでしょう、この２ヶ月が経過する間に、他の同様に信じられる記事の中に。
One paper had even stated that he had gone into a monastery and become a monk, in horror at his brother's crime.
ある新聞は、書きさえしました｜彼が、修道院に行き、修道僧になった｜兄の犯行に恐怖を感じて｜。
Another contradicted this, and stated that he and his elder, Father Zossima, had broken into the monastery chest and "made tracks from the monastery."
別の新聞は、これを否認し、書きました｜彼と、年長者のゾシマ長老が、修道院の金庫に押し入り、「修道院から逃げた」と｜。
The present paragraph in the paper Gossip was under the heading, "The Karamazov Case at Skotoprigonyevsk."
新聞「ゴシップ」の今回の記事は、書かれました｜「スコトプリゴニエフスクのカラーゾフ事件」という表題のもとに｜。
(That, alas! was the name of our little town.
(悲しい事に、これは、私達の小さな町の名前です。
I had hitherto kept it concealed.) 私は、これまで、それを隠してきました。)
It was brief, and Madame Hohlakov was not directly mentioned in it.
それは、短いもので、ホフラコーワ夫人のことは、直接触れられていませんでした。
No names appeared, in fact. 名前は、登場しませんでた、実際。
It was merely stated that the criminal, whose approaching trial was making such a sensation - retired army captain, an idle swaggerer, and reactionary bully - was continually involved in amorous intrigues, and particularly popular with certain ladies "who were pining in solitude."
単に、次のように書かれていました、犯人
(彼の間近になった裁判が、あんな大騒ぎを起こしている)は、退役陸軍大尉で、なまけものの威張り人で、反動的ないじめっこであり、常に、好色な密通に関与し、「孤独で身動きできない」ある種のご婦人方にとりわけ人気があると。
One such lady, a pining widow, who tried to seem young though she had a grown-up daughter, was so fascinated by him that only two hours before the crime she offered him three thousand roubles, on condition that he would elope with her to the gold mines.
あるそんなご婦人、身動きできない未亡人で、成人した娘がいるにもかかわらず、若く見えるように努力している人が、彼に魅了されて、犯罪のわずか２時間前に、彼に3000ルーブルを提供しました、彼女と金山に駆け落ちするという条件で。
But the criminal, counting on escaping punishment, had preferred to murder his father to get the three thousand rather than go off to Siberia with the middle-aged charms of his pining lady.
しかし、犯人は、罰を逃れることを当てにして、父親を殺して3000ルーブル手に入れることを選びました｜その婦人の中年の魅力でシベリアに駆け落ちすることよりも｜。
This playful paragraph finished, of course, with an outburst of generous indignation at the wickedness of parricide and at the lately abolished institution of serfdom.
このふざけた記事は、勿論、終わりました｜おしみない怒りの爆発で｜親殺しの邪悪と最近廃止された農奴制に対する｜。
Reading it with curiosity, Alyosha folded up the paper and handed it back to Madame Hohlakov.
興味深くその記事を読んで、アリョーシャは、新聞をたたみ、ホフラコーワ夫人に手渡しました。
●"Well, that must be me," she hurried on again.
「そうね、それは、私の事に違いないわ。」 彼女は、急いで言いました｜再び｜。
"Of course I am meant. 「勿論、わたしのことね。
Scarcely more than an hour before, I suggested gold mines to him,
ほとんど１時間ぐらい前に、私は、すすめたわ｜金山を彼に｜。
and here they talk of 'middle-aged charms' as though that were my motive!
そして、ここに「中年の魅力」のことが書かれてる、まるで、それが私の動機だかのように。
He writes that out of spite! 腹いせに書いてるのね！
God Almighty forgive him for the middle-aged charms, as I forgive him!
神様、中年の魅力にかけて許してあげて、私も許すから。
You know it's... Do you know who it is? It's your friend Rakitin."
これはね、誰かわかる？ あなたのお友達のラキーチンさんよ。」
"Perhaps," said Alyosha, "though I've heard nothing about it."
「多分ね」 アリョーシャは言いました、「でも、何も聞いていません。」
"It's he, it's he! No 'perhaps' about it.
「それは、彼よ、彼よ！ それについては、多分じゃなくてよ。
You know I turned him out of the house....
知ってるわね、私は、彼を家から追い出したのよ。
You know all that story, don't you?" すべてのお話、知ってます？」
"I know that you asked him not to visit you for the future,
「知っていますよ、あなたは、彼に、未来永劫訪ねて来ないように言ったんですね。
but why it was, I haven't heard... from you, at least."
でも、何故そうなのか私は聞いていません。少なくともあなたからは。」
"Ah, then you've heard it from him!
「あら、では、あなたは、彼から聞いたのね！
He abuses me, I suppose, abuses me dreadfully?"
彼は、私のことを悪く言っていると思う。ひどく言ってますか？」
"Yes, he does; but then he abuses everyone.
「はい、そうです。でも、彼は、皆のことを悪く言っています。
But why you've given him up I haven't heard from him either.
しかし、何故あなたが彼のことをあきらめたのか、私は、彼からも聞いていません。
I meet him very seldom now, indeed. We are not friends."
私は彼とは非常に希にしか会いません、今では。私達は、友達ではありません。」
"Well, then, I'll tell you all about it.
「それでは、私が、あなたにすべてをお話します。
There's no help for it, I'll confess, for there is one point in which I was perhaps to blame.
どうしようもないんです、正直言って。何故なら、一点あります｜私が多分責めを負うべきことが｜。
Only a little, little point, so little that perhaps it doesn't count. You see, my dear boy"
ちっちゃな、ちっちゃな事です。余りに小さくて無視できるくらいです。あのね、あなた。」
- Madame Hohlakov suddenly looked arch and a charming, though enigmatic, smile played about her lips-
-
ホフラコーワ夫人は、突然お茶目になり、魅力的で、しかし謎めいた笑みが、彼女の唇のまわりに浮かびました -
"you see, I suspect... You must forgive me, Alyosha. I am like a mother to you...
「あのね、私は、疑ってるの。ごめんね、アリョーシャ、私は、あなたのお母さんのようね。
No, no; quite the contrary. いいえ、いいえ、全く逆だわ。
I speak to you now as though you were my father - mother's quite out of place.
私は、あなたに、話すわ｜あなたが私の父親であるかのように｜。母親は、場違いね。
Well, it's as though I were confessing to Father Zossima, that's just it.
ええ、まるで私は、ゾシマ長老に告白しているようよ、本当にそのようよ。
I called you a monk just now. 私は、あなたのことを修行僧と呼びましたわね、つい今しがた。
Well, that poor young man, your friend, Rakitin
で、あの可哀そうな若者、あなたの友達、ラキーチン
(Mercy on us! I can't be angry with him. I feel cross, but not very),
(助けて！ 私は、彼のことを怒れない。腹はたつわ、でもそんなに)
that frivolous young man, would you believe it, seems to have taken it into his head to fall in love with me.
あの不真面目な若者は、信じてくれる、思い込んでしまったの｜私に恋をしてしまったと｜。
I only noticed it later. 私は、後になって知ったの。
At first - a month ago - he only began to come oftener to see me, almost every day; though, of course, we were acquainted before.
最初、一月前、彼は、ただ私に会いに来だしたの、頻繁に、殆ど毎日、もともと知り合いだったんですけどね。
I knew nothing about it... 私は、何もわからなかった。
and suddenly it dawned upon me, and I began to notice things with surprise.
そして、突然、私に見えだしたの、私は、物事が見え初めて、驚いたの。
You know, two months ago, that modest, charming, excellent young man, Ilyitch Perhotin, who's in the service here, began to be a regular visitor at the house.
あのね、２ヶ月前、あの謙虚で、魅力的な、すてきな若者、ペルホーチン、彼はここで勤務してますけど、彼が、この家に、いつも訪問してくれるようになったの。
You met him here ever so many times yourself. あなたも、ここで何度もお会いになりましたよね。
And he is an excellent, earnest young man, isn't he?
彼は、優秀で、まじめなお方ですことよ。
He comes once every three days, not every day (though I should be glad to see him every day), and always so well dressed.
彼は、三日に一度来ます、毎日ではありません (私はきっと毎日でも楽しいのに)
そして、いつも素敵な身なりなの。
Altogether, I love young people, Alyosha, talented, modest, like you,
つまるところ、私は、若い人が好きなのよ、アリョーシャ、才能があり、謙虚な人がね、あなたのような、
and he has almost the mind of a statesman, he talks so charmingly,
彼は、ほぼ持ってるの｜立派な政治家の精神を｜、彼は、魅力的にしゃべるの、
and I shall certainly, certainly try and get promotion for him.
私は、きっと、きっと、彼に昇進させてあげるわ。
He is a future diplomat. 彼は、未来の外交官よ。
On that awful day he almost saved me from death by coming in the night.
あのおぞましい日に、彼は、殆ど救ってくれたの｜私を死から｜夜にやってきて｜。
And your friend Rakitin comes in such boots, and always stretches them out on the carpet....
あなたの友達のラキーチンさんは、やってきて｜あんな靴をはいて｜、大股に歩くの｜カーペットの上で｜。
He began hinting at his feelings, in fact,
彼は、ほのめかし始めたの｜彼の心の内を｜、実際、
and one day, as he was going, he squeezed my hand terribly hard.
ある日、出ていくとき、彼は、握りしめたの｜私の手をとても強く｜。
My foot began to swell directly after he pressed my hand like that.
私の足は、腫れ始めたの、すぐ後から｜彼が私の手をあのように握りしめた｜。
He had met Pyotr Ilyitch here before, and would you believe it, he is always gibing at him, growling at him, for some reason.
彼とペルホーチンは、以前ここで会ったの、そして、信じられる、彼は、いつも彼を馬鹿にして、がみがみ言うの、何かの理由で。
I simply looked at the way they went on together and laughed inwardly.
私は、単に、彼らの様子を見ているの、そして、内では笑っているの。
So I was sitting here alone - no, I was laid up then.
私は、座っていたの｜ここに一人で｜、いいえ、私は、寝たきりだったの、その時
Well, I was lying here alone ええ、私は、寝ていたの｜ここに一人で｜、
and suddenly Rakitin comes in, and only fancy! brought me some verses of his own composition - a short poem, on my bad foot:
突然、ラチンが入ってきて、驚いたことに、持ってきたの｜私に自作の詩を｜、私の悪い足についての短い詩を、
that is, he described my foot in a poem.
つまり、彼は、書いたの｜私の足を詩に｜。
Wait a minute - how did it go? ちょっと待って、どんな詩だったかしら？
A captivating little foot. 魅惑的な小さい足よ
It began somehow like that. それは、始まるの｜なんだかこんな風に｜。
I can never remember poetry. 私は、全然、覚えられない｜詩なんて｜。
I've got it here. I'll show it to you later. ここにあるわ。後で、お見せするわ。
But it's a charming thing - charming; でも、それは、魅惑的なの、魅惑的。
and, you know, it's not only about the foot, it had a good moral, too, a charming idea, only I've forgotten it;
そしてね、その詩は、単に足についてだけじゃなく、すてきなモラルも含んでるの、すばらしいアイデアよ、ただ私は、覚えてないけどね。
in fact, it was just the thing for an album.
実際、それは、アルバムにとっておくべき詩なのよ。
So, of course, I thanked him, and he was evidently flattered.
勿論、私は、ありがとうと言い、彼は、明らかに喜んでいたわ。
I'd hardly had time to thank him when in comes Pyotr Ilyitch,
私が、お礼を言い終わる時間もないぐらいの時に、ペルホーチンが入ってきたの。
and Rakitin suddenly looked as black as night.
ラキーチンさんは、夜のように真っ黒になったわ。
I could see that Pyotr Ilyitch was in the way, for Rakitin certainly wanted to say something after giving me the verses.
わかったわ、ペルホーチンさんは、お邪魔になったのね、なぜなら、ラキーチンは、確かに何か言いたかったようだからね｜私に詩をプレゼントした後に｜。
I had a presentiment of it; but Pyotr Ilyitch came in.
私には、その予感があったわ、でも、ペルホーチンさんが入って来たの。
I showed Pyotr Ilyitch the verses and didn't say who was the author.
私は、見せました｜ペルホーチンさんにその詩を｜、言いませんでした｜誰が作者か｜。
But I am convinced that he guessed, though he won't own it to this day, and declares he had no idea.
しかし、私は、確信します｜彼は推測したと｜、けれども｜彼はそれを認めていない｜今日に至るまで｜、そして、断言します｜なにもわからないと｜。
But he says that on purpose. しかし、彼は、わざとおっしゃってます。
Pyotr Ilyitch began to laugh at once, and fell to criticising it.
ペルホーチンさんは、すぐに笑い始め、批判しはじめました。
'Wretched doggerel,' he said they were, 'some divinity student must have written them,' and with such vehemence, such vehemence!
「お粗末で下手くそな詩だなあ」と彼は言いました、「誰か神学生が書いたに違いない」、そして、あんな剣幕で、あんな剣幕で。
Then, instead of laughing, your friend flew into a rage.
そして、笑うのではなく、あなたの友達は、烈火のごとく怒りだしました。
'Good gracious!' I thought, 'they'll fly at each other.'
「なんてことでしょう！」 私は、思いました、「二人は、互いに、襲い掛かるかもしれない」
'It was I who wrote them,' said he. 「私だよ、それを書いたのは」 彼は、いいました。
'I wrote them as a joke,' he said, 'for I think it degrading to write verses....
「冗談のために書いたんだよ。」
彼は、言いました、「詩を書くなんて、品位をおとしめることだと思っているよ。
But they are good poetry. でも、この詩はいい。
They want to put a monument to your Pushkin for writing about women's feet,
みんなは、建てたいと思っている｜記念碑を｜あなたのプーシキンに｜女の足について書いた｜、
while I wrote with a moral purpose, and you,' said he, 'are an advocate of serfdom.
しかし、私は、モラルの目的のために書いた、そして、あなたは、」彼は言いました。「農奴制の昌道者だ。
You've no humane ideas,' said he. 人道的な考えを持っていない。」 彼は、言いました。
'You have no modern enlightened feelings, you are
uninfluenced by progress, you are a mere official,' he said,
「あなたは、最近の啓蒙的感情も持っていない、進歩に影響されない、単なる役人だ。」、彼は言いました、
'and you take bribes.' 「それに、あなたは、わいろをとる。」
Then I began screaming and imploring them. そして、私は、始めたんです｜叫び、彼らに懇願を｜。
And, you know, Pyotr Ilyitch is anything but a coward.
知ってるわね、ペルホーチンさんんは、決して臆病者ではないの。
He at once took up the most gentlemanly tone, looked at him sarcastically, listened, and apologised.
彼は、すぐに、最も紳士的な口調をとり、彼を皮肉っぽく眺めて、話を聞き、謝罪したの。
'I'd no idea,' said he. 「知りませんでした」 彼は、言ったわ。
'I shouldn't have said it, if I had known. I should have praised it.
「私は、そう言うべきではなかった。知っていれば、それを褒めるべきだった。
Poets are all so irritable,' he said. 詩人は、みんな怒りっぽいからね。」 彼は、言いました。
In short, he laughed at him under cover of the most gentlemanly tone.
要するに、彼は、彼のことをわらったの、最も紳士的な口調を装って。
He explained to me afterwards that it was all sarcastic.
彼は、説明したわ｜私に後で、それは全く皮肉だと｜。
I thought he was in earnest. 私は、思いました、彼は、真剣だと。
Only as I lay there, just as before you now, I thought,
ただ、私は、そこで横になっていて｜丁度今あなたの前でいるように｜、思いましたの、
'Would it, or would it not, be the proper thing for me to turn Rakitin out for shouting so rudely at a visitor in my house?'
「正しいことだったのでしょうか違ったのでしょうか｜私が、ラキーチンを追い出したことは｜乱暴に叫んだことで｜私の家でお客様に｜？
And, would you believe it, I lay here, shut my eyes, and wondered, would it be the proper thing or not.
信じて下さいます、私は、ここで横になり、目を閉じて、考えたんです、それは正しいことだったのか違うのかと。
I kept worrying and worrying, and my heart began to beat,
私は、気に病み気に病んだんです、私の心臓は、高鳴りしました。
and I couldn't make up my mind whether to make an outcry or not.
私は、決心できませんでした、叫び声をあげるべきか否かと。
One voice seemed to be telling me, 'Speak,' and the other 'No, don't speak.'
一つの声は、言っているようでした｜「話せ」と｜、もう一方では、「いいや話すな」と。
And no sooner had the second voice said that than I cried out, and fainted.
第二の声が聞こえるや否や、私は、叫び、気を失いました。
Of course, there was a fuss. 勿論、大騒ぎになりました。
I got up suddenly and said to Rakitin, 私は、突然起き上がって、ラキーチンに言いましたの
'It's painful for me to say it, but I don't wish to see you in my house again.'
「こう申し上げるのはつらいのですが、私は、お会いしたくありません｜あなたにこの家出ふたたび｜。」
So I turned him out. 私は、彼を追い出しました。
Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I know myself I did wrong.
ああ、アリョーシャ、私は、わかっています、私が間違いをしたと。
I was putting it on. 私は、大げさに話していたんです。
I wasn't angry with him at all, really; 私は、彼に全然怒っていませんでした、本当に。
but I suddenly fancied - that was what did it - that it would be such a fine scene....
でも、私は、突然、思いました - それは本当のことです- あれはとてもすばらしい場面なのではと。
And yet, believe me, it was quite natural,
でも、信じてください、それは、とても自然だったのですよ。
for I really shed tears and cried for several days afterwards,
私は、本当に、涙を流し、泣いたんです｜数日間｜その後｜。
and then suddenly, one afternoon, I forgot all about it.
そして、突然、ある日の午後、全部忘れちゃいました。
So it's a fortnight since he's been here,
２週間です、彼がここにいたときから、
and I kept wondering whether he would come again.
ずっと考えてきました｜彼が再びくるかどうかと｜。
I wondered even yesterday, then suddenly last night came this Gossip.
私は、昨日も、考えていました、突然、昨晩、「ゴシップ」の記事が届いたんです。
I read it and gasped. それを読んで、息が止まりました。
Who could have written it? He must have written it.
誰が書いたの？ 彼が書いたに違いない。
He went home, sat down, wrote it on the spot, sent it, and they put it in.
彼は、家に帰って、座り、その場で書いて、送り、彼らがのせたんです。
It was a fortnight ago, you see. ２週間前のことでした。
But, Alyosha, it's awful how I keep talking and don't say what I want to say.
でも、アリョーシャ、怖ろしいことなの｜しゃべり続けても、言いたいことを言わないということは｜。
Ah! the words come of themselves!" ああ、言葉がひとりでに出てくる！」
"It's very important for me to be in time to see my brother today," Alyosha faltered.
「非常に大切なんです｜兄に今日会う時間に間に合うことが｜」 アリョーシャは、口ごもりました。
"To be sure, to be sure! 「なるほど、なるほど。
You bring it all back to me. それですべて思い出しました。
Listen, what is an aberration?" 聞いて、精神が錯乱するって、どういうこと？」
"What aberration?" asked Alyosha, wondering.
「どんな錯乱ですか？」 アリョーシャは、尋ねました、いぶかりながら。
"In the legal sense. An aberration in which everything is pardonable.
「法律的な意味でよ。すべてが許される精神錯乱。
Whatever you do, you will be acquitted at once."
何をしても、すぐに放免されるの。
"What do you mean?" 「どういう意味ですか？」
"I'll tell you. This Katya... 「実をいうと、あのカーチャがね....
Ah! she is a charming, charming creature, only I never can make out who it is she is in love with.
あぁ、彼女は、魅力的で、魅力的な人です、ただ、私には、全然分かりません｜彼女が恋しているのが一体だれなのか｜。
She was with me some time ago and I couldn't get anything out of her.
彼女は、私といましたが｜少し前に｜、何も聞き出すことはできませんでした｜彼女から｜。
Especially as she won't talk to me except on the surface now.
特に、彼女は、話そうとしませんので｜今は表面上以外は｜。
She is always talking about my health and nothing else,
彼女は、いつも、私の健康について話しますが、他には何も。
and she takes up such a tone with me, too.
そして、やはり、あんな口調をとるんですよ。(表面的な話し方のことか？)
I simply said to myself, 'Well so be it. I don't care'...
私は、ただ、自分に言いますの、「ご勝手に、かまいませんことよ。」
Oh, yes. I was talking of aberration.
ああ、そうでした、私は、精神錯乱について話してたんでした。
This doctor has come. You know a doctor has come?
お医者様が、いらしたの。ご存じね、お医者さまがいらしたこと？
Of course, you know it - the one who discovers madmen.
勿論、ごぞんじですよね。気違いを見つけるお医者さん。
You wrote for him. No, it wasn't you, but Katya. It's all Katya's doing.
あなたが、呼び寄せた。いや、あなたじゃなくて、カーチャ。みんなカーチャの仕業よね。
Well, you see, a man may be sitting perfectly sane and suddenly have an aberration.
あのね、ある人が、座っていて｜完璧に正常で｜、突然、精神錯乱になる。
He may be conscious and know what he is doing and yet be in a state of aberration.
彼は、意識はあるし、自分が何をしてるかわかる、それでも、彼は、精神錯乱ではない。
And there's no doubt that Dmitri Fyodorovitch was suffering from aberration.
そして、疑いありません、ミーチャが、精神錯乱を患っていることは。
They found out about aberration as soon as the law courts were reformed.
皆は、精神錯乱について学んだの｜法廷が改革されて以来｜。
It's all the good effect of the reformed law courts.
それは、改革された法廷のといも良い効果ですわ。
The doctor has been here and questioned me about that evening, about the gold mines.
お医者さんが、ここに来て、質問したわ｜あの夜について、金山について｜。
'How did he seem then?' he asked me.
『彼は、どんな具合ですか」 彼は、尋ねました。
He must have been in a state of aberration. 彼は、精神錯乱の状態にいたに違いありません。。
He came in shouting, 'Money, money, three thousand! Give me three thousand!'
彼は、叫びながら、入ってきました、「金だ、金だ3000ルーブルだ。3000.ルーブル、頂戴。.
and then went away and immediately did the murder.
そして、出かけて、すぐに殺人を犯したの。
'I don't want to murder him,' he said, and he suddenly went and murdered him.
『人を殺したくない。』 と言ってました、しかし、突然、行って、人を殺しました。
That's why they'll acquit him, because he struggled against it and yet he murdered him."
それが、皆が彼を無罪とする理由なのよ。彼は、殺す事に反抗して闘ったけど、それでも、殺してしまったの。
"But he didn't murder him," Alyosha interrupted rather sharply.
「彼は、殺しませんでしたよ。」 アリョーシャは、かなり激しく遮りました。
He felt more and more sick with anxiety and impatience.
彼は、ますます、不安と焦りで気が滅入りました。
"Yes, I know it was that old man Grigory murdered him."
「ええ、知ってるわ、あの老人のグリゴーリーが殺したということでしょう。」
"Grigory?" cried Alyosha. 「グリゴーリー？」 アリョーシャは叫びました。
"Yes, yes; it was Grigory. 「ええ、ええ、グリゴーリーよ。
He lay as Dmitri Fyodorovitch struck him down,
彼は、横たわったの、ミーチャが彼を殴り倒したとき、
and then got up, saw the door open, went in and killed Fyodor Pavlovitch."
そして、起き上がって、ドアが開いているのを見て、中に入って、フョードルを殺したんでしょ。」
"But why, why?" 「でも、何故、何故？」
"Suffering from aberration. 「精神錯乱に陥ったのよ。
When he recovered from the blow Dmitri Fyodorovitch gave him on the head, he was suffering from aberration:
彼が、回復した時｜ミーチャが彼の頭に与えた打撃から｜、彼は、精神錯乱を患っていた：
he went and committed the murder. 彼は、行って、殺人を犯した。
As for his saying he didn't, he very likely doesn't remember.
彼が、していないと言っていることに関しては、彼は、恐らく覚えてないのよ。
Only, you know, it'll be better, ever so much better, if Dmitri Fyodorovitch murdered him.
ただ、あのね、ずっといいの、ずっとずっといいの、もし、ミーチャが殺したとしたほうが。
And that's how it must have been, though I say it was Grigory.
それが、そうであったに違いないことです、私は、グリゴーリーだと言ってまいけどね。
It certainly was Dmitri Fyodorovitch, and that's better, ever so much better!
それは確かにミーチャです、その方が、ずっといいの、ずっといいの。
Oh! not better that a son should have killed his father, I don't defend that.
よりよいということではありません｜息子が父親を殺したりすることが｜、私は、それを擁護しません。
Children ought to honour their parents, 子供は、親を尊敬すべきです。
and yet it would be better if it were he, as you'd have nothing to cry over then,
それでも、もし彼だったら、そのほうがいい、あなたには、悲しむ理由がないから。
for he did it when he was unconscious or rather when he was conscious, but did not know what he was doing.
何故なら、彼は、無意識の時にそれをしたから、または、意識はあっても、自分が何をしているか、分からなかったから。
Let them acquit him - that's so humane, and would show what a blessing reformed law courts are.
彼らに彼を許させましょう、それは、人道的ですし、祝福された改善法廷の何たるかを示します。
I knew nothing about it, but they say they have been so a long time.
私は、何も知りませんでしたが、彼らは、ずっと長い間そうだったと言っています。
And when I heard it yesterday, I was so struck by it that I wanted to send for you at once.
私が聞いた時｜昨日それを｜、私は、それにびっくりして、すぐにあなたを呼びにやろうと思いました。
And if he is acquitted, make him come straight from the law courts to dinner with me,
もし彼が許されたら、彼を裁判所から直接来させて、私と食事しましょう。
and I'll have a party of friends, and we'll drink to the reformed law courts.
私は、友達を大勢呼んで、皆で、改善された法廷に乾杯しましょう。
I don't believe he'd be dangerous; 私は、信じません｜彼が危険な人だとは｜。
besides, I'll invite a great many friends, so that he could always be led out if he did anything.
それに、私は、友達を大勢呼びますので、彼は、いつでも連れだせます｜もし彼が何かしたら｜。
And then he might be made a justice of the peace or something in another town,
そして、彼は、治安判事かなにかにまれるかも｜別の町で｜。
for those who have been in trouble themselves make the best judges.
みずからトラブルに会った人は、最良の判事になれるからです。
And, besides, who isn't suffering from aberration nowadays?
それに、だれが、今日、精神錯乱を患っていないでしょうか？
- you, I, all of us, are in a state of aberration,
- あなたも、私も、みんなも、精神錯乱の状態にあります。
and there are ever so many examples of it: 沢山の例があります。
a man sits singing a song, suddenly something annoys him, he takes a pistol and shoots the first person he comes across,
ある男が、座って歌を歌っている、突然何かが彼を悩ませる、彼は、ピストルを持ち、出会った最初の男を撃つ。
and no one blames him for it. 誰も彼をとがめない。
I read that lately, and all the doctors confirm it.
私は、最近それを読みました、すべての医者が、それを認めています。
The doctors are always confirming; they confirm,- anything.
医者は、常に、認めます； 彼らは、認めます - 何でも。
Why, my Lise is in a state of aberration.
あら、私のリーズは、精神錯乱の状態にいます。
She made me cry again yesterday, and the day before, too,
彼女は、私を泣かせました｜再び昨日｜、その前の日も、
and today I suddenly realised that it's all due to aberration.
そして今日、私は、突然理解しました｜それは、すべて精神錯乱のせいだと｜。
Oh, Lise grieves me so! I believe she's quite mad.
リーズは、私を悲しませます。私は、信じます｜彼女は、全く頭がおかしいと｜。
Why did she send for you? 何故、彼女はあなたを呼んだの？
Did she send for you or did you come of yourself?"
彼女があなたを呼んだの、それとも、あなたが自分で来たの？」
"Yes, she sent for me, and I am just going to her." Alyosha got up resolutely.
「はい、彼女が、私を呼びました、私は、これから行きます。」 アリョーシャは、毅然と立ち上がりました。
"Oh, my dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, perhaps that's what's most important,"
「あら、ねー、ねー、アリョーシャ、多分、それが、最も大切なものです。」
Madame Hohlakov cried, suddenly bursting into tears.
ホフラコーワ夫人は、叫び、突然、ワッと泣き出しました。
"God knows I trust Lise to you with all my heart,
「誓って、私は、リーズをあなたにおまかせします｜心から｜、
and it's no matter her sending for you on the sly, without telling her mother.
関係ありません｜彼女があなたをこっそり呼んだとしても｜母親に言わずに｜。
But forgive me, I can't trust my daughter so easily to your brother Ivan Fyodorovitch,
でも、ごめんなさい、私は、おまかせできません｜娘を簡単にあなたの兄さんのイワンには｜、
though I still consider him the most chivalrous young man.
私は、なおも思っていますけどね｜彼が最も騎士道的な生年だと｜。
But only fancy, he's been to see Lise and I knew nothing about it!"
しかし、考えて、彼が、リーズに会いに来たの、私は何も知らなかったの！」
"How? What? When?" Alyosha was exceedingly surprised.
「どうして？ なに？ いつ？」 アリョーシャは、はなはだしく驚きました。
He had not sat down again and listened standing.
彼は、再び座ることなく、立ったまま聞いていました。
"I will tell you; that's perhaps why I asked you to come,
「お話しますわ； それは、多分、私があなたに来ていただいた理由です。
for I don't know now why I did ask you to come.
というのは、私は、今、わからないの、私が、何故、あなたに来ていただいたのか。
Well, Ivan Fyodorovitch has been to see me twice, since he came back from Moscow.
イワンは、私に会いに２回来ました、彼がモスクワから戻ってきて以来。
First time he came as a friend to call on me,
最初は、彼は、友達として、私に会いにきたの。
and the second time Katya was here and he came because he heard she was here.
２回目は、カーチャがここにいて、彼は、彼女がここにいるから会いに来たの。
I didn't, of course, expect him to come often, knowing what a lot he has to do as it is,
勿論、私は、彼がそんなに頻繁に来るとは思ってませんでした、彼がするべきことは沢山あると知っていましたから、
vous comprenez, cette affaire et la mort terrible de votre papa.
(You know, this affair and your father's terrible death.)
ご存じでしょう、この事件とあなたのお父さんの怖ろしい死のことは
But I suddenly heard he'd been here again, not to see me but to see Lise.
しかし、突然、彼がここに来たことを知りました、私に会うためじゃなく、リーズに会うために。
That's six days ago now. それは、６日前でした
He came, stayed five minutes, and went away.
彼は、やってきて、５分留まり、去ってゆきました。
And I didn't hear of it till three days afterwards, from Glafira,
私は、そのことを聞いていませんでした｜その３日後クラフィーラから聞くまで｜。
so it was a great shock to me. I sent for Lise directly.
She laughed.
それは私に大ショックでしした。綿は、すぐ、リーズを呼びました。彼女は、笑いました。
'He thought you were asleep,' she said, 'and came in to me to ask after your health.'
「彼は、あなたが寝ていると思ったのよ。」
彼女は言いました、「そして、私の所に来て、あなたの容態を聞いたのよ。」
Of course, that's how it happened. 勿論、それが起こったことでしょう。
But Lise, Lise, mercy on us, how she distresses me!
しかし、リーズ、後生だから、なんて私を苦しめるの！
Would you believe it, one night, four days ago, just after you saw her last time, and had gone away, she suddenly had a fit, screaming, shrieking, hysterics!
信じられます、ある晩、４日前、あなたが彼女に最後に会って、お帰りになった後、彼女は、突然、発作をおこし、叫び、金切り声をあげ、ヒステリーを起こしたの。
Why is it I never have hysterics? どうして私はヒステリーを起こさないのかしら？
Then, next day another fit, and the same thing on the third, and yesterday too, and then yesterday that aberration.
翌日、別の発作、同様に３日目、そして昨日も、そして、昨日、あの精神錯乱。
She suddenly screamed out,
彼女は、突然叫んだの、
'I hate Ivan Fyodorovitch. I insist on your never letting him come to the house again.'
「私は、イワンが大嫌い。絶対お願い、彼がこの家に二度とこないようにして。」
I was struck dumb at these amazing words, and answered,
私は、驚いて声が出なかった｜こんなびっくりさせる言葉を聞いて｜、そして答えたの、
'On what grounds could I refuse to see such an excellent young man, a young man of such learning too, and so unfortunate?'
「どんな理由でもって、私は、会う事を拒否できるの｜あんな立派な青年で、あんなに学識もある青年で、あんなに不幸な人に｜？」
for all this business is a misfortune, isn't it?
なぜなら、すべてのこの事柄は、不運のしわざではないですか？
She suddenly burst out laughing at my words, and so rudely, you know.
彼女は、突然笑い出したの｜私の言葉を聞いて｜、それも、かなり無礼に。
Well, I was pleased; でも、私は、うれしかったのよ；
I thought I had amused her and the fits would pass off,
私は、思ったの、彼女を喜ばせて、発作も消えていくだろうと、
especially as I wanted to refuse to see Ivan Fyodorovitch anyway on account of his strange visits without my knowledge, and meant to ask him for an explanation.
特に、私は、断るつもりだったし｜とにかくイワンと会う事を｜彼の不思議な訪問が理由で｜私の知らないうちの｜、彼に説明を求めるつもりだったので。
But early this morning Lise waked up and flew into a passion with Yulia and, would you believe it, slapped her in the face.
しかし、今朝はやく、リーズは、起きて、ユーリアに腹を立てて、信じられます、彼女の顔を叩いたの。
That's monstrous; I am always polite to my servants.
それは、途方もないこと； 私は、いつも、召使には丁寧なの。
And an hour later she was hugging Yulia's feet and kissing them.
１時間後には、彼女は、ユーリアの足を抱いて、キスをしたの。
She sent a message to me that she wasn't coming to me at all, and would never come and see me again,
彼女は、私に使いをよこして、彼女は、私のところには、もう来るつもりはない、決して私に会いにこないというんです。
and when I dragged myself down to her, she rushed to kiss me, crying,
私が、足を引きずりながら、彼女の所に行ったとき、彼女は、飛びついてきて、キスをし、泣いて、
and as she kissed me, she pushed me out of the room without saying a word, so I couldn't find out what was the matter.
そして、キスをしながら、私を部屋から追い出して、一言も言わないの、私は、何事か、全くわからなかったの。
Now, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I rest all my hopes on you,
ねえ、アリョーシャ、私は、すべての希望をあなたに置きます。
and, of course, my whole life is in your hands.
勿論、私の全生涯は、あなたの手の内にあります。
I simply beg you to go to Lise and find out everything from her,
as you alone can,
私は、頼みます、リーズのところに行って、彼女からすべてを聞き出して、あなたにしか出来ないから、
and come back and tell me - me, her mother,
そして、戻ってきて、私に教えて、彼女の母親の私に、
for you understand it will be the death of me, simply the death of me, if this goes on, or else
I shall run away.
なぜなら、おわかりでしょう、それは、私の死なの、もし、これが続くなら。さもなくば、私は、逃げ出してしますわ。
I can stand no more. I have patience; but I may lose patience, and then...
私は、もう耐えられない、私は、忍耐力は持ってるけど、それもなくなりそう、そしたら...
then something awful will happen. なにかとんでもないことが起こるかもしれない。
Ah, dear me! あら、どうしましょう！
At last, Pyotr Ilyitch!" cried Madame Hohlakov, beaming all over as she saw Perhotin enter the room.
ついに、ペルホーチン先生がおみえよ！」
ホフラコーワ夫人が叫びました、顔中を輝かせて｜ペルホーチン先生が部屋に入って来るのを見て｜。
"You are late, you are late! Well, sit down, speak, put us out of suspense.
「おそいわ、おそいわ、おすわりください、話して、不安から解放させて。
What does the counsel say? 弁護士さんは、なんといってますか？
Where are you off to, Alexey Fyodorovitch?" どこに行くの、アリョーシャ？」
"To Lise." 「リーズのところに」
"Oh, yes. You won't forget, you won't forget what I asked you?
「そうね。忘れないでね。私が頼んだことを。
It's a question of life and death!" それは、生と死の問題ですからね！」
"Of course, I won't forget, if I can... but I am so late," muttered Alyosha, beating a hasty retreat.
「もちろん、忘れませんよ、できるならね...でも、かなり遅れてしまった。」
アリョーシャは、つぶやきました、急いで、退却しながら。
"No, be sure, be sure to come in; don't say 'If you can.' I shall die if you don't," Madame Hohlakov called after him,
「いいえ、きっとよ、きっとよ、「できるなら」なんていわないで。もし、できないと、死んじゃいます。」
ホフラコーワ夫人は、彼のうしろから呼びかけました。
but Alyosha had already left the room. しかし、アリョーシャは、すでに、部屋を去っていました。
●Going in to Lise, he found her half reclining in the invalid chair, in which she had been wheeled when she was unable to walk.
リーズの所に行くと、彼は、見つけました｜彼女を｜病人用椅子に半身よりかかっている｜、その椅子に、彼女は、乗っていました｜歩けない時に｜。
She did not move to meet him, but her sharp, keen eyes were simply riveted on his face.
彼女は、動きませんでした｜彼を出迎えるために｜、しかし、彼女の鋭い目は、彼の顔に固定されていました。
There was a feverish look in her eyes, her face was pale and yellow.
ありました｜熱っぽい様子が｜彼女の目には｜、彼女の顔は、青白く黄ばんでいました。
Alyosha was amazed at the change that had taken place in her in three days.
アリョーシャは、驚きました｜変化に｜彼女に起きた｜３日間で｜。
She was positively thinner. She did not hold out her hand to him.
彼女は、確実に、痩せていました。彼女は、差し出しませんでした｜彼女の手を彼に｜。
He touched the thin, long fingers which lay motionless on her dress,
彼は、触りました｜細く長い指に｜動かず置かれていた｜彼女の服の上に｜。
then he sat down facing her, without a word.
そして、彼は、座りました｜彼女に向かって｜、一言もはっせずに。
"I know you are in a hurry to get to the prison," Lise said curtly,
「わかっています｜あなたがお急ぎのこと｜牢獄に行くため｜」 リーズは、ぶっきらぼうに言いました。
"and mamma's kept you there for hours; she's just been telling you about me and Yulia."
「ママは、止めたのね｜あなたを何時間も｜、彼女は、言ってたのね｜あなたに私とユーリアのことを｜。」
"How do you know?" asked Alyosha. 「どうして、ご存じなんですか？」 アリョーシャは、尋ねました。
"I've been listening. Why do you stare at me? 「ずっと聞いていたの。何故私をみつめるの？
I want to listen and I do listen, there's no harm in that.
私は、聞きたいし、聞くの、何の害もないわ｜そこには｜。
I don't apologise." 謝りません事よ。」
"You are upset about something?" 「あなたは、動揺してます｜何かに｜？」
"On the contrary, I am very happy. 「それどころか、私は、とても幸せよ。
I've only just been reflecting for the thirtieth time what a good thing it is I refused you and shall not be your wife.
私は、ただ考えてきたの｜30回も｜なんていいことかと｜私が、あなたを拒絶して、あなたの奥さんにならないことが｜。
You are not fit to be a husband. あなたは、むいていないわ｜旦那になるには｜。
If I were to marry you and give you a note to take to the man I loved after you, you'd take it and be sure to give it to him and bring an answer back, too.
もし、私が、あなたと結婚するとして、あなたにノート(手紙)を渡して、あなたの後に私が愛した人に届けてもらうようにしても、あなたは、それを受取り、きっと、それを彼に渡して、返事を持ってかえってくれるでしょう。
If you were forty, you would still go on taking my love-letters for me."
あなたは、40歳であっても、なおも、持って行き続けるでしょう｜私のラブレターを私のために｜。
●She suddenly laughed. 彼女は、突然、笑いました。
"There is something spiteful and yet openhearted about you," Alyosha smiled to her.
「ありますね｜なにか意地が悪くて、それでして率直なものが｜あなたのまわりには｜。」
アリョーシャは、彼女にほほえみました。
"The openheartedness consists in my not being ashamed of myself with you.
「率直さは、あるのよ｜私がじぶんを恥じていないことに｜あなたを相手にして｜。
What's more, I don't want to feel ashamed with you, just with you.
それどころか、私は、感じたくないの｜あなたに恥ずかしいと｜、あなたによ。
Alyosha, why is it I don't respect you?
アリョーシャ、何故かしら｜わたしが、あなたに尊敬できないって｜？
I am very fond of you, but I don't respect you.
私は、あなたが、大好きよ、でも、尊敬できないの。
If I respected you, I shouldn't talk to you without shame, should I?"
もし、尊敬してたら、恥ずかしがらずにお話すべきじゃないですよね？」
"No." 「そうですね。」
"But do you believe that I am not ashamed with you?"
「でも、信じられます｜私があなたに恥ずかしがっていないこと｜？」
"No, I don't believe it." 「いいえ、信じてません。」
Lise laughed nervously again; she spoke rapidly.
リーズは、神経質そうに笑いました、彼女は、早口にしゃべりました。
"I sent your brother, Dmitri Fyodorovitch, some sweets in prison.
「私は、送りました｜あなたの兄さんのミーチャに、甘いものを、監獄に｜。
Alyosha, you know, you are quite pretty! アリョーシャ、あのね。あなたは、とても、かわいいわ。
I shall love you awfully for having so quickly allowed me not to love you."
私は、愛すでしょう｜あなたをすごく｜、あんなにすぐ許してくれたから｜あなたを愛さなくていいと｜。」
"Why did you send for me today, Lise?"
「何故、あなたは、私を呼びによこしたの、今日、リーズ？」
"I wanted to tell you of a longing I have.
「私は、伝えたかったの｜私の持っているある希望を｜。
I should like some one to torture me, marry me and then torture me, deceive me and go away.
私は、だれかに、もらいたいの｜私をいじめて、結婚して、そして、虐めて、私をだまして、そして、去っていって｜。
I don't want to be happy." 私は、幸せにはなりたくないの。」
"You are in love with disorder?" 「あなたは、無秩序を愛しているのですか？」
"Yes, I want disorder. 「ええ、私は、無秩序が欲しいの。
I keep wanting to set fire to the house. 私は、いつも思っている｜家に火をつけたいと｜。
I keep imagining how I'll creep up and set fire to the house on the sly;
私は、いつも想像しているの｜どうやって家に忍び寄って火をつけようかと｜こっそりと｜。
it must be on the sly. それは、こっそりとじゃないとだめなの。
They'll try to put it out, but it'll go on burning.
みんな、消そうとするけど、どんどん燃えるの・
And I shall know and say nothing. 私は、知ってるけど、何もいわない。
Ah, what silliness! And how bored I am!" ああ、なんて馬鹿げたこと。なんて退屈なのかしら！」
She waved her hand with a look of repulsion. 彼女は、手をふりました｜嫌悪感を示して｜。
"It's your luxurious life," said Alyosha, softly.
「それは、あなたの贅沢な暮らしのせいですよ。」 アリョーシャは、やわらかく言いました。
"Is it better, then, to be poor?" 「それなら、貧乏な方がいいのですか？」
"Yes, it is better." 「はい、その方がいいです。」
"That's what your monk taught you. 「それは、あなたの長老が、あなたに教えたことだわ。
That's not true. それは、真実じゃない。
Let me be rich and all the rest poor, I'll eat sweets and drink cream and not give any to anyone else.
私を、金持ちにして、他人はみんな貧乏にして。私は、甘いものを食べ、クリームを飲むけど、他の人にはあげないわ。
Ach, don't speak, don't say anything"; ああ、話さないで、何も言わないで。」
she shook her hand at him, though Alyosha had not opened his mouth.
彼女は、彼に手を振りました、アリョーシャは、全然口を開いていませんでしたが。
"You've told me all that before, I know it all by heart.
「あなたは、話しました｜わてしにすべてを以前｜、私は、空ですべて覚えています。
It bores me. 退屈なのよ。
If I am ever poor, I shall murder somebody,
もし、私が、そもそも貧乏だったら、私は、誰かを殺します。
and even if I am rich, I may murder someone, perhaps - why do nothing!
例え、金持ちでも、誰かを殺すかもしれない、多分 - どうして何もしないのよ！
But do you know, I should like to reap, cut the rye?
でも、おわかり、私は、刈り入れがしたいの、ライ麦を刈りたいのよ？
I'll marry you, and you shall become a peasant, a real peasant;
私は、あなたと結婚して、あなたは、お百姓になるの、本当のお百姓に；
we'll keep a colt, shall we? 仔馬を飼いましょう、ね？
Do you know Kalganov?" カルガーノフさんをご存じ？」
"Yes." 「ええ」
"He is always wandering about, dreaming.
「彼は、いつも歩き回っているの、夢見ながら。
He says, 'Why live in real life? It's better to dream.
彼は、言うの、『どうして実生活に生きるんだ？ 夢をみたほうが、いい。
One can dream the most delightful things, but real life is a bore.'
人は、最も楽しい事を夢見ることができる。しかし、実生活は、退屈だ。』
But he'll be married soon for all that;
しかし、彼は、すぐに結婚するのよ｜それにもかかわらず｜。
he's been making love to me already.
彼は、私とも、愛し合ったことがあるのよ、｜すでに｜。
Can you spin tops?" あなたは、コマを回すことができます？」
"Yes." 「はい」
"Well, he's just like a top: 「あの、彼は丁度、コマみたいなのよ。
he wants to be wound up and set spinning and then to be lashed, lashed, lashed with a whip.
彼は、欲するの、巻き上げられて、スピンをかけられて、むちで打たれて、打たれて、打たれることを。
If I marry him, I'll keep him spinning all his life.
彼と結婚したら、綿は、彼を回り続けさせるわ｜生涯中｜。
You are not ashamed to be with me?"
あなたは、恥ずかしくない｜私と一緒にいて｜？」
"No." 「いいえ」
"You are awfully cross, because I don't talk about holy things.
「あなたは、恐ろしくご機嫌ななめね、私が、神聖なことについて話さないから。
I don't want to be holy. 私は、聖人のようにはなりたくないの。
What will they do to one in the next world for the greatest sin?
彼らは、何をするの｜人に、次の世で、彼の最大の罪に対して｜？
You must know all about that." あなたは、知っているにちがいない｜それについてすべて｜。」
"God will censure you." Alyosha was watching her steadily.
「神は、あなたを裁きます。」 アリョーシャは、彼女をじっと眺めました。
"That's just what I should like. 「それは、丁度、私の好むところよ。
I would go up and they would censure me, 私が、上って行って、彼らが、私を裁く。
and I would burst out laughing in their faces. 私は、爆笑するの｜彼らの面前で｜。
I should dreadfully like to set fire to the house, Alyosha, to our house;
私は、ものすごく、家に火をつけたいの、アリョーシャ、私達の家に。
you still don't believe me?" まだ私のこと信じませんか？」
"Why? There are children of twelve years old, who have a longing to set fire to something
「何故？ 12歳の子供達で、何かに火をつけたいと思っている人がいます。
and they do set things on fire, too. 彼らは、火をつけます。
It's a sort of disease." それは、一種の病気です。」
"That's not true, that's not true; there may be children, but that's not what I mean."
「違う、違う、子供達はいるかもしれない、でも、私が意味しているのとは違う。」
"You take evil for good; it's a passing crisis;
「あなたは、善と悪とをはきちがえている。それは、一時的な危機です。
it's the result of your illness, perhaps."
それは、あなたの病気の結果です、たぶん。」
"You do despise me, though! 「あなたは、私を軽蔑している、でも。
It's simply that I don't want to do good, I want to do evil,
単に、私は、いいことをしたくなくて、わるいことがしたいの。
and it has nothing to do with illness." それは、病気とは、関係ないわ。」
"Why do evil?" 「どうして、悪いことをするの？」
"So that everything might be destroyed. 「すべてものが、壊されるためよ。
Ah, how nice it would be if everything were destroyed!
なんてすばらしいでしょう、すべてのものが壊されたら！
You know, Alyosha, I sometimes think of doing a fearful lot of harm and everything bad,
あのね、アリョーシャ、私は、時々、したいと思うの｜恐ろしく沢山の害毒と悪い事すべてを｜、
and I should do it for a long while on the sly
私は、それを、長い時間、こっそりとしなければならないの。
and suddenly everyone would find it out.
そして、突然、みんながそれを見つけるの。
Everyone will stand round and point their fingers at me and I would look at them all.
みんなが周りに立って、指を私に向けるの、私は、彼らみんなを見つめるの。
That would be awfully nice. Why would it be so nice, Alyosha?"
怖ろしいほど素敵なの。どうして、そんなに素敵なの、アリョーシャー？」
"I don't know. 「わかりません。
It's a craving to destroy something good or, as you say, to set fire to something.
それは、強い欲求です｜何か良いものを壊したいという｜、または、あなたの言うように、何かに火を付けたいという欲求です。
It happens sometimes." それは、時々、起きるものです。」
"I not only say it, I shall do it." 「私は、言うだけじゃないの。私は、するの。」
"I believe you." 「信じますよ。」
"Ah, how I love you for saying you believe me.
「ああ、あなたが、大好き、信じると言ってくださるなんて。
And you are not lying one little bit. それに、あなたは、一言も嘘は言ってないでしょう。
But perhaps you think that I am saying all this on purpose to annoy you?"
でも、多分、あなたは思ってるでしょ、私は、言ってるって｜このすべてをあなたを困らせるために｜。」
"No, I don't think that... though perhaps there is a little desire to do that in it, too."
「いいえ、思ってませんよ。でも、多分、少しはあるでしょうね｜そうしたいという欲望が｜そこには｜。」
"There is a little. I never can tell lies to you," she declared, with a strange fire in her eyes.
「少しはあるわ。私は、決して嘘はつけない｜あなたには｜。」
彼女は、言い切りました、彼女の目には、不思議な火がありました。
What struck Alyosha above everything was her earnestness.
何よりもアリョーシャを感動させたのは、彼女の真摯さでした。
There was not a trace of humour or jesting in her face now,
ありませんでした｜ユーモアやふざけの一かけらも｜彼女の顔には｜今｜、
though, in old days, fun and gaiety never deserted her even at her most "earnest" moments.
けれども｜昔には、楽しさや陽気さは、決して、彼女から去りませんでした｜彼女の最高に「まじめな」瞬間にも｜。
"There are moments when people love crime," said Alyosha thoughtfully.
「あります｜人が罪を愛する瞬間が｜。」 アリョーシャは、考え込んだ様子で言いました。
"Yes, yes! You have uttered my thought;
「そうよ、そうよ、あなたは、私の考えをいいあててくれた。
they love crime, everyone loves crime, they love it always, not at some 'moments.'
人は、罪を愛するの、みんな、罪を愛するの、つねに愛するの、ある「瞬間」だけじゃないわ。
You know, it's as though people have made an agreement to lie about it and have lied about it ever since.
あのね、人は、まるで、そのことについて嘘を言う約束をして、それ以来それについて嘘をついてきたかのようなの。
They all declare that they hate evil, but secretly they all love it."
みんな、悪は嫌いだと宣言するけど、内密には、みんな、悪を愛しているのよ。」
"And are you still reading nasty books?"
「あなたは、あいかわらず、悪い本を読んでるんですか？」
"Yes, I am. Mamma reads them and hides them under her pillow and I steal them."
「ええ、そうよ。ママが読んで、枕の下に隠すので、私が盗むの。」
"Aren't you ashamed to destroy yourself?"
「恥ずかしくないですか｜自分をだめにして｜？」
"I want to destroy myself. 「自分をだめにしたいの。
There's a boy here, who lay down between the railway lines when the train was passing.
ここに男の子がいてね、線路の間に寝ていたの｜列車が通過したときに｜。
Lucky fellow! 運のいいやつ！
Listen, your brother is being tried now for murdering his father
聞いて、あなたのお兄さんは、お父さんを殺したことで裁判にかけられている。
and everyone loves his having killed his father."
みんな、お兄さんがお父さんを殺したことを喜んでいるのよ。」
"Loves his having killed his father?" 「喜んでるって｜父さんを殺したことを｜？」
"Yes, loves it; everyone loves it! 「ええ、愛してるわ。みんな、愛してるわ！」
Everybody says it's so awful, but secretly they simply love it.
みんな、恐ろしいことだと言っている、でも、内心では、ただそれを愛してるのよ。
I for one love it." 私は、個人として、愛してるわ。」
"There is some truth in what you say about everyone," said Alyosha softly.
「いくらか真実がありますね｜あなたがみんなについて言っていることの中には｜。」
アリョーシャは、やさしく言いました。
"Oh, what ideas you have!" Lise shrieked in delight.
「あら、なんて考えをおもちなの！」 リーズは、喜んで叫びました。
"And you a monk, too! You wouldn't believe how I respect you, Alyosha, for never telling lies.
「あなたは、お坊さんでもあるのよ。信じないかもしれないけど、わたしが、どれだけあなたを尊敬していることか｜アリョーシャ、あなたが決して嘘をつかないことに｜。
Oh, I must tell you a funny dream of mine. 私のおかしな夢について、お話するわ。
I sometimes dream of devils. It's night; 私は、時々、悪魔の夢を見るの。夜よ。
I am in my room with a candle 私は、部屋にいるの、ろうそくを灯して、
and suddenly there are devils all over the place, in all the corners, under the table, and they open the doors;
突然、悪魔がいるの、そこらへん中、すべての隅に、机の下に、そして、やつらは、ドウを開けるの。
there's a crowd of them behind the doors and they want to come and seize me.
大勢いるの｜ドアのむこうに｜、そして、入って来て、私を捕まえたいのよ。
And they are just coming, just seizing me. やつらが、入ってきて、私を捕まえようとするの。
But I suddenly cross myself and they all draw back,
でも、突然、私が、十字を切り、やつらは、みんな後ずさりしたの、
though they don't go away altogether, they stand at the doors and in the corners, waiting.
けど、やつらは、全然逃げ出さないで、ドアの所や隅っこに立ち、待ってるの。
And suddenly I have a frightful longing to revile God aloud, and so I begin,
とつぜん、私は、持ち｜怖ろしい欲望を｜神を大声で罵倒したいという｜、罵り始めます。
and then they come crowding back to me, delighted, and seize me again
やつらは、もどってきて群がり、嬉しそうにし、私を再び捕えます。
and I cross myself again and they all draw back.
私は、再び、十字をきり、やつらは、後ずさりします。
It's awful fun, it takes one's breath away."
それは、恐ろしく面白いことで、人に息をのませます。」
"I've had the same dream, too," said Alyosha suddenly.
「私も、同じ夢を見たよ。」 アリョーシャが、突然、言いました。
"Really?" cried Lise, surprised. 「本当に？」 リーゼは、叫びました、驚いて。
"I say, Alyosha, don't laugh, that's awfully important.
「あのね、アリョーシャ、笑わないで、恐ろしく大切なことよ。
Could two different people have the same dream?"
二人の別の人が、おなじ夢を見るってありえますか？」
"It seems they can." 「見れるようだね。」
"Alyosha, I tell you, it's awfully important," Lise went on, with really excessive amazement.
「アリョーシャ、言うけど、それは恐ろしく大切な事よ。」
リーズは、続けました、本当に度を越えた驚きの中で。
"It's not the dream that's important, but your having the same dream as me.
「大切なのは、夢(自体)じゃなくて、あなたが、私と同じ夢を見たことなのよ。
You never lie to me, don't lie now; is it true? You are not laughing?"
あなたは、決して嘘をつかない、今、嘘をつかないで、本当なの？ 笑ってない？」
"It's true." 「本当だよ。」
Lise seemed extraordinarily impressed and for half a minute she was silent.
リーズは、非常に感動したようでした、30秒間、彼女は無言でした。
"Alyosha, come and see me, come and see me more often," she said suddenly, in a supplicating voice.
「アリョーシャ、会いに来て、もっと頻繁に会いに来て。」 彼女は、突然言いました、懇願するような声で。
"I'll always come to see you, all my life," answered Alyosha firmly.
「私は、いつも会いに来ますよ、ずっと。」 アリョーシャは、きっぱりと答えました。
"You are the only person I can talk to, you know," Lise began again.
「あなたは、私がお話できる唯一の人なのよ。」 リーズが、話し始めました。
"I talk to no one but myself and you. Only you in the whole world.
「私は、誰とも話さないの｜私自身とあなた以外は｜。あなた一人なの｜全世界で｜。
And to you more readily than to myself.
あなたとの方が、私自身よりも、もっと容易なの。
And I am not a bit ashamed with you, not a bit.
私は、少しも恥ずかしくないの、あなたには、少しも。
Alyosha, why am I not ashamed with you, not a bit?
アリョーシャ、何故、私は、あなたには恥ずかしくないのかしら、少しも？
Alyosha, is it true that at Easter the Jews steal a child and kill it?"
アリョーシャ、本当｜イースターに、ユダヤ一は、子供を盗んで、殺すって｜？
"I don't know." 「知りませんよ。」
"There's a book here in which I read about the trial of a Jew,
「ここに本があって、あるユダヤ人の裁判について読んだの、
who took a child of four years old and cut off the fingers from both hands,
彼は、４歳の子供を取って、両手から指を切り落としたの
and then crucified him on the wall, hammered nails into him and crucified him,
そして、その子を壁に張り付けにして、釘を打ち付けて張り付けにしたの、
and afterwards, when he was tried, he said that the child died soon, within four hours.
そして、その後、裁判のときに、彼は言ったの｜子供はすぐ死んだ、４時間以内にと｜。
That was 'soon'! それは、「すぐ」ですって！
He said the child moaned, kept on moaning and he stood admiring it. That's nice!"
彼は、言ったの、子供がうめいたって、呻き続けたって、彼は、立って、称賛するの。素敵だ。
"Nice?" 「素敵ですって？」
"Nice; I sometimes imagine that it was I who crucified him.
「素敵よ。私は、時々想像するの、私こそが、彼を磔にしたんだって。
He would hang there moaning 彼がそこに吊るされて、うめいている。
and I would sit opposite him eating pineapple compote.
私は、彼の向かいに座って、パイナップルのコンポートを食べているの。
I am awfully fond of pineapple compote. Do you like it?"
私は、おそろしく、パイナップルのコンポートが好きなのよ。あなたは？」
Alyosha looked at her in silence.
アリョーシャは、彼女を無言で眺めました。
Her pale, sallow face was suddenly contorted, her eyes burned.
彼女の青白く黄ばんだ顔は、突然、ゆがみ、彼女の目は、燃えました。
"You know, when I read about that Jew I shook with sobs all night.
「あのね、私がそのユダヤ人について読んだとき、一晩中ふるえ泣きましたのよ。
I kept fancying how the little thing cried and moaned (a child of four years old understands, you know),
私は、想像し続けたわ｜あの小さい子が泣いてうめいている様子を｜、(４歳の子供ならわかるでしょう)。
and all the while the thought of pineapple compote haunted me.
そして、その間中、パイナップル・コンポートの思いが、私に取り憑きました。
In the morning I wrote a letter to a certain person, begging him particularly to come and see me.
次の朝、私は、ある人に手紙を書きました、彼に会いにきて下さいとお願いする手紙を。
He came and I suddenly told him all about the child and the pineapple compote.
彼が来て、私は、すべて話したの｜その子とパイナップル･コンポートについて｜。
All about it, all, and said that it was nice.
すべてについて、そして、言ったの、素敵だって。
He laughed and said it really was nice. 彼は、笑って、素敵だって言ったの。
Then he got up and went away. He was only here five minutes.
彼は、立ち上がって去ったわ。彼は、５分間いただけ。
Did he despise me? Did he despise me? Tell me, tell me, Alyosha, did he despise me or not?"
彼は、私のこと軽蔑した？ 軽蔑した？ 教えて、アリョーシャ、彼は、私を軽蔑したの、違うの？
She sat up on the couch, with flashing eyes.
彼女は、長椅子から起き上がりました、両目は、ひかっていまた。
"Tell me," Alyosha asked anxiously, "did you send for that person?"
「教えて」 アリョーシャは、心配そうに尋ねました、「手紙で呼んだんですね？」。
"Yes, I did." 「はい。」
"Did you send him a letter?" 「手紙を送ったんですね？」
"Yes." 「はい。」
"Simply to ask about that, about that child?"
「単に尋ねるために｜そのことについて、その子供について｜？
"No, not about that at all. But when he came, I asked him about that at once.
「ちがう、それについてではないわ。でも、彼が入ってきたとき、私は、すぐそれについて尋ねたの。
He answered, laughed, got up and went away."
彼は、答えて、笑って、立ち上がって、去って行ったの。」
"That person behaved honourably," Alyosha murmured.
「その方は、立派に振る舞いましたよ。」アリョーシャは、つぶやきました。
"And did he despise me? Did he laugh at me?"
「彼は、私を軽蔑したの？ 彼は私を笑ったの？」
"No, for perhaps he believes in the pineapple compote himself.
「いいえ、多分、彼も、パイナップル･コンポートを信じているのかも。
He is very ill now, too, Lise." 彼もひどい病気なんですよ、今、リーズ。」
"Yes, he does believe in it," said Lise, with flashing eyes.
「そう、彼も、それを信じているのよ。」 リーズは、言いました、目をかがやかせて。
"He doesn't despise anyone," Alyosha went on.
「彼は、誰も、軽蔑してないんです。」 アリョーシャは、続けました。
"Only he does not believe anyone. 「ただ、彼は、誰も信じない。
If he doesn't believe in people, of course, he does despise them."
もし、人を信じていないなら、勿論、彼は人を軽蔑しているんです。」
"Then he despises me, me?" 「では、私も軽蔑している、私も？」
"You, too." 「あなたも。」
"Good." Lise seemed to grind her teeth.
「いいわ。」 リーズは、歯ぎしりしているようでした。
"When he went out laughing, I felt that it was nice to be despised.
「彼が笑いながら出て行ったとき、私は、感じたの｜軽蔑されるのもすてきだと｜。
The child with fingers cut off is nice, and to be despised is nice..."
指を切り落とされた子供も素敵、軽蔑されることも素敵...」
And she laughed in Alyosha's face, a feverish malicious laugh.
彼女、笑いました｜アリョーシャに面と向かって｜、熱っぽく意地悪そうな笑を。
"Do you know, Alyosha, do you know, I should like... Alyosha, save me!"
「知ってる、アリョーシャ、知ってる、私は... アリョーシャ、助けて！」
She suddenly jumped from the couch, rushed to him and seized him with both hands.
彼女は、突然、飛び出し｜長椅子から｜、彼のところに走り、彼を両手で捕まえました。
"Save me!" she almost groaned.
「助けて！」 彼女は、殆ど、うめき声でした。
"Is there anyone in the world I could tell what I've told you?
「いますか｜誰かこの世に｜私が話せる人が｜私があなたに話したことを｜？
I've told you the truth, the truth. 私は、あなたに真実を話しました、真実を。
I shall kill myself, because I loathe everything!
死にます、だって、すべてが嫌だもの。
I don't want to live, because I loathe everything!
私は、生きたくない、だって、すべてが嫌だもの。
I loathe everything, everything. 私は、嫌、すべてが、すべてが。
Alyosha, why don't you love me in the least?" she finished in a frenzy.
アリョーシャ、どうしてあなたは、私の事を、すこしも愛してくれないの？」 彼女は、狂乱の内に、話し終えました。
"But I do love you!" answered Alyosha warmly.
「でも、私は、愛してますよ。」 アリョーシャは、暖かく答えました。
"And will you weep over me, will you?" 「泣いてくださる｜私のことで｜？」
"Yes." 「はい」
"Not because I won't be your wife, but simply weep for me?"
「私があなたのお嫁さんになりたくないからじゃなくて、単に、私のために泣いてくださる？」
"Yes." 「はい」
"Thank you! It's only your tears I want. 「ありがとう。あなたの涙だけ、私が欲しいのは。
Everyone else may punish me and trample me under foot, everyone, everyone, not excepting anyone.
ほかの人は、誰でも、私を罰して、足で踏みつけてもいいの、だれでも、だれでも、誰一人例外なく。
For I don't love anyone. 私は、誰も愛してないから。
Do you hear, not anyone! On the contrary, I hate him!
わかって、だれもよ。それどころか、憎んでるわ。
Go, Alyosha; it's time you went to your brother";
行って、アリョーシャ、兄さんのところへ行く時間よ。」
she tore herself away from him suddenly. 彼女は、彼から離れました、突然。
"How can I leave you like this?" said Alyosha, almost in alarm.
「どうしてあなたを置いていけるのですか｜こんな状態で｜？」アリョーシャは、言いました、殆ど驚愕して。
"Go to your brother, the prison will be shut;
「兄さんのところに行って、監獄が閉まってしまうわ；
go, here's your hat. Give my love to Mitya, go, go!"
行って、帽子よ。ミーチャによろしくね、行って、行って！」
And she almost forcibly pushed Alyosha out of the door.
彼女は、殆ど力づくで、アリョーシャをドアから押し出しました。
He looked at her with pained surprise,
彼は、彼女を、悲しそうな驚きの内に、ながめました。
when he was suddenly aware of a letter in his right hand, a tiny letter folded up tight and sealed.
その時、彼は、気付きました｜右手に手紙があるのに｜、小さな手紙が折りたたまれ、封がされていました。
He glanced at it and instantly read the address, "To Ivan Fyodorovitch Karamazov."
彼は、それを見て、すぐさま宛先を読みました、「イワンさま」。
He looked quickly at Lise. Her face had become almost menacing.
彼は、急いでリーズを見ました。彼女の顔は、ほとんど脅しつけるようでした。
"Give it to him, you must give it to him!" she ordered him, trembling and beside herself.
「渡してね、渡さないといけません！」 彼女は、命令しました、ふるえながら、われをわすれていました。
"Today, at once, or I'll poison myself! That's why I sent for you."
「今日、すぐにね、さもなくば私は、毒を飲みます。これがあなたを呼んだ理由なの。」
And she slammed the door quickly. そして、彼女は、ドアをピシャリと閉めました。
The bolt clicked. 錠が、カチッと閉まりました。
Alyosha put the note in his pocket and went straight downstairs, without going back to Madame Hohlakov; forgetting her, in fact.
アリョーシャは、手紙をポケットにしまい、直接、１階に降りました、ホフラコーワ夫人の所には、戻らずに、実のところ、彼女の事は忘れていたのです。
As soon as Alyosha had gone, Lise unbolted the door, opened it a little, put her finger in the crack and slammed the door with all her might, pinching her finger.
アリョーシャが去るとすぐ、リーズは、ドアの錠を外して、少しだけ開け、隙間に指を入れて、力いっぱいドアを閉め、指をつぶしました。
Ten seconds after, releasing her finger, she walked softly, slowly to her chair, sat up straight in it and looked intently at her blackened finger and at the blood that oozed from under the nail.
10秒後、指を解放して、彼女は、ゆっくりゆっくり椅子にもどり、背筋をのばして座り、じっと見つめました｜黒ずんだと指を爪の下かから滲みだす血を｜。
Her lips were quivering and she kept whispering rapidly to herself:
彼女の唇は、震え、ささやき続けました｜早口で自分に｜。
"I am a wretch, wretch, wretch, wretch!"
「私は、ひとでなし、ひとでなし、ひとでなし！」
●It was quite late (days are short in November) when Alyosha rang at the prison gate.
かなり遅い時刻でした (11月は日が短いです) アリョーシャが監獄の門でベルを鳴らしたのは。
It was beginning to get dusk. 夕暮れが始まっていました。
But Alyosha knew that he would be admitted without difficulty.
アリョーシャは、知っていました｜入れてもらえることを｜困難なく｜。
Things were managed in our little town, as everywhere else.
物事は、何とかなっています｜我々の小さな町では｜、よそのどことも同じように。
At first, of course, on the conclusion of the preliminary inquiry, relations and a few other persons could only obtain interviews with Mitya by going through certain inevitable formalities.
勿論、最初は、予審が結審して、関係者(親戚)や何人かの人だけが、ミーチャと面会することができました｜或る不可避の手続きを経ることにより｜、
But later, though the formalities were not relaxed, exceptions were made for some, at least, of Mitya's visitors.
しかし、その後、手続きは緩和されませんが、例外は認められました｜少なくとも何人かは｜ミーチャの面会者に関して｜。
So much so, that sometimes the interviews with the prisoner in the room set aside for the purpose were practically tete-a-tete.
そんな具合なので、時々、面会｜囚人(ミーチャのこと)との｜その目的のためにとってある部屋での｜、は、実際のところ、差し向かいでした。
●These exceptions, however, were few in number; only Grushenka, Alyosha and Rakitin were treated like this.
しかし、こういう例外は、数ではわずかでした；
グルーシェニカと、アリョーシャと、ラキーチンが、このように扱われました。
But the captain of the police, Mihail Mihailovitch, was very favourably disposed to Grushenka.
しかし、警察所長のミハイル･ミハイロビッチは、グルーシェニカに非常に好意を持っていました。
His abuse of her at Mokroe weighed on the old man's conscience,
彼の虐待｜彼女へのモークロエでの｜、は、重くのしかかっていました｜この老人の良心に｜、
and when he learned the whole story, he completely changed his view of her.
そして、全体のお話を知って、彼は、完全に変えました｜彼の彼女への意見を｜。
And strange to say, though he was firmly persuaded of his guilt, yet after Mitya was once in prison, the old man came to take a more and more lenient view of him.
そして、言うも不思議、彼は、ミーチャの罪に堅く納得していましたが、それでも、ミーチャが一旦監獄に入ると、老人は、なりました｜彼についてもっともっと寛大な意見をとるように｜。
"He was a man of good heart, perhaps," he thought,
「彼は、良い心の男だった、多分」 彼は、思いました。
"who had come to grief from drinking and dissipation."
「彼は、悲嘆にあったのだ｜飲酒と放蕩から｜。」
His first horror had been succeeded by pity.
彼の最初の恐怖は、哀れみに取って代わられたのでした。
As for Alyosha, the police captain was very fond of him and had known him for a long time.
アリョーシャに関しては、警察署長は、彼のことを大層好んでいて、長期の知り合いでした。
Rakitin, who had of late taken to coming very often to see the prisoner, was one of the most intimate acquaintances of the "police captain's young ladies," as he called them, and was always hanging about their house.
ラキーチンは、最近、なりましたが｜囚人(ミーチャ)にしばしば会いに行くように｜、彼は、最も親しい知人の一人です｜「所長レディーズ」の｜彼が言うところの｜、そして、いつもうろつきまわりました｜彼女達の家の周りを｜。
He gave lessons in the house of the prison superintendent, too, who, though scrupulous in the performance of his duties, was a kindhearted old man.
彼は、教えていました｜看守長の家で｜、看守長は、彼の任務の執行に実直な人ですが、心やさしい老人でした。
Alyosha, again, had an intimate acquaintance of long standing with the superintendent, who was fond of talking to him, generally on sacred subjects.
アリョーシャは、また、長期の親密な知己をえていましたが｜最高責任者(警察署長)との｜、彼は、彼と話すのが好きでした、概して「聖なる話題」について。
He respected Ivan Fyodorovitch, and stood in awe of his opinion, though he was a great philosopher himself; "self-taught," of course.
彼は、イワンを尊敬していました、彼の意見に畏敬の念をいだいていました、彼自身偉大な哲学者でありましたが、勿論「独学」ですが。
But Alyosha had an irresistible attraction for him.
しかし、アリョーシャには、抵抗できない引力がありました｜彼にとって｜。
During the last year the old man had taken to studying the Apocryphal Gospels, and constantly talked over his impressions with his young friend.
昨年の間、老人は、専念しました｜外典福音書の勉強に｜、そして、いつも話しました｜彼の印象についてこの若い友(アリョーシャ)と｜。
He used to come and see him in the monastery and discussed for hours together with him and with the monks.
彼は、会いにきたものでした｜彼に修道院に｜、そして、議論しました｜何時間も彼や修道僧たちと一緒に｜。
So even if Alyosha were late at the prison, he had only to go to the superintendent and everything was made easy.
そこで、アリョーシャは、例え、監獄に遅れても、彼は、ただ最高責任者(警察署長)の所に行くだけで、すべては、収まりました。
Besides, everyone in the prison, down to the humblest warder, had grown used to Alyosha.
その上、監獄のすべての人は、最も卑しい看守に至るまで、アリョーシャに慣れっこになっていました。
The sentry, of course, did not trouble him so long as the authorities were satisfied.
番兵は、勿論、彼を煩わせませんでした、上司が満たされているかぎり。
●When Mitya was summoned from his cell, he always went downstairs, to the place set aside for interviews.
ミーチャが、牢屋から呼ばれたとき、彼は、いつも下に降りて、面会のために取り置けられた部屋に行きました。
As Alyosha entered the room he came upon Rakitin, who was just taking leave of Mitya.
アリョーシャが、部屋に入ったとき、ラキーチンに出会いました、ラキーチンは、ミーチャに別れを告げたところでした。
They were both talking loudly. 二人は、共に、大きな声で語りました。
Mitya was laughing heartily as he saw him out, while Rakitin seemed grumbling.
ミーチャは、心から笑っていました｜ラキーチンを見送りながら｜、一方、ラキーチンは、ブツブツ言っていました。
Rakitin did not like meeting Alyosha, especially of late.
ラキーチは、アリョーシャに会う事を好みませんでした、特に、最近は。
He scarcely spoke to him, and bowed to him stiffly.
彼は、殆ど彼には話しかけることなく、挨拶も堅苦しいものでした。
Seeing Alyosha enter now, he frowned and looked away, as though he were entirely absorbed in buttoning his big, warm, fur-trimmed overcoat.
アリョーシャが、今入って来るのを見て、彼は、眉をひそめ、目をそらしました、あたかも、彼は、没頭しているかのように｜ボタンどめに｜大きな暖かい毛皮の襟のついた外套の｜。
Then he began looking at once for his umbrella.
そして、彼は、すぐに、傘を探し始めました。
"I must mind not to forget my belongings," he muttered, simply to say something.
「気を付けないと｜持ち物を忘れないように｜。」 彼は、つぶやきました、単に何かを言う為に。
"Mind you don't forget other people's belongings," said Mitya, as a joke, and laughed at once at his own wit.
「気をつけて、他人の持ち物も忘れないでね。」
ミーチャは、言いました、冗談として、そして、笑いました｜すぐ自分の洒落に｜。
Rakitin fired up instantly. ラキーチンは、すぐに燃え上がりました。
"You'd better give that advice to your own family, who've always been a slave-driving lot, and not to Rakitin," he cried, suddenly trembling with anger.
「お前は、した方がいい｜そんな忠告は｜お前の家族に、ずっと奴隷を働かせてきた土地だったお前の家族に｜。ラキーチン様には、するな。」
彼は叫びました、突然怒りに震えながら。
"What's the matter? I was joking," cried Mitya.
「どうしたんだい？ 冗談だぜ。」 ミーチャは、叫びました。
"Damn it all! They are all like that." 「畜生め！ やつらは、みんなこうだ。」
He turned to Alyosha, nodding towards Rakitin's hurriedly retreating figure.
彼は、アリョーシャの方を向きました、うなづきながら｜急いで退いていくスキーチンの姿の方を向いて｜。
"He was sitting here, laughing and cheerful, and all at once he boils up like that.
「彼はここに座っていて、笑っていて、楽しそうだった、そして、突然、沸騰した｜あんな風に｜。
He didn't even nod to you. お前には、会釈すらしなかった。
Have you broken with him completely? 完全に絶交したのかい？
Why are you so late? なんで、お前は、こんなに遅れたんだ？
I've not been simply waiting, but thirsting for you the whole morning.
お前をただ待ってたんじゃないぞ、待ちわびてたんだぞ｜午前中いっぱい｜。
But never mind. We'll make up for it now." しかし、気にするな。とりもどそう。」
"Why does he come here so often? 「どうして、彼はここによく来るんですか？
Surely you are not such great friends?" asked Alyosha.
たしかあなたは、彼とは、よい友達じゃないでしょう？」 アリョーシャは、尋ねました。
He, too, nodded at the door through which Rakitin had disappeared.
彼も、ドアに向かって、うなづきました、スキーチンが出て行ったドアに向かって。
"Great friends with Rakitin? No, not as much as that.
「ラキーチンと大の仲良しかだと？ いんや、そんなんじゃない。
Is it likely - a pig like that? それは、多分...豚、そんなものかな？
He considers I am... a blackguard. やつは、私が..ごろつきだとさ。
They can't understand a joke either, that's the worst of such people.
やつらは、冗談がわからない。そこが、あんなやつらの最悪なところだ。
They never understand a joke, and their souls are dry, dry and flat;
やつらは、毛って冗談がわからない、やつらの魂は、涸れて、涸れて、まっ平だ。
they remind me of prison walls when I was first brought here.
やつらは、牢屋の壁を思いださせる。私が、初めてここに来たときの壁を。
But he is a clever fellow, very clever. しかし、やつは、賢いやつだ、非常に賢い。
Well, Alexey, it's all over with me now." で、アリョーシャ、俺は、もうおしまいだ。」
●He sat down on the bench and made Alyosha sit down beside him.
彼は、ベンチに座り、アリョーシャに隣に座らせました。
"Yes, the trial's tomorrow. Are you so hopeless, brother?"
「ええ、裁判は、明日です。あなたは、そんなに見込み薄なんですか、兄さん？」
Alyosha said, with an apprehensive feeling.
アリョーシャは、言いました、心配している感情を込めて。
"What are you talking about?" said Mitya, looking at him rather uncertainly.
「何を言ってるんだ？」 ミーチャは、言いました、彼を、あやふやな風に見ながら。
"Oh, you mean the trial! Damn it all!
「ああ、裁判のことか！ くそくらえ！
Till now we've been talking of things that don't matter, about this trial,
今迄、俺達は、余り重要ではないことばかり話してきた、この裁判について、
but I haven't said a word to you about the chief thing.
私は、一言もおまえに言わなかった、重要なことについて。
Yes, the trial is tomorrow; ああ、裁判は、明日だ。
but it wasn't the trial I meant, when I said it was all over with me.
しかし、裁判のことじゃない｜私が意味したのは｜私が、おしまいだと言ったとき｜。
Why do you look at me so critically?" どうして、そんなに批判的な目で私を見るんだ？」
"What do you mean, Mitya?" 「どういう意味です、ミーチャ？」
"Ideas, ideas, that's all! Ethics! What is ethics?"
「アイデアだ、アイデアだ、それがすべてだ。倫理！ 倫理とは何だ？
"Ethics?" asked Alyosha, wondering. 「倫理？」 アリョーシャは、いぶかりながら、尋ねました。
"Yes; is it a science?" 「ああ、それは、科学か？」
"Yes, there is such a science... but... 「ええ、そんな科学はあります...でも...
I confess I can't explain to you what sort of science it is."
正直言って、説明できません｜どんな科学なのかを｜。」
"Rakitin knows. Rakitin knows a lot, damn him!
「ラキーチンは、知っている。ラキーチンは、たくさん知っている、畜生、やつめ！
He's not going to be a monk. He means to go to Petersburg.
やつは、修道僧になるつもりはない。やつは、ペテルブルグに行くつもりだ。
There he'll go in for criticism of an elevating tendency.
そこで、彼は、従事しようとしている｜批評に｜上昇傾向にある。
Who knows, he may be of use and make his own career, too.
知るもんか、彼は、役に立って、出世するかもしれない。
Ough! they are first-rate, these people, at making a career!
あー！ やつらは、一級だ、出世するに第一級だ！
Damn ethics, I am done for, Alexey, I am, you man of God! I love you more than anyone.
畜生、倫理、私は、終わりだ、アリョーシャ、私は、お前は神の人だ、誰よりもお前を愛すよ。
It makes my heart yearn to look at you. 私の心は、お前を見たいと憧れるよ。
Who was Karl Bernard?" カール･ペルナールって誰だ？」
"Karl Bernard?" Alyosha was surprised again.
「カール･ベルナール？」 アリョーシャは、また、驚きました。
"No, not Karl. Stay, I made a mistake. Claude Bernard. What was he? Chemist or what?"
「いや、カールじゃない。待て。間違えた。クロード･ベルナール。彼は、何者だ？ 化学者か、それとも？」
"He must be a savant," answered Alyosha;
「彼は、学者には違いありません。」 アリョーシャは、答えました。
"but I confess I can't tell you much about him, either.
「しかし、正直言って、私は、彼について、余り多くを語れません。
I've heard of him as a savant, but what sort I don't know."
私は、彼のことを学者と聞いていますが、どんな種類かについては、知りません。」
"Well, damn him, then! I don't know either," swore Mitya.
「いや、畜生！ 私も、知らない。」 ミーチャは、断言しました。
"A scoundrel of some sort, most likely. They are all scoundrels.
「どこかの悪党さ、多分な。やつらはみんな悪党だ。
And Rakitin will make his way. ラキーチンは、前に進むだろう。
Rakitin will get on anywhere; he is another Bernard. Ugh, these Bernards!
ラキーチンは、どこでも行ける。彼は、別のベルナールだ。このベルナールどもめ！
They are all over the place." やつらは、どこにもいる。」
"But what is the matter?" Alyosha asked insistently.
「でも、どうしたんです？」 アリョーシャは、尋ねました、しつこく。
"He wants to write an article about me, about my case, and so begin his literary career.
「彼は、記事を書きたい｜私について、私の事件について｜、そして、文藝のキャリアを始めたいのさ。
That's what he comes for; he said so himself.
それが、彼が来る目的だ； 自分でそう言ったよ。
He wants to prove some theory. 彼は、証明したいのさ｜ある理論を｜。
He wants to say 'he couldn't help murdering his father, he was corrupted by his environment,' and so on.
彼は、言いたいんだ、『彼は、父親を殺さずにはいられない；彼は環境に汚染されてしまった』 などなど。
He explained it all to me. 彼は、説明したよ｜そのすべてを私に｜。
He is going to put in a tinge of Socialism, he says.
彼は、社会主義の色合いを付けようとしている、彼がいうには。
But there, damn the fellow, he can put in a tinge if he likes, I don't care.
しかし、ほら、あやつめ、色合いを付ければいいさ｜望むなら｜、かまうものか。
He can't bear Ivan, he hates him. He's not fond of you, either.
やつは、イワンにも耐えられない、イワンが嫌いだ。やつは、お前も好きではない。
But I don't turn him out, for he is a clever fellow.
俺は、やつを追い出さない、やつが、賢いやつだからだ。
Awfully conceited, though. しかし、恐ろしいほど、うぬぼれていやがる。
I said to him just now, 俺は、やつに、ついさっき、言ってやったんだ、
'The Karamazovs are not blackguards, but philosophers;
『カラマーゾフ家は、ごろつきじゃない、哲学者だ、
for all true Russians are philosophers,
真のロシア人は、みんな、哲学者だからだ。
and though you've studied, you are not a philosopher- you are a low fellow.'
お前は、勉強はしたが、哲学者じゃない。お前は、下劣なやつだ。』 とね。
He laughed, so maliciously. やつは、笑ったさ。悪意に満ちていた。
And I said to him, そこで、やつに言った、
'De ideabus non est disputandum.' There's no disputing ideas. 議論すべからず
Isn't that rather good? こいつぁ、よくないか？
I can set up for being a classic, you see!" Mitya laughed suddenly.
俺は、古典になるように仕立てあげることができるのさ！」 ミーチャは、突然わらいました。
"Why is it all over with you? You said so just now," Alyosha interposed.
「何故おしまいなんですか？ さっき、そう言いました。」 アリョーシャは、差しはさみました。
"Why is it all over with me? H'm!... 「なぜ、おしまいかだって？ ふむ。
The fact of it is... if you take it as a whole, I am sorry to lose God - that's why it is."
それはな...大雑把にいうば、神さまを失うのが残念なのさ。それが理由だ。」
"What do you mean by 'sorry to lose God'?"
「どういう意味ですか、「神を失うのが残念」って？」
"Imagine: inside, in the nerves, in the head - that is, these nerves are there in the brain...
「想像しろ、頭の中の神経の中の中...つまり、神経が、頭の中のそこにある
(damn them!) there are sort of little tails, the little tails of those nerves,
(畜生) ちっちゃな尻尾のようなのがる、神経のちっちゃな尻尾だ
and as soon as they begin quivering... そいつらが、震え出すとすぐに
that is, you see, I look at something with my eyes
つまり、あのね、私は、何かを見るとする、私の目で。
and then they begin quivering, those little tails...
すると、そいつらが、動き始めるんだ、ちっちゃな尻尾がね、
and when they quiver, then an image appears...
すると、そいつらが動き出したとき、イメージが現れるんだ
it doesn't appear at once, but an instant, a second, passes...
イメージは、瞬間にあらわれるんじゃない、ある瞬間、次の瞬間、が経って...
and then something like a moment appears;
すると、何かモーメントのようなものが現れる
that is, not a moment - devil take the moment!-
つまり、モーメントじゃない - 悪魔がモーメントを取る！
but an image; that is, an object, or an action, damn it!
いや、イメージだ、つまり、物体だ、いや、動作だ、畜生！
That's why I see and then think, because of those tails,
これが、見て、そして思う理由なんだ、この尻尾のせいで、
not at all because I've got a soul, and that I am some sort of image and likeness.
では全然ありません｜私に、魂があり、しかも、私が、なんらかの像だったり似姿だったりするから｜。
All that is nonsense! Rakitin explained it all to me yesterday, brother,
すべて、ナンセンスです。ラキーチンは、全部説明してくれました、昨日、アリョーシャ。
and it simply bowled me over. It's magnificent, Alyosha, this science!
それは、単純に、私を打倒したよ。すばらしい。アリョーシャ、この科学は！
A new man's arising - that I understand.... And yet I am sorry to lose God!"
新しい人が生れている。それは、わかる。それでも、私は、神を失うのが残念だ。」
"Well, that's a good thing, anyway," said Alyosha.
「ええ、それは、良い事です、とにかく。」 アリョーシャは、言いました。
"That I am sorry to lose God? 神を失って残念なことかい？
It's chemistry, brother, chemistry! それは、化学だよ、アリョーシャ、化学だよ！
There's no help for it, your reverence, you must make way for chemistry.
どうしようもありません。司祭さま、化学に道をお譲りください。
And Rakitin does dislike God. Ough! doesn't he dislike Him!
ラキーチンは、神が嫌いです。おお、彼は、神を嫌いではないですって！
That's the sore point with all of them. それが、やつらの弱点さ。
But they conceal it. They tell lies. They pretend.
しかし、やつらはそれを隠す。嘘をつく。ふりをする。
'Will you preach this in your reviews?' I asked him.
『これを説教しませんか｜あなたのレビューで｜？』 私は、彼に尋ねたよ。
'Oh, well, if I did it openly, they won't let it through, 'he said.
『もし、私がそれをおおっぴらにやったら、彼らは、それを通らせてくれませんよ。」 彼は、言いました。
He laughed. 'But what will become of men then?'
彼は、笑った、『でも、そのとき、人はどうなるのだろう？』
I asked him, 'without God and immortal life?
私は、尋ねた、『神や、永遠の命がなくても？
All things are lawful then, they can do what they like?'
そのとき、すべては合法になる、みんな、すきなことができる？』
'Didn't you know?' he said laughing,
『知らなかったのかい？』 彼は、笑ながら言った、
'a clever man can do what he likes,' he said.
『賢いやつは、好きなことができるんだぜ。』 彼は、言いました。
'A clever man knows his way about,
『賢い人は、自分の道をおおよそ知っています。
but you've put your foot in it, committing a murder, and now you are rotting in prison.'
しかし、お前は、へまをしでかしてしまい、殺人を犯し、今、監獄で腐っている。』
He says that to my face! A regular pig!
やつは、それを俺の顔に向かっていうんだ。根っからの豚め！
I used to kick such people out, but now I listen to them.
そんなやつは、蹴とばして追い出したものだが、今では、言う事を聞くだけさ。
He talks a lot of sense, too. Writes well.
やつは、まともなことも沢山話すし、上手に書いてもいる。
He began reading me an article last week. I copied out three lines of it.
やつは、読み始めたんだ｜ある記事を先週｜。私は、その３行を書き写したんだ。
Wait a minute. Here it is." ちょっと待て。これだ。」
Mitya hurriedly pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and read:
ミーチャは、急いで、取り出して｜１枚の紙をポケットから｜、読みました。
"'In order to determine this question, 「『この問題を究明するためには、
it is above all essential to put one's personality in contradiction to one's reality.'
何をおいても、人の個性を人の現実を対置することが絶対不可欠である』
Do you understand that?" わかるかい？」
"No, I don't," said Alyosha. He looked at Mitya and listened to him with curiosity.
「わかりません。」 アリョーシャは、言いました。彼は、ミーチャを見つめ、興味深そうに耳を傾けました。
"I don't understand either. It's dark and obscure, but intellectual.
「俺もわからない。わかりにくく曖昧だ。でも、知的だ。
'Everyone writes like that now,' he says, 'it's the effect of their environment.'
彼が言うには、『みんな、そんな風に書くんだ、今は。それは、環境の影響だね。』
They are afraid of the environment. He writes poetry, too, the rascal.
みんな、環境が怖いんだ。やつは、詩も書くんだ、あやつめ。
He's written in honour of Madame Hohlakov's foot. Ha ha ha!"
やつは、ホフラコーワ夫人の足に敬意を表して、書いたんだ、ハハハ！」
"I've heard about it," said Alyosha. 「聞いたことがあります。」 アリョーシャが言いました。
"Have you? And have you heard the poem?" 「聞いたって？ あの詩を聞いたのかい？」
"No." 「いいえ」
"I've got it. Here it is. I'll read it to you. 「持ってるよ。ここにある。読んであげよう。
You don't know - I haven't told you - there's quite a story about it. He's a rascal!
お前は、知らない、言ってなかった、沢山お話がある｜それについては｜、やつは、悪党だ。
Three weeks ago he began to tease me. ３週間前、やつは、おれを、いじり始めた。
'You've got yourself into a mess, like a fool, for the sake of three thousand,
『あなたは、困難に巻き込まれた、馬鹿のように、3000ルーブルのお陰で。
but I'm going to collar a hundred and fifty thousand.
しかし、私は、失敬するつもりだ｜15万ルーブルを｜。
I am going to marry a widow and buy a house in Petersburg.'
私は、未亡人と結婚し、ペテルブルグに家を買う予定だ。』
And he told me he was courting Madame Hohlakov.
やつは、言うんだ、やつは、ホフラコーワ夫人に言い寄っているんだと。
She hadn't much brains in her youth, and now at forty she has lost what she had.
彼女は、たいして頭脳を持ってなかった｜若い頃｜、今40歳になって、持っていたものも失ってしまった。
'But she's awfully sentimental,' he says; 'that's how I shall get hold of her.
やつは、言う、『彼女は、恐ろしく感情的で、それが理由で、彼女を手にいれるだろう。
When I marry her, I shall take her to Petersburg and there I shall start a newspaper.'
結婚したら、ペテルブルグに連れて行って、そこで、新聞を始めます。』
And his mouth was simply watering, the beast, not for the widow, but for the hundred and fifty thousand.
彼の口は、よだれが溜まってる、獣だ、未亡人のためじゃなく、15万ルーブルのためになんだ。
And he made me believe it. やつは、俺にそう信じさせやがった。
He came to see me every day. やつは、毎日会いに来やがった。
'She is coming round,' he declared. 『彼女は、変わりつつある。』 やつは、断言する。
He was beaming with delight. やつは、喜びで、輝いていた。
And then, all of a sudden, he was turned out of the house.
そして、突然、やつは、家から追い出された。
Perhotin's carrying everything before him, bravo!
ペルホーチンが、持っていくのさ｜全てを彼の前から｜、万歳！
I could kiss the silly old noodle for turning him out of the house.
私は、キスしてやってもいい｜あのバカ女に｜彼を家から追い出したことで｜。
And he had written this doggerel. そして、やつは、この下手な詩を書いたんだ。
'It's the first time I've soiled my hands with writing poetry,' he said.
『はじめてだ｜俺が手をよごすのは｜詩を書いて｜、』 やつは、言う、
'It's to win her heart, so it's in a good cause.
『それは、彼女の心を勝ち取るためで、それは、良い事だ。
When I get hold of the silly woman's fortune, I can be of great social utility.'
あのバカ女の財産を手中にしたとき、僕は、大きく社会的に役に立つんだ。』
They have this social justification for every nasty thing they do!
やつらは、社会的な正当化をするんだ｜すべての汚いことに｜やつらのする｜！
'Anyway it's better than your Pushkin's poetry,' he said,
『とにかく、それは、お前のプーシキンの詩よりもいいんだ』 彼は、言う、
'for I've managed to advocate enlightenment even in that.'
「なぜなら、私は、なんとか、啓発を昌道したからな｜あの中で｜。』
I understand what he means about Pushkin, I quite see that,
俺は、わかるよ、やつがプーシキンについて言ってることは、それは、よくわかるよ、
if he really was a man of talent and only wrote about women's feet.
もし、やつが才能のある男で、女の足についてしか書かないとしたらね。
But wasn't Rakitin stuck up about his doggerel!
しかし、ラキーチンは、あの下手な詩に、のぼせ上がっていなかったかい？
The vanity of these fellows! こやつらのうぬぼれめ！
'On the convalescence of the swollen foot of the object of my affections' - he thought of that for a title.
『回復期について｜腫れた足の｜我が愛の対象としての｜』 やつは、これを思ったのさ｜タイトルとして｜。
He's a waggish fellow. ひょうきんなやつだ。
'A captivating little foot, 魅惑的な小さなあんよ
Though swollen and red and tender! 腫れてて、真っ赤で、やらかいけれど！
The doctors come and plasters put, お医者さん来て、膏薬はるけど
But still they cannot mend her. 彼女の足は、なおりません
Yet, 'tis not for her foot I dread- でも、足じゃないよ、私の悩みは
A theme for Pushkin's muse more fit - あんよは、プーシキンの詩心のテーマ
It's not her foot, it is her head: 私の悩みは、彼女のあたま
I tremble for her loss of wit! 正気がなくなり、ああ怖い
For as her foot swells, strange to say, ふしぎだ、あんよは膨らんでも
Her intellect is on the wane- 彼女のあたまは、しぼんじゃう
Oh, for some remedy I pray なにか治療はないのかな
That may restore both foot and brain!' あんよと頭を両方なおす
He is a pig, a regular pig, but he's very arch, the rascal!
やつは、豚だ、根っからの豚だ、やつは、ずる賢い、悪党だ！
And he really has put in a progressive idea.
やつは、進歩的な考えも、ちゃんと埋め込んだ。
And wasn't he angry when she kicked him out!
やつは、怒らなかったかい｜彼女に追い出されたとき｜！
He was gnashing his teeth!" やつは、歯ぎしりしていたよ！」
"He's taken his revenge already," said Alyosha.
「彼は、復讐を果たしましたよ、すでに。」 アリョーシャは、言いました。
"He's written a paragraph about Madame Hohlakov."
「彼は、書いたんです｜ホフラコーワ夫人についての記事を｜。」
And Alyosha told him briefly about the paragraph in Gossip.
アリョーシャは、語りました｜彼に手短に「ゴシップ」の記事について｜。
"That's his doing, that's his doing!" Mitya assented, frowning.
「これが、やつの仕業だ、やつの仕業だ！」 ミーチャは、同意しました、眉をひそめながら。
"That's him! These paragraphs... I know...
「それは、やつだ！ この記事は... わかる...
the insulting things that have been written about Grushenka, for instance....
侮辱した記事だ、グルーシェニカについて書かれてる、例えば...
And about Katya, too.... H'm!" そして、カーチャについても、フン！」
He walked across the room with a harassed air.
彼は、歩きました｜部屋の中を横切って、疲れ切った様子で｜。
"Brother, I cannot stay long," Alyosha said, after a pause.
「兄さん、私は、長居できません。」 アリョーシャは、言いました、一息置いてから。
"Tomorrow will be a great and awful day for you,
「明日は、大変で恐ろしい日です｜兄さんにとって｜。
the judgment of God will be accomplished...
神の審判が、完遂するんです...
I am amazed at you, you walk about here, talking of I don't know what..."
私は、あなたに驚いています。ここを歩き回って、何かわからない話をしてるんですから。」
"No, don't be amazed at me," Mitya broke in warmly.
「いや、おどろきなさんな。」 ミーチャが、暖かく遮りました。
"Am I to talk of that stinking dog? Of the murderer?
「あの臭い犬の話をしなきゃいけないのかい？ 殺人について？
We've talked enough of him. あいつについては、十分話した。
I don't want to say more of the stinking son of Stinking Lizaveta!
言いたくない｜これ以上｜臭いリザベータの臭い息子について｜！
God will kill him, you will see. Hush!" 神がやつを殺してくれるよ！」
He went up to Alyosha excitedly and kissed him. His eyes glowed.
彼は、興奮してアリョーシャに近づき、キスしました。彼の目は、光りました。
"Rakitin wouldn't understand it," he began in a sort of exaltation;
「ラキーチンには、わからないでしょうね。」 彼は、一種有頂天になって話し始めました。
"but you, you'll understand it all. That's why I was thirsting for you.
「しかし、お前は、お前は全部分かるだろう。それが、私がお前を切望していた理由さ。
You see, there's so much I've been wanting to tell you for ever so long, here, within these peeling walls,
あのね、たくさんあるんだ｜お前に言いたかったことが｜ずっと長い間｜、このはがれつつある壁の中でな。
but I haven't said a word about what matters most;
しかし、私は、言ってなかった｜最も重要なことについて｜；
the moment never seems to have come.
その時が、来たとは思えなかったから。
Now I can wait no longer. I must pour out my heart to you.
今、私は、もう待てない、私は、心の内をお前に吐露しなければならない。
Brother, these last two months I've found in myself a new man.
弟よ、この２ヶ月間、私は、自分の中に新しい人間を見つけたんだ。
A new man has risen up in me. 新しい人間が、俺の中で立ち上がったんだ。
He was hidden in me, but would never have come to the surface,
彼は、私の中に隠れていたんだ、しかし、表面には絶対現れなかったんだ、
if it hadn't been for this blow from heaven.
もし、天からのこの一撃がなかったら。
I am afraid! 恐ろしいことだ！
And what do I care if I spend twenty years in the mines, breaking ore with a hammer?
私にはどうでもいいことです｜20年間鉱山で過ごそうとも｜ハンマーで鉱石を砕きながら｜。
I am not a bit afraid of that - 私は、それは、少しも怖くない
it's something else I am afraid of now: that that new man may leave me.
何か別のことです｜私が今恐れているのは｜、その新しい人間が私から去っていくかもしれないことです。
Even there, in the mines, underground, I may find a human heart in another convict and murderer by my side,
鉱山の中の、そこ、地下ですら、私は、見つけることができるでしょう｜人の心を｜私の隣にいる別の受刑者や人殺しの中に｜。
and I may make friends with him, for even there one may live and love and suffer.
そして、そいつと仲良くなれるでしょう、何故なら、そこでさえも、人は、生き、愛し、苦しむことができるでしょうから。
One may thaw and revive a frozen heart in that convict,
人は、溶かし再生できるでしょう｜凍った心を｜その受刑者の中の｜。
one may wait upon him for years, 人は、そいつに、長い年月、つくすことができるでしょう、
and at last bring up from the dark depths a lofty soul, a feeling, suffering creature;
そして、最後に、育て上げることができるでしょう｜暗黒の深淵から｜高貴な魂、感じる苦しむ創造物を｜；
one may bring forth an angel, create a hero!
人は、天使を産み出し、英雄を創り出すことができるでしょう！
There are so many of them, hundreds of them, and we are all to blame for them.
彼らは、大勢いる、何百人もいる、私達は、みな、彼らに対して責めをおうべきなのだ。
Why was it I dreamed of that 'babe' at such a moment?
どうして、私は、あんな「赤子」の夢を見たんだ｜あんな時に｜？
'Why is the babe so poor?' 『どうして赤子は、そんなにみじめなんだ？』
That was a sign to me at that moment. それは、私へのサインだったんだ｜あの瞬間｜。
It's for the babe I'm going. 赤子のために、私は行くんだ。
Because we are all responsible for all. 何故なら、私達は、みなすべてに対して、責任があるから。
For all the 'babes,' for there are big children as well as little children.
すべての赤子に対してな。何故なら、大きい子もいるからな｜小さい子と同じく｜。
All are 'babes.' みんな、『赤子』なんだ。
I go for all, because someone must go for all.
私は、みんなのために行く、何故なら誰かが皆の為に行かなければならないから。
I didn't kill father, but I've got to go. 私は、父親を殺していない、でも、私は、行かねばならない。
I accept it. 私は、それを受け入れる。
It's all come to me here, here, within these peeling walls.
それ(この考え)は、みな、ここで私に来たんだ、このはがれつつある壁の中で。
There are numbers of them there, hundreds of them underground, with hammers in their hands.
彼らは、あそこに大勢いるんだ、何百人もが地下に、手にハンマーを持って。
Oh, yes, we shall be in chains and there will be no freedom,
そうさ、俺達は、鎖につながれるのさ、自由はないのさ。
but then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy, without which man cannot live nor God exist,
しかし、その時、大きな悲しみの中で、我々は、喜びに立ち上がるのさ、その喜びなしに、人は生きていけないし、神も存在できない、
for God gives joy: it's His privilege - a grand one.
何故なら、神は喜びを与え、それは、神の特権なのさ、大きな特権さ。
Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer! ああ、人は、祈りづけになるべきなんだ！
What should I be underground there without God?
私は、何になるべきなんだ｜その地下で神がいなかったら｜？
Rakitin's laughing! ラキーチンは、笑っている！
If they drive God from the earth, we shall shelter Him underground.
もし人が神を地上から追い払ったりしたら、俺達は、神を地下にかくまうさ。
One cannot exist in prison without God; it's even more impossible than out of prison.
人は、存在できない｜監獄で神がいなければ｜；監獄の外でよりも、もっと不可能なんだ。
And then we men underground will sing from the bowels of the earth a glorious hymn to God, with Whom is joy.
その時、我々地底の男たちは、歌うのさ｜地球の最深部から壮麗な讃美歌を神様に｜、神様とともに、喜びがあるのさ。
Hail to God and His joy! I love Him!" 神と神の喜びに万歳！ 神様を愛します！」
Mitya was almost gasping for breath as he uttered his wild speech.
ミーチャは、苦しそうに喘いでいました｜この粗野な演説を口にしながら｜。
He turned pale, his lips quivered, and tears rolled down his cheeks.
彼は、真っ蒼になり、唇はふるえ、涙が、ほほを転がり落ちました。
"Yes, life is full, there is life even underground," he began again.
「そうさ、命は満杯だ、地下にも命はあるのさ。」 彼は、再び話し始めました。
"You wouldn't believe, Alexey, how I want to live now, what a thirst for existence and consciousness has sprung up in me within these peeling walls.
「お前は、信じないだろうがな、アリョーシャ、俺は、今、どんなに生きたいと思っていることか、存在や意識への何とすごい渇望が、私の中に沸き起こっていることか｜このはがれつつある壁のなかで｜。
Rakitin doesn't understand that; ラキーチンには、分からないさ。
all he cares about is building a house and letting flats.
やつの考えてることは、家を立てて、部屋を貸し出すことだけさ。
But I've been longing for you. しかし、私は、お前を待ち焦がれていたんだ。
And what is suffering? それに、苦しみって何だ？
I am not afraid of it, even if it were beyond reckoning.
私は、苦しみは怖くない、たとえ、そいつが勘定以上であっても、
I am not afraid of it now. I was afraid of it before.
私は、今は、怖くない、以前は、怖かったんだが。
Do you know, perhaps I won't answer at the trial at all....
分かるか、多分、私は、裁判で何も答えないつもりだ。
And I seem to have such strength in me now, that I think I could stand anything, any suffering, only to be able to say and to repeat to myself every moment, 'I exist.'
そして、私は、今、私の中にとても大きな力を持っているようで、何事にも、どんな苦しみにも耐えることができるように思えるよ、ひとえに、言えるようになりいつも頭の中でくり返せるようになるためにね｜「我、あり」と」｜。
In thousands of agonies - I exist. 何千もの苦しみの中に、我あり。
I'm tormented on the rack - but I exist! 私は、拷問台で拷問をうけている、しかし、我あり。
Though I sit alone on a pillar - I exist! 私は、柱に(しばられて)一人居るけれども、我あり。
I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I know it's there.
太陽が見える、もし、見えなくても、そこにあると知っている。
And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there.
すべての生がある｜そこには、太陽があると知っていることには｜。
Alyosha, my angel, all these philosophies are the death of me.
アリョーシャ、我が天使よ、こいつら哲学者どもは、私を殺してしまうんだ。
Damn them! Brother Ivan..." 畜生め、イワンめ。」
"What of brother Ivan?" interrupted Alyosha, but Mitya did not hear.
「イワン兄さんがどうしたって？」 アリョーシャが遮りましたが、ミーチャは、聞きませんでした。
"You see, I never had any of these doubts before,
「あのな、俺は、こんな疑いは抱かなかったんだ｜以前は、｜、
but it was all hidden away in me.
しかし、それは、すべて私の中に隠されていたんだ。
It was perhaps just because ideas I did not understand were surging up in me, that I used to drink and fight and rage.
It was to stifle them in myself, to still them, to smother them.
Ivan is not Rakitin, there is an idea in him. Ivan is a sphinx and is silent; he is always silent.
It's God that's worrying me. That's the only thing that's worrying me.
What if He doesn't exist? What if Rakitin's right- that it's an idea made up by men?
Then if He doesn't exist, man is the chief of the earth, of the universe. Magnificent!
Only how is he going to be good without God? That's the question.
I always come back to that. For whom is man going to love then?
To whom will he be thankful? To whom will he sing the hymn?
Rakitin laughs. Rakitin says that one can love humanity without God.
Well, only a snivelling idiot can maintain that. I can't understand it. Life's easy for Rakitin.
'You'd better think about the extension of civic rights, or even of keeping down the price of meat.
You will show your love for humanity more simply and directly by that, than by philosophy.'
I answered him, 'Well, but you, without a God, are more likely to raise the price of meat, if it suits you, and make a rouble on every copeck.'
He lost his temper. But after all, what is goodness?
Answer me that, Alexey. Goodness is one thing with me and another with a Chinaman, so it's a relative thing.
Or isn't it? Is it not relative? A treacherous question!
You won't laugh if I tell you it's kept me awake two nights.
I only wonder now how people can live and think nothing about it. Vanity!
Ivan has no God. He has an idea. It's beyond me.
But he is silent. I believe he is a Freemason. I asked him, but he is silent.
I wanted to drink from the springs of his soul- he was silent.
But once he did drop a word."
"What did he say?" Alyosha took it up quickly.
"I said to him, 'Then everything is lawful, if it is so?'
He frowned. 'Fyodor Pavlovitch, our papa,' he said, 'was a pig, but his ideas were right enough.'
That was what he dropped.
That was all he said. That was going one better than Rakitin."
"Yes," Alyosha assented bitterly. "When was he with you?"
"Of that later; now I must speak of something else.
I have said nothing about Ivan to you before.
I put it off to the last.
When my business here is over and the verdict has been given, then I'll tell you something.
I'll tell you everything.
We've something tremendous on hand....
And you shall be my judge in it. But don't begin about that now; be silent.
You talk of to-morrow, of the trial; but, would you believe it, I know nothing about it."
"Have you talked to the counsel?"
"What's the use of the counsel? I told him all about it.
He's a soft, city-bred rogue- a Bernard! But he doesn't believe me- not a bit of it.
Only imagine, he believes I did it. I see it.
'In that case,' I asked him, 'why have you come to defend me?' Hang them all!
They've got a doctor down, too, want to prove I'm mad. I won't have that!
Katerina Ivanovna wants to do her 'duty' to the end, whatever the strain!"
Mitya smiled bitterly. "The cat! Hard-hearted creature!
She knows that I said of her at Mokroe that she was a woman of 'great wrath.' They repeated it.
Yes, the facts against me have grown numerous as the sands of the sea.
Grigory sticks to his point.
Grigory's honest, but a fool.
Many people are honest because they are fools: that's Rakitin's idea. Grigory's my enemy.
And there are some people who are better as foes than friends. I mean Katerina Ivanovna.
I am afraid, oh, I am afraid she will tell how she bowed to the ground after that four thousand.
She'll pay it back to the last farthing. I don't want her sacrifice; they'll put me to shame at the trial.
I wonder how I can stand it. Go to her, Alyosha, ask her not to speak of that in the court, can't you?
But damn it all, it doesn't matter! I shall get through somehow. I don't pity her. It's her own doing.
She deserves what she gets. I shall have my own story to tell, Alexey." He smiled bitterly again.
"Only... only Grusha, Grusha! Good Lord! Why should she have such suffering to bear?" he exclaimed suddenly, with tears.
"Grusha's killing me; the thought of her's killing me, killing me. She was with me just now..."
"She told me she was very much grieved by you to-day."
"I know. Confound my temper! It was jealousy. I was sorry, I kissed her as she was going. I didn't ask her forgiveness."
"Why didn't you?" exclaimed Alyosha.
Suddenly Mitya laughed almost mirthfully.
"God preserve you, my dear boy, from ever asking forgiveness for a fault from a woman you love. From one you love especially, however greatly you may have been in fault.
For a woman- devil only knows what to make of a woman! I know something about them, anyway.
But try acknowledging you are in fault to a woman.
Say, 'I am sorry, forgive me,' and a shower of reproaches will follow!
Nothing will make her forgive you simply and directly, she'll humble you to the dust, bring forward things that have never happened, recall everything, forget nothing, add something of her own, and only then forgive you.
And even the best, the best of them do it.
She'll scrape up all the scrapings and load them on your head.
They are ready to flay you alive, I tell you, every one of them, all these angels without whom we cannot live!
I tell you plainly and openly, dear boy, every decent man ought to be under some woman's thumb.
That's my conviction- not conviction, but feeling.
A man ought to be magnanimous, and it's no disgrace to a man!
No disgrace to a hero, not even a Caesar! But don't ever beg her pardon all the same for anything.
Remember that rule given you by your brother Mitya, who's come to ruin through women.
No, I'd better make it up to Grusha somehow, without begging pardon.
I worship her, Alexey, worship her. Only she doesn't see it.
No, she still thinks I don't love her enough. And she tortures me, tortures me with her love.
The past was nothing! In the past it was only those infernal curves of hers that tortured me,
but now I've taken all her soul into my soul and through her I've become a man myself.
Will they marry us? If they don't, I shall die of jealousy. I imagine something every day....
What did she say to you about me?"
Alyosha repeated all Grushenka had said to him that day.
Mitya listened, made him repeat things, and seemed pleased.
"Then she is not angry at my being jealous?" he exclaimed.
"She is a regular woman! 'I've a fierce heart myself!'
Ah, I love such fierce hearts, though I can't bear anyone's being jealous of me.
I can't endure it. We shall fight. But I shall love her, I shall love her infinitely.
Will they marry us? Do they let convicts marry? That's the question.
And without her I can't exist..."
Mitya walked frowning across the room. It was almost dark. He suddenly seemed terribly worried.
"So there's a secret, she says, a secret?
We have got up a plot against her, and Katya is mixed up in it, she thinks.
No, my good Grushenka, that's not it.
You are very wide of the mark, in your foolish feminine way.
Alyosha, darling, well, here goes! I'll tell you our secret!"
He looked round, went close up quickly to Alyosha, who was standing before him, and whispered to him with an air of mystery, though in reality no one could hear them:
the old warder was dozing in the corner, and not a word could reach the ears of the soldiers on guard.
"I will tell you all our secret," Mitya whispered hurriedly.
"I meant to tell you later, for how could I decide on anything without you?
You are everything to me. Though I say that Ivan is superior to us, you are my angel.
It's your decision will decide it. Perhaps it's you that is superior and not Ivan.
You see, it's a question of conscience, question of the higher conscience- the secret is so important that I can't settle it myself, and I've put it off till I could speak to you.
But anyway it's too early to decide now, for we must wait for the verdict.
As soon as the verdict is given, you shall decide my fate. Don't decide it now.
I'll tell you now. You listen, but don't decide. Stand and keep quiet. I won't tell you everything.
I'll only tell you the idea, without details, and you keep quiet.
Not a question, not a movement.
You agree? But, goodness, what shall I do with your eyes?
I'm afraid your eyes will tell me your decision, even if you don't speak. Oo! I'm afraid! Alyosha, listen!
Ivan suggests my escaping. I won't tell you the details:
it's all been thought out: it can all be arranged. Hush, don't decide.
I should go to America with Grusha.
You know I can't live without Grusha!
What if they won't let her follow me to Siberia?
Do they let convicts get married? Ivan thinks not.
And without Grusha what should I do there underground with a hammer?
I should only smash my skull with the hammer! But, on the other hand, my conscience?
I should have run away from suffering.
A sign has come, I reject the sign.
I have a way of salvation and I turn my back on it. Ivan says that in America, 'with the goodwill,' I can be of more use than underground.
But what becomes of our hymn from underground?
What's America? America is vanity again! And there's a lot of swindling in America, too, I expect.
I should have run away from crucifixion!
I tell you, you know, Alexey, because you are the only person who can understand this.
There's no one else. It's folly, madness to others, all I've told you of the hymn.
They'll say I'm out of my mind or a fool.
I am not out of my mind and I am not a fool. Ivan understands about the hymn, too.
He understands, only he doesn't answer- he doesn't speak. He doesn't believe in the hymn.
Don't speak, don't speak. I see how you look!
You have already decided. Don't decide, spare me! I can't live without Grusha. Wait till after the trial!"
Mitya ended beside himself. He held Alyosha with both hands on his shoulders, and his yearning, feverish eyes were fixed on his brother's.
"They don't let convicts marry, do they?" he repeated for the third time in a supplicating voice.
Alyosha listened with extreme surprise and was deeply moved.
"Tell me one thing," he said. "Is Ivan very keen on it, and whose idea was it?"
"His, his, and he is very keen on it.
He didn't come to see me at first, then he suddenly came a week ago and he began about it straight away.
He is awfully keen on it. He doesn't ask me, but orders me to escape.
He doesn't doubt of my obeying him, though I showed him all my heart as I have to you, and told him about the hymn, too.
He told me he'd arrange it; he's found out about everything.
But of that later. He's simply set on it. It's all a matter of money: he'll pay ten thousand for escape and give me twenty thousand for America.
And he says we can arrange a magnificent escape for ten thousand."
"And he told you on no account to tell me?" Alyosha asked again.
"To tell no one, and especially not you; on no account to tell you.
He is afraid, no doubt, that you'll stand before me as my conscience.
Don't tell him I told you. Don't tell him, for anything."
"You are right," Alyosha pronounced; "it's impossible to decide anything before the trial is over. After the trial you'll decide of yourself.
Then you'll find that new man in yourself and he will decide."
"A new man, or a Bernard who'll decide a la Bernard, for I believe I'm a contemptible Bernard myself," said Mitya, with a bitter grin.
"But, brother, have you no hope then of being acquitted?"
Mitya shrugged his shoulders nervously and shook his head.
"Alyosha, darling, it's time you were going," he said, with a sudden haste. "There's the superintendent shouting in the yard.
He'll be here directly. We are late; it's irregular. Embrace me quickly. Kiss me! Sign me with the cross, darling, for the cross I have to bear to-morrow."
They embraced and kissed.
"Ivan," said Mitya suddenly, "suggests my escaping; but, of course, he believes I did it."
A mournful smile came on to his lips.
"Have you asked him whether he believes it?" asked Alyosha.
"No, I haven't. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I hadn't the courage.
But I saw it from his eyes. Well, good-bye!"
Once more they kissed hurriedly, and Alyosha was just going out, when Mitya suddenly called him back.
"Stand facing me! That's right!" And again he seized Alyosha, putting both hands on his shoulders.
His face became suddenly quite pale, so that it was dreadfully apparent, even through the gathering darkness.
His lips twitched, his eyes fastened upon Alyosha.
"Alyosha, tell me the whole truth, as you would before God. Do you believe I did it?
Do you, do you in yourself, believe it? The whole truth, don't lie!" he cried desperately.
Everything seemed heaving before Alyosha, and he felt something like a stab at his heart.
"Hush! What do you mean?" he faltered helplessly.
"The whole truth, the whole, don't lie!" repeated Mitya.
"I've never for one instant believed that you were the murderer!" broke in a shaking voice from Alyosha's breast,
and he raised his right hand in the air, as though calling God to witness his words.
Mitya's whole face was lighted up with bliss.
"Thank you!" he articulated slowly, as though letting a sigh escape him after fainting.
"Now you have given me new life.
Would you believe it, till this moment I've been afraid to ask you, you, even you.
Well, go! You've given me strength for to-morrow.
God bless you! Come, go along! Love Ivan!" was Mitya's last word.
Alyosha went out in tears.
Such distrustfulness in Mitya, such lack of confidence even to him, to Alyosha- all this suddenly opened before Alyosha an unsuspected depth of hopeless grief and despair in the soul of his unhappy brother.
Intense, infinite compassion overwhelmed him instantly. There was a poignant ache in his torn heart.
"Love Ivan"- he suddenly recalled Mitya's words. And he was going to Ivan.
He badly wanted to see Ivan all day.
He was as much worried about Ivan as about Mitya, and more than ever now.
●On the way to Ivan he had to pass the house where Katerina Ivanovna was living. There was light in the windows. He suddenly stopped and resolved to go in. He had not seen Katerina Ivanovna for more than a week. But now it struck him that Ivan might be with her, especially on the eve of the terrible day. Ringing, and mounting the staircase, which was dimly lighted by a Chinese lantern, he saw a man coming down, and as they met, he recognised him as his brother. So he was just coming from Katerina Ivanovna.
"Ah, it's only you," said Ivan dryly. "Well, good-bye! You are going to her?"
"Yes."
"I don't advise you to; she's upset and you'll upset her more."
A door was instantly flung open above, and a voice cried suddenly:
"No, no! Alexey Fyodorovitch, have you come from him?"
"Yes, I have been with him."
"Has he sent me any message? Come up, Alyosha, and you, Ivan Fyodorovitch, you must come back, you must. Do you hear?"
There was such a peremptory note in Katya's voice that Ivan, after a moment's hesitation, made up his mind to go back with Alyosha.
"She was listening," he murmured angrily to himself, but Alyosha heard it.
"Excuse my keeping my greatcoat on," said Ivan, going into the drawing-room. "I won't sit down. I won't stay more than a minute."
"Sit down, Alexey Fyodorovitch," said Katerina Ivanovna, though she remained standing. She had changed very little during this time, but there was an ominous gleam in her dark eyes. Alyosha remembered afterwards that she had struck him as particularly handsome at that moment.
"What did he ask you to tell me?"
"Only one thing," said Alyosha, looking her straight in the face, "that you would spare yourself and say nothing at the trial of what" (he was a little confused) "...passed between you... at the time of your first acquaintance... in that town."
"Ah! that I bowed down to the ground for that money!" She broke into a bitter laugh. "Why, is he afraid for me or for himself? He asks me to spare- whom? Him or myself? Tell me, Alexey Fyodorovitch!"
Alyosha watched her intently, trying to understand her.
"Both yourself and him," he answered softly.
"I am glad to hear it," she snapped out maliciously, and she suddenly blushed.
"You don't know me yet, Alexey Fyodorovitch," she said menacingly. "And I don't know myself yet. Perhaps you'll want to trample me under foot after my examination to-morrow."
"You will give your evidence honourably," said Alyosha; "that's all that's wanted."
"Women are often dishonourable," she snarled. "Only an hour ago I was thinking I felt afraid to touch that monster... as though he were a reptile... but no, he is still a human being to me! But did he do it? Is he the murderer?" she cried, all of a sudden, hysterically, turning quickly to Ivan. Alyosha saw at once that she had asked Ivan that question before, perhaps only a moment before he came in, and not for the first time, but for the hundredth, and that they had ended by quarrelling.
"I've been to see Smerdyakov.... It was you, you who persuaded me that he murdered his father. It's only you I believed" she continued, still addressing Ivan. He gave her a sort of strained smile. Alyosha started at her tone. He had not suspected such familiar intimacy between them.
"Well, that's enough, anyway," Ivan cut short the conversation. "I am going. I'll come to-morrow." And turning at once, he walked out of the room and went straight downstairs. With an imperious gesture, Katerina Ivanovna seized Alyosha by both hands.
"Follow him! Overtake him! Don't leave him alone for a minute!" she said, in a hurried whisper. "He's mad! Don't you know that he's mad? He is in a fever, nervous fever. The doctor told me so. Go, run after him...."
Alyosha jumped up and ran after Ivan, who was not fifty paces ahead of him.
"What do you want?" He turned quickly on Alyosha, seeing that he was running after him. "She told you to catch me up, because I'm mad. I know it all by heart," he added irritably.
"She is mistaken, of course; but she is right that you are ill," said Alyosha. "I was looking at your face just now. You look very ill, Ivan."
Ivan walked on without stopping. Alyosha followed him.
"And do you know, Alexey Fyodorovitch, how people do go out of their minds?" Ivan asked in a a voice suddenly quiet, without a trace of irritation, with a note of the simplest curiosity.
"No, I don't. I suppose there are all kinds of insanity."
"And can one observe that one's going mad oneself?"
"I imagine one can't see oneself clearly in such circumstances," Alyosha answered with surprise.
Ivan paused for half a minute.
"If you want to talk to me, please change the subject," he said suddenly.
"Oh, while I think of it, I have a letter for you," said Alyosha timidly, and he took Lise's note from his pocket and held it out to Ivan. They were just under a lamp-post. Ivan recognised the handwriting at once.
"Ah, from that little demon!" he laughed maliciously, and, without opening the envelope, he tore it into bits and threw it in the air. The bits were scattered by the wind.
"She's not sixteen yet, I believe, and already offering herself," he said contemptuously, striding along the street again.
"How do you mean, offering herself?" exclaimed Alyosha.
"As wanton women offer themselves, to be sure."
"How can you, Ivan, how can you?" Alyosha cried warmly, in a grieved voice. "She is a child; you are insulting a child! She is ill; she is very ill, too. She is on the verge of insanity, too, perhaps.... I had hoped to hear something from you... that would save her."
"You'll hear nothing from me. If she is a child, I am not her nurse. Be quiet, Alexey. Don't go on about her. I am not even thinking about it."
They were silent again for a moment.
"She will be praying all night now to the Mother of God to show her how to act to-morrow at the trial," he said sharply and angrily again.
"You... you mean Katerina Ivanovna?"
"Yes. Whether she's to save Mitya or ruin him. She'll pray for light from above. She can't make up her mind for herself, you see. She has not had time to decide yet. She takes me for her nurse, too. She wants me to sing lullabies to her."
"Katerina Ivanovna loves you, brother," said Alyosha sadly.
"Perhaps; but I am not very keen on her."
"She is suffering. Why do you... sometimes say things to her that give her hope?" Alyosha went on, with timid reproach. "I know that you've given her hope. Forgive me for speaking to you like this," he added.
"I can't behave to her as I ought- break off altogether and tell her so straight out," said Ivan, irritably. "I must wait till sentence is passed on the murderer. If I break off with her now, she will avenge herself on me by ruining that scoundrel to-morrow at the trial, for she hates him and knows she hates him. It's all a lie- lie upon lie! As long as I don't break off with her, she goes on hoping, and she won't ruin that monster, knowing how I want to get him out of trouble. If only that damned verdict would come!"
The words "murderer" and "monster" echoed painfully in Alyosha's heart.
"But how can she ruin Mitya?" he asked, pondering on Ivan's words. "What evidence can she give that would ruin Mitya?"
"You don't know that yet. She's got a document in her hands, in Mitya's own writing, that proves conclusively that he did murder Fyodor Pavlovitch."
"That's impossible!" cried Alyosha.
"Why is it impossible? I've read it myself."
"There can't be such a document!" Alyosha repeated warmly. "There can't be, because he's not the murderer. It's not he murdered father, not he!"
Ivan suddenly stopped.
"Who is the murderer then, according to you?" he asked, with apparent coldness. There was even a supercilious note in his voice.
"You know who," Alyosha pronounced in a low, penetrating voice.
"Who? You mean the myth about that crazy idiot, the epileptic, Smerdyakov?"
Alyosha suddenly felt himself trembling all over.
"You know who," broke helplessly from him. He could scarcely breathe.
"Who? Who?" Ivan cried almost fiercely. All his restraint suddenly vanished.
"I only know one thing," Alyosha went on, still almost in a whisper, "it wasn't you killed father."
"'Not you'! What do you mean by 'not you'?" Ivan was thunderstruck.
"It was not you killed father, not you! Alyosha repeated firmly.
The silence lasted for half a minute.
"I know I didn't. Are you raving?" said Ivan, with a pale, distorted smile. His eyes were riveted on Alyosha. They were standing again under a lamp-post.
"No, Ivan. You've told yourself several times that you are the murderer."
"When did I say so? I was in Moscow.... When have I said so?" Ivan faltered helplessly.
"You've said so to yourself many times, when you've been alone during these two dreadful months," Alyosha went on softly and distinctly as before. Yet he was speaking now, as it were, not of himself, not of his own will, but obeying some irresistible command. "You have accused yourself and have confessed to yourself that you are the murderer and no one else. But you didn't do it: you are mistaken: you are not the murderer. Do you hear? It was not you! God has sent me to tell you so."
They were both silent. The silence lasted a whole long minute. They were both standing still, gazing into each other's eyes. They were both pale. Suddenly Ivan began trembling all over, and clutched Alyosha's shoulder.
"You've been in my room!" he whispered hoarsely. "You've been there at night, when he came.... Confess... have you seen him, have you seen him?"
"Whom do you mean- Mitya?" Alyosha asked, bewildered.
"Not him, damn the monster!" Ivan shouted, in a frenzy, "Do you know that he visits me? How did you find out? Speak!"
"Who is he? I don't know whom you are talking about," Alyosha faltered, beginning to be alarmed.
"Yes, you do know. or how could you- ? It's impossible that you don't know."
Suddenly he seemed to check himself. He stood still and seemed to reflect. A strange grin contorted his lips.
"Brother," Alyosha began again, in a shaking voice, "I have said this to you, because you'll believe my word, I know that. I tell you once and for all, it's not you. You hear, once for all! God has put it into my heart to say this to you, even though it may make you hate me from this hour."
But by now Ivan had apparently regained his self-control.
"Alexey Fyodorovitch," he said, with a cold smile, "I can't endure prophets and epileptics- messengers from God especially- and you know that only too well. I break off all relations with you from this moment and probably for ever. I beg you to leave me at this turning. It's the way to your lodgings, too. You'd better be particularly careful not to come to me to-day! Do you hear?"
He turned and walked on with a firm step, not looking back.
"Brother," Alyosha called after him, "if anything happens to you to-day, turn to me before anyone!"
But Ivan made no reply. Alyosha stood under the lamp-post at the cross roads, till Ivan had vanished into the darkness. Then he turned and walked slowly homewards. Both Alyosha and Ivan were living in lodgings; neither of them was willing to live in Fyodor Pavlovitch's empty house. Alyosha had a furnished room in the house of some working people. Ivan lived some distance from him. He had taken a roomy and fairly comfortable lodge attached to a fine house that belonged to a well-to-do lady, the widow of an official. But his only attendant was a deaf and rheumatic old crone who went to bed at six o'clock every evening and got up at six in the morning. Ivan had become remarkably indifferent to his comforts of late, and very fond of being alone. He did everything for himself in the one room he lived in, and rarely entered any of the other rooms in his abode.
He reached the gate of the house and had his hand on the bell, when he suddenly stopped. He felt that he was trembling all over with anger. Suddenly he let go of the bell, turned back with a curse, and walked with rapid steps in the opposite direction. He walked a mile and a half to a tiny, slanting, wooden house, almost a hut, where Marya Kondratyevna, the neighbour who used to come to Fyodor Pavlovitch's kitchen for soup and to whom Smerdyakov had once sung his songs and played on the guitar, was now lodging. She had sold their little house, and was now living here with her mother. Smerdyakov, who was ill- almost dying-had been with them ever since Fyodor Pavlovitch's death. It was to him Ivan was going now, drawn by a sudden and irresistible prompting.
THIS was the third time that Ivan had been to see Smerdyakov since his return from Moscow. The first time he had seen him and talked to him was on the first day of his arrival, then he had visited him once more, a fortnight later. But his visits had ended with that second one, so that it was now over a month since he had seen him. And he had scarcely heard anything of him.
Ivan had only returned five days after his father's death, so that he was not present at the funeral, which took place the day before he came back. The cause of his delay was that Alyosha, not knowing his Moscow address, had to apply to Katerina Ivanovna to telegraph to him, and she, not knowing his address either, telegraphed to her sister and aunt, reckoning on Ivan's going to see them as soon as he arrived in Moscow. But he did not go to them till four days after his arrival. When he got the telegram, he had, of course, set off post-haste to our town. The first to meet him was Alyosha, and Ivan was greatly surprised to find that, in opposition to the general opinion of the town, he refused to entertain a suspicion against Mitya, and spoke openly of Smerdyakov as the murderer. Later on, after seeing the police captain and the prosecutor, and hearing the details of the charge and the arrest, he was still more surprised at Alyosha, and ascribed his opinion only to his exaggerated brotherly feeling and sympathy with Mitya, of whom Alyosha, as Ivan knew, was very fond.
By the way, let us say a word or two of Ivan's feeling to his brother Dmitri. He positively disliked him; at most, felt sometimes a compassion for him, and even that was mixed with great contempt, almost repugnance. Mitya's whole personality, even his appearance, was extremely unattractive to him. Ivan looked with indignation on Katerina Ivanovna's love for his brother. Yet he went to see Mitya on the first day of his arrival, and that interview, far from shaking Ivan's belief in his guilt, positively strengthened it. He found his brother agitated, nervously excited. Mitya had been talkative, but very absent-minded and incoherent. He used violent language, accused Smerdyakov, and was fearfully muddled. He talked principally about the three thousand roubles, which he said had been "stolen" from him by his father.
"The money was mine, it was my money," Mitya kept repeating. "Even if I had stolen it, I should have had the right."
He hardly contested the evidence against him, and if he tried to turn a fact to his advantage, it was in an absurd and incoherent way. He hardly seemed to wish to defend himself to Ivan or anyone else. Quite the contrary, he was angry and proudly scornful of the charges against him; he was continually firing up and abusing everyone. He only laughed contemptuously at Grigory's evidence about the open door, and declared that it was "the devil that opened it." But he could not bring forward any coherent explanation of the fact. He even succeeded in insulting Ivan during their first interview, telling him sharply that it was not for people who declared that "everything was lawful," to suspect and question him. Altogether he was anything but friendly with Ivan on that occasion. Immediately after that interview with Mitya, Ivan went for the first time to see Smerdyakov.
In the railway train on his way from Moscow, he kept thinking of Smerdyakov and of his last conversation with him on the evening before he went away. Many things seemed to him puzzling and suspicious. when he gave his evidence to the investigating lawyer Ivan said nothing, for the time, of that conversation. He put that off till he had seen Smerdyakov, who was at that time in the hospital.
Doctor Herzenstube and Varvinsky, the doctor he met in the hospital, confidently asserted in reply to Ivan's persistent questions, that Smerdyakov's epileptic attack was unmistakably genuine, and were surprised indeed at Ivan asking whether he might not have been shamming on the day of the catastrophe. They gave him to understand that the attack was an exceptional one, the fits persisting and recurring several times, so that the patient's life was positively in danger, and it was only now, after they had applied remedies, that they could assert with confidence that the patient would survive. "Though it might well be," added Doctor Herzenstube, "that his reason would be impaired for a considerable period, if not permanently." On Ivan's asking impatiently whether that meant that he was now mad, they told him that this was not yet the case, in the full sense of the word, but that certain abnormalities were perceptible. Ivan decided to find out for himself what those abnormalities were.
At the hospital he was at once allowed to see the patient. Smerdyakov was lying on a truckle-bed in a separate ward. There was only one other bed in the room, and in it lay a tradesman of the town, swollen with dropsy, who was obviously almost dying; he could be no hindrance to their conversation. Smerdyakov grinned uncertainly on seeing Ivan, and for the first instant seemed nervous. So at least Ivan fancied. But that was only momentary. For the rest of the time he was struck, on the contrary, by Smerdyakov's composure. From the first glance Ivan had no doubt that he was very ill. He was very weak; he spoke slowly, seeming to move his tongue with difficulty; he was much thinner and sallower.Throughout the interview, which lasted twenty minutes, he kept complaining of headache and of pain in all his limbs. His thin emasculate face seemed to have become so tiny; his hair was ruffled, and his crest of curls in front stood up in a thin tuft. But in the left eye, which was screwed up and seemed to be insinuating something, Smerdyakov showed himself unchanged. "It's always worth while speaking to a clever man." Ivan was reminded of that at once. He sat down on the stool at his feet. Smerdyakov, with painful effort, shifted his position in bed, but he was not the first to speak. He remained dumb, and did not even look much interested.
"Can you. talk to me?" asked Ivan. "I won't tire you much."
"Certainly I can," mumbled Smerdyakov, in a faint voice. "Has your honour been back long?" he added patronisingly, as though encouraging a nervous visitor.
"I only arrived to-day.... To see the mess you are in here."
Smerdyakov sighed.
"Why do you sigh? You knew of it all along," Ivan blurted out.
Smerdyakov was stolidly silent for a while.
"How could I help knowing? It was clear beforehand. But how could I tell it would turn out like that?"
"What would turn out? Don't prevaricate! You've foretold you'd have a fit; on the way down to the cellar, you know. You mentioned the very spot."
"Have you said so at the examination yet?" Smerdyakov queried with composure.
Ivan felt suddenly angry.
"No, I haven't yet, but I certainly shall. You must explain a great deal to me, my man; and let me tell you, I am not going to let you play with me!"
"Why should I play with you, when I put my whole trust in you, as in God Almighty?" said Smerdyakov, with the same composure, only for a moment closing his eyes.
"In the first place," began Ivan, "I know that epileptic fits can't be told beforehand. I've inquired; don't try and take me in. You can't foretell the day and the hour. How was it you told me the day and the hour beforehand, and about the cellar, too? How could you tell that you would fall down the cellar stairs in a fit, if you didn't sham a fit on purpose?"
"I had to go to the cellar anyway, several times a day, indeed," Smerdyakov drawled deliberately. "I fell from the garret just in the same way a year ago. It's quite true you can't tell the day and hour of a fit beforehand, but you can always have a presentiment of it."
"But you did foretell the day and the hour!"
"In regard to my epilepsy, sir, you had much better inquire of the doctors here. You can ask them whether it was a real fit or a sham; it's no use my saying any more about it."
"And the cellar? How could you know beforehand of the cellar?"
"You don't seem able to get over that cellar! As I was going down to the cellar, I was in terrible dread and doubt. What frightened me most was losing you and being left without defence in all the world. So I went down into the cellar thinking, 'Here, it'll come on directly, it'll strike me down directly, shall I fall?' And it was through this fear that I suddenly felt the spasm that always comes... and so I went flying. All that and all my previous conversation with you at the gate the evening before, when I told you how frightened I was and spoke of the cellar, I told all that to Doctor Herzenstube and Nikolay Parfenovitch, the investigating lawyer, and it's all been written down in the protocol. And the doctor here, Mr. Varvinsky, maintained to all of them that it was just the thought of it brought it on, the apprehension that I might fall. It was just then that the fit seized me. And so they've written it down, that it's just how it must have happened, simply from my fear."
As he finished, Smerdyakov. drew a deep breath, as though exhausted.
"Then you have said all that in your evidence?" said Ivan, somewhat taken aback. He had meant to frighten him with the threat of repeating their conversation, and it appeared that Smerdyakov had already reported it all himself.
"What have I to be afraid of? Let them write down the whole truth," Smerdyakov pronounced firmly.
"And have you told them every word of our conversation at the gate?"
"No, not to say every word."
"And did you tell them that you can sham fits, as you boasted then?"
"No, I didn't tell them that either."
"Tell me now, why did you send me then to Tchermashnya?"
"I was afraid you'd go away to Moscow; Tchermashnya is nearer, anyway."
"You are lying; you suggested my going away yourself; you told me to get out of the way of trouble."
"That was simply out of affection and my sincere devotion to you, foreseeing trouble in the house, to spare you. Only I wanted to spare myself even more. That's why I told you to get out of harm's way, that you might understand that there would be trouble in the house, and would remain at home to protect your father."
"You might have said it more directly, you blockhead!" Ivan suddenly fired up.
"How could I have said it more directly then? It was simply my fear that made me speak, and you might have been angry, too. I might well have been apprehensive that Dmitri Fyodorovitch would make a scene and carry away that money, for he considered it as good as his own; but who could tell that it would end in a murder like this? I thought that he would only carry off the three thousand that lay under the master's mattress in the envelope, and you see, he's murdered him. How could you guess it either, sir?"
"But if you say yourself that it couldn't be guessed, how could I have guessed and stayed at home? You contradict yourself!" said Ivan, pondering.
"You might have guessed from my sending you to Tchermashnya and not to Moscow."
"How could I guess it from that?"
Smerdyakov seemed much exhausted, and again he was silent for a minute.
"You might have guessed from the fact of my asking you not to go to Moscow, but to Tchermashnya, that I wanted to have you nearer, for Moscow's a long way off, and Dmitri Fyodorovitch, knowing you are not far off, would not be so bold. And if anything had happened, you might have come to protect me, too, for I warned you of Grigory Vassilyevitch's illness, and that I was afraid of having a fit. And when I explained those knocks to you, by means of which one could go in to the deceased, and that Dmitri Fyodorovitch knew them all through me, I thought that you would guess yourself that he would be sure to do something, and so wouldn't go to Tchermashnya even, but would stay."
"He talks very coherently," thought Ivan, "though he does mumble; what's the derangement of his faculties that Herzenstube talked of?"
"You are cunning with me, damn you!" he exclaimed, getting angry.
"But I thought at the time that you quite guessed," Smerdyakov parried with the simplest air.
"If I'd guessed, I should have stayed," cried Ivan.
"Why, I thought that it was because you guessed, that you went away in such a hurry, only to get out of trouble, only to run away and save yourself in your fright."
"You think that everyone is as great a coward as yourself?"
"Forgive me, I thought you were like me."
"Of course, I ought to have guessed," Ivan said in agitation; "and I did guess there was some mischief brewing on your part... only you are lying, you are lying again," he cried, suddenly recollecting. "Do you remember how you went up to the carriage and said to me, 'It's always worth while speaking to a clever man'? So you were glad I went away, since you praised me?"
Smerdyakov sighed again and again. A trace of colour came into his face.
"If I was pleased," he articulated rather breathlessly, "it was simply because you agreed not to go to Moscow, but to Tchermashnya. For it was nearer, anyway. Only when I said these words to you, it was not by way of praise, but of reproach. You didn't understand it."
"What reproach?"
"Why, that foreseeing such a calamity you deserted your own father, and would not protect us, for I might have been taken up any time for stealing that three thousand."
"Damn you!" Ivan swore again. "Stay, did you tell the prosecutor and the investigating lawyer about those knocks?"
"I told them everything just as it was."
Ivan wondered inwardly again.
"If I thought of anything then," he began again, "it was solely of some wickedness on your part. Dmitri might kill him, but that he would steal- I did not believe that then.... But I was prepared for any wickedness from you. You told me yourself you could sham a fit. What did you say that for?"
"It was just through my simplicity, and I never have shammed a fit on purpose in my life. And I only said so then to boast to you. It was just foolishness. I liked you so much then, and was open-hearted with you."
"My brother directly accuses you of the murder and theft."
"What else is left for him to do?" said Smerdyakov, with a bitter grin. "And who will believe him with all the proofs against him? Grigory Vassilyevitch saw the door open. What can he say after that? But never mind him! He is trembling to save himself."
He slowly ceased speaking; then suddenly, as though on reflection, added:
"And look here again. He wants to throw it on me and make out that it is the work of my hands- I've heard that already. But as to my being clever at shamming a fit: should I have told you beforehand that I could sham one, if I really had had such a design against your father? If I had been planning such a murder could I have been such a fool as to give such evidence against myself beforehand? And to his son, too! Upon my word! Is that likely? As if that could be; such a thing has never happened. No one hears this talk of ours now, except Providence itself, and if you were to tell of it to the prosecutor and Nikolay Parfenovitch you might defend me completely by doing so, for who would be likely to be such a criminal, if he is so open-hearted beforehand? Anyone can see that."
"Well," and Ivan got up to cut short the conversation, struck by Smerdyakov's last argument. "I don't suspect you at all, and I think it's absurd, indeed, to suspect you. On the contrary, I am grateful to you for setting my mind at rest. Now I am going, but I'll come again. Meanwhile, good-bye. Get well. Is there anything you want?"
"I am very thankful for everything. Marfa Ignatyevna does not forget me, and provides me anything I want, according to her kindness. Good people visit me every day."
"Good-bye. But I shan't say anything of your being able to sham a fit, and I don't advise you to, either," something made Ivan say suddenly.
"I quite understand. And if you don't speak of that, I shall say nothing of that conversation of ours at the gate."
Then it happened that Ivan went out, and only when he had gone a dozen steps along the corridor, he suddenly felt that there was an insulting significance in Smerdyakov's last words. He was almost on the point of turning back, but it was only a passing impulse, and muttering, "Nonsense!" he went out of the hospital.
His chief feeling was one of relief at the fact that it was not Smerdyakov, but Mitya, who had committed the murder, though he might have been expected to feel the opposite. He did not want to analyse the reason for this feeling, and even felt a positive repugnance at prying into his sensations. He felt as though he wanted to make haste to forget something. In the following days he became convinced of Mitya's guilt, as he got to know all the weight of evidence against him. There was evidence of people of no importance, Fenya and her mother, for instance, but the effect of it was almost overpowering. As to Perhotin, the people at the tavern, and at Plotnikov's shop, as well as the witnesses at Mokroe, their evidence seemed conclusive. It was the details that were so damning. The secret of the knocks impressed the lawyers almost as much as Grigory's evidence as to the open door. Grigory's wife, Marfa, in answer to Ivan's questions, declared that Smerdyakov had been lying all night the other side of the partition wall, "He was not three paces from our bed," and that although she was a sound sleeper she waked several times and heard him moaning, "He was moaning the whole time, moaning continually."
Talking to Herzenstube, and giving it as his opinion that Smerdyakov was not mad, but only rather weak, Ivan only evoked from the old man a subtle smile.
"Do you know how he spends his time now?" he asked; "learning lists of French words by heart. He has an exercise-book under his pillow with the French words written out in Russian letters for him by someone, he he he!"
Ivan ended by dismissing all doubts. He could not think of Dmitri without repulsion. Only one thing was strange, however. Alyosha persisted that Dmitri was not the murderer, and that "in all probability" Smerdyakov was. Ivan always felt that Alyosha's opinion meant a great deal to him, and so he was astonished at it now. Another thing that was strange was that Alyosha did not make any attempt to talk about Mitya with Ivan, that he never began on the subject and only answered his questions. This, too, struck Ivan particularly.
But he was very much preoccupied at that time with something quite apart from that. On his return from Moscow, he abandoned himself hopelessly to his mad and consuming passion for Katerina Ivanovna. This is not the time to begin to speak of this new passion of Ivan's, which left its mark on all the rest of his life: this would furnish the subject for another novel, which I may perhaps never write. But I cannot omit to mention here that when Ivan, on leaving Katerina Ivanovna with Alyosha, as I've related already, told him, "I am not keen on her," it was an absolute lie: he loved her madly, though at times he hated her so that he might have murdered her. Many causes helped to bring about this feeling. Shattered by what had happened with Mitya, she rushed on Ivan's return to meet him as her one salvation. She was hurt, insulted and humiliated in her feelings. And here the man had come back to her, who had loved her so ardently before (oh! she knew that very well), and whose heart and intellect she considered so superior to her own. But the sternly virtuous girl did not abandon herself altogether to the man she loved, in spite of the Karamazov violence of his passions and the great fascination he had for her. She was continually tormented at the same time by remorse for having deserted Mitya, and in moments of discord and violent anger (and they were numerous) she told Ivan so plainly. This was what he had called to Alyosha "lies upon lies." There was, of course, much that was false in it, and that angered Ivan more than anything.... But of all this later.
He did, in fact, for a time almost forget Smerdyakov's existence, and yet, a fortnight after his first visit to him, he began to be haunted by the same strange thoughts as before. It's enough to say that he was continually asking himself, why was it that on that last night in Fyodor Pavlovitch's house he had crept out on to the stairs like a thief and listened to hear what his father was doing below? Why had he recalled that afterwards with repulsion? Why next morning, had he been suddenly so depressed on the journey? Why, as he reached Moscow, had he said to himself, "I am a scoundrel"? And now he almost fancied that these tormenting thoughts would make him even forget Katerina Ivanovna, so completely did they take possession of him again. It was just after fancying this, that he met Alyosha in the street. He stopped him at once, and put a question to him:
"Do you remember when Dmitri burst in after dinner and beat father, and afterwards I told you in the yard that I reserved 'the right to desire'?... Tell me, did you think then that I desired father's death or not?"
"I did think so," answered Alyosha, softly.
"It was so, too; it was not a matter of guessing. But didn't you fancy then that what I wished was just that one reptile should devour another'; that is, just that Dmitri should kill father, and as soon as possible... and that I myself was even prepared to help to bring that about?"
Alyosha turned rather pale, and looked silently into his brother's face.
"Speak!" cried Ivan, "I want above everything to know what you thought then. I want the truth, the truth!"
He drew a deep breath, looking angrily at Alyosha before his answer came.
"Forgive me, I did think that, too, at the time," whispered Alyosha, and he did not add one softening phrase.
"Thanks," snapped Ivan, and, leaving Alyosha, he went quickly on his way. From that time Alyosha noticed that Ivan began obviously to avoid him and seemed even to have taken a dislike to him, so much so that Alyosha gave up going to see him. Immediately after that meeting with him, Ivan had not gone home, but went straight to Smerdyakov again.
BY that time Smerdyakov had been discharged from the hospital. Ivan knew his new lodging, the dilapidated little wooden house, divided in two by a passage, on one side of which lived Marya Kondratyevna and her mother, and on the other, Smerdyakov. No one knew on what terms he lived with them, whether as a friend or as a lodger. It was supposed afterwards that he had come to stay with them as Marya Kondratyevna's betrothed, and was living there for a time without paying for board or lodging. Both mother and daughter had the greatest respect for him and looked upon him as greatly superior to themselves.
Ivan knocked, and, on the door being opened, went straight into the passage. By Marya Kondratyevna's directions he went straight to the better room on the left, occupied by Smerdyakov. There was a tiled stove in the room and it was extremely hot. The walls were gay with blue paper, which was a good deal used however, and in the cracks under it cockroaches swarmed in amazing numbers, so that there was a continual rustling from them. The furniture was very scanty: two benches against each wall and two chairs by the table. The table of plain wood was covered with a cloth with pink patterns on it. There was a pot of geranium on each of the two little windows. In the corner there was a case of ikons. On the table stood a little copper samovar with many dents in it, and a tray with two cups. But Smerdyakov had finished tea and the samovar was out. He was sitting at the table on a bench. He was looking at an exercise-book and slowly writing with a pen. There was a bottle of ink by him and a flat iron candlestick, but with a composite candle. Ivan saw at once from Smerdyakov's face that he had completely recovered from his illness. His face was fresher, fuller, his hair stood up jauntily in front, and was plastered down at the sides. He was sitting in a parti-coloured, wadded dressing-gown, rather dirty and frayed, however. He had spectacles on his nose, which Ivan had never seen him wearing before. This trifling circumstance suddenly redoubled Ivan's anger: "A creature like that and wearing spectacles!"
Smerdyakov slowly raised his head and looked intently at his visitor through his spectacles; then he slowly took them off and rose from the bench, but by no means respectfully, almost lazily, doing the least possible required by common civility. All this struck Ivan instantly; he took it all in and noted it at once- most of all the look in Smerdyakov's eyes, positively malicious, churlish and haughty. "What do you want to intrude for?" it seemed to say; "we settled everything then; why have you come again?" Ivan could scarcely control himself.
"It's hot here," he said, still standing, and unbuttoned his overcoat.
"Take off your coat," Smerdyakov conceded.
Ivan took off his coat and threw it on a bench with trembling hands. He took a chair, moved it quickly to the table and sat down. Smerdyakov managed to sit down on his bench before him.
"To begin with, are we alone?" Ivan asked sternly and impulsively. "Can they overhear us in there?"
"No one can hear anything. You've seen for yourself: there's a passage."
"Listen, my good fellow; what was that you babbled, as I was leaving the hospital, that if I said nothing about your faculty of shamming fits, you wouldn't tell the investigating lawyer all our conversation at the gate? What do you mean by all? What could you mean by it? Were you threatening me? Have I entered into some sort of compact with you? Do you suppose I am afraid of you?"
Ivan said this in a perfect fury, giving him to understand with obvious intention that he scorned any subterfuge or indirectness and meant to show his cards. Smerdyakov's eyes gleamed resentfully, his left eye winked, and he at once gave his answer, with his habitual composure and deliberation. "You want to have everything above-board; very well, you shall have it," he seemed to say.
"This is what I meant then, and this is why I said that, that you, knowing beforehand of this murder of your own parent, left him to his fate, and that people mightn't after that conclude any evil about your feelings and perhaps of something else, too- that's what I promised not to tell the authorities."
Though Smerdyakov spoke without haste and obviously controlling himself, yet there was something in his voice, determined and emphatic, resentful and insolently defiant. He stared impudently at Ivan. A mist passed before Ivan's eyes for the first moment.
"How? What? Are you out of your mind?"
"I'm perfectly in possession of all my faculties."
"Do you suppose I knew of the murder?" Ivan cried at last, and he brought his fist violently on the table. "What do you mean by 'something else, too'? Speak, scoundrel!"
Smerdyakov was silent and still scanned Ivan with the same insolent stare.
"Speak, you stinking rogue, what is that 'something else, too'?"
"The 'something else' I meant was that you probably, too, were very desirous of your parent's death."
Ivan jumped up and struck him with all his might on the shoulder, so that he fell back against the wall. In an instant his face was bathed in tears. Saying, "It's a shame, sir, to strike a sick man," he dried his eyes with a very dirty blue check handkerchief and sank into quiet weeping. A minute passed.
"That's enough! Leave off," Ivan said peremptorily, sitting down again. "Don't put me out of all patience."
Smerdyakov took the rag from his eyes. Every line of his puckered face reflected the insult he had just received.
"So you thought then, you scoundrel, that together with Dmitri I meant to kill my father?"
"I didn't know what thoughts were in your mind then," said Smerdyakov resentfully; "and so I stopped you then at the gate to sound you on that very point."
"To sound what, what?"
"Why, that very circumstance, whether you wanted your father to be murdered or not."
What infuriated Ivan more than anything was the aggressive, insolent tone to which Smerdyakov persistently adhered.
"It was you murdered him?" he cried suddenly.
Smerdyakov smiled contemptuously.
"You know of yourself, for a fact, that it wasn't I murdered him. And I should have thought that there was no need for a sensible man to speak of it again."
"But why, why had you such a suspicion about me at the time?"
"As you know already, it was simply from fear. For I was in such a position, shaking with fear, that I suspected everyone. I resolved to sound you, too, for I thought if you wanted the same as your brother, then the business was as good as settled and I should be crushed like a fly, too."
"Look here, you didn't say that a fortnight ago."
"I meant the same when I talked to you in the hospital, only I thought you'd understand without wasting words, and that being such a sensible man you wouldn't care to talk of it openly."
"What next! Come answer, answer, I insist: what was it... what could I have done to put such a degrading suspicion into your mean soul?"
"As for the murder, you couldn't have done that and didn't want to, but as for wanting someone else to do it, that was just what you did want."
"And how coolly, how coolly he speakst But why should I have wanted it; what grounds had I for wanting it?"
"What grounds had you? What about the inheritance?" said Smerdyakov sarcastically, and, as it were, vindictively. "Why, after your parent's death there was at least forty thousand to come to each of you, and very likely more, but if Fyodor Pavlovitch got married then to that lady, Agrafena Alexandrovna, she would have had all his capital made over to her directly after the wedding, for she's plenty of sense, so that your parent would not have left you two roubles between the three of you. And were they far from a wedding, either? Not a hair's-breadth: that lady had only to lift her little finger and he would have run after her to church, with his tongue out."
Ivan restrained himself with painful effort.
"Very good," he commented at last. "You see, I haven't jumped up, I haven't knocked you down, I haven't killed you. Speak on. So, according to you, I had fixed on Dmitri to do it; I was reckoning on him?"
"How could you help reckoning on him? If he killed him, then he would lose all the rights of a nobleman, his rank and property, and would go off to exile; so his share of the inheritance would come to you and your brother Alexey Fyodorovitch in equal parts; so you'd each have not forty, but sixty thousand each. There's not a doubt you did reckon on Dmitri Fyodorovitch."
"What I put up with from you! Listen, scoundrel, if I had reckoned on anyone then, it would have been on you, not on Dmitri, and I swear I did expect some wickedness from you... at the time.... I remember my impression!
"I thought, too, for a minute, at the time, that you were reckoning on me as well," said Smerdyakov, with a sarcastic grin. "So that it was just by that more than anything you showed me what was in your mind. For if you had a foreboding about me and yet went away, you as good as said to me, 'You can murder my parent, I won't hinder you!"'
"You scoundrel! So that's how you understood it!"
"It was all that going to Tchermashnya. Why! You were meaning to go to Moscow and refused all your father's entreaties to go to Tchermashnya- and simply at a foolish word from me you consented at once! What reason had you to consent to Tchermashnya? Since you went to Tchermashnya with no reason, simply at my word, it shows that you must have expected something from me."
No, I swear I didn't!" shouted Ivan, grinding his teeth.
"You didn't? Then you ought, as your father's son, to have had me taken to the lock-up and thrashed at once for my words then... or at least, to have given me a punch in the face on the spot, but you were not a bit angry, if you please, and at once in a friendly way acted on my foolish word and went away, which was utterly absurd, for you ought to have stayed to save your parent's life. How could I help drawing my conclusions?"
Ivan sat scowling, both his fists convulsively pressed on his knees.
"Yes, I am sorry I didn't punch you in the face," he said with a bitter smile. "I couldn't have taken you to the lock-up just then. Who would have believed me and what charge could I bring against you? But the punch in the face... oh, I'm sorry I didn't think of it. Though blows are forbidden, I should have pounded your ugly face to a jelly."
Smerdyakov looked at him almost with relish.
"In the ordinary occasions of life," he said in the same complacent and sententious tone in which he had taunted Grigory and argued with him about religion at Fyodor Pavlovitch's table, "in the ordinary occasions of life, blows on the face are forbidden nowadays by law, and people have given them up, but in exceptional occasions of life people still fly to blows, not only among us but all over the world, be it even the fullest republic of France, just as in the time of Adam and Eve, and they never will leave off, but you, even in an exceptional case, did not dare."
"What are you learning French words for?" Ivan nodded towards the exercise-book lying on the table.
"Why shouldn't I learn them so as to improve my education, supposing that I may myself chance to go some day to those happy parts of Europe?"
"Listen, monster." Ivan's eyes flashed and he trembled all over. "I am not afraid of your accusations; you can say what you like about me, and if I don't beat you to death, it's simply because I suspect you of that crime and I'll drag you to justice. I'll unmask you."
"To my thinking, you'd better keep quiet, for what can you accuse me of, considering my absolute innocence? And who would believe you? Only if you begin, I shall tell everything, too, for I must defend myself."
"Do you think I am afraid of you now?"
"If the court doesn't believe all I've said to you just now, the public will, and you will be ashamed."
"That's as much as to say, 'It's always worth while speaking to a sensible man,' eh?" snarled Ivan.
"You hit the mark, indeed. And you'd better be sensible."
Ivan got up, shaking all over with indignation, put on his coat, and without replying further to Smerdyakov, without even looking at him, walked quickly out of the cottage. The cool evening air refreshed him. There was a bright moon in the sky. A nightmare of ideas and sensations filled his soul. "Shall I go at once and give information against Smerdyakov? But what information can I give? He is not guilty, anyway. On the contrary, he'll accuse me. And in fact, why did I set off for Tchermashnya then? What for? What for?" Ivan asked himself. "Yes, of course, I was expecting something and he is right... " And he remembered for the hundredth time how, on the last night in his father's house, he had listened on the stairs. But he remembered it now with such anguish that he stood still on the spot as though he had been stabbed. "Yes, I expected it then, that's true! I wanted the murder, I did want the murder! Did I want the murder? Did I want it? I must kill Smerdyakov! If I don't dare kill Smerdyakov now, life is not worth living!"
Ivan did not go home, but went straight to Katerina Ivanovna and alarmed her by his appearance. He was like a madman. He repeated all his conversation with Smerdyakov, every syllable of it. He couldn't be calmed, however much she tried to soothe him: he kept walking about the room, speaking strangely, disconnectedly. At last he sat down, put his elbows on the table, leaned his head on his hands and pronounced this strange sentence: "If it's not Dmitri, but Smerdyakov who's the murderer, I share his guilt, for I put him up to it. Whether I did, I don't know yet. But if he is the murderer, and not Dmitri, then, of course, I am the murderer, too."
When Katerina Ivanovna heard that, she got up from her seat without a word, went to her writing-table, opened a box standing on it, took out a sheet of paper and laid it before Ivan. This was the document of which Ivan spoke to Alyosha later on as a "conclusive proof" that Dmitri had killed his father. It was the letter written by Mitya to Katerina Ivanovna when he was drunk, on the very evening he met Alyosha at the crossroads on the way to the monastery, after the scene at Katerina Ivanovna's, when Grushenka had insulted her. Then, parting from Alyosha, Mitya had rushed to Grushenka. I don't know whether he saw her, but in the evening he was at the Metropolis, where he got thoroughly drunk. Then he asked for pen and paper and wrote a document of weighty consequences to himself. It was a wordy, disconnected, frantic letter, a drunken letter, in fact. It was like the talk of a drunken man, who, on his return home, begins with extraordinary heat telling his wife or one of his household how he has just been insulted, what a rascal had just insulted him, what a fine fellow he is on the other hand, and how he will pay that scoundrel out; and all that at great length, with great excitement and incoherence, with drunken tears and blows on the table. The letter was written on a dirty piece of ordinary paper of the cheapest kind. It had been provided by the tavern and there were figures scrawled on the back of it. There was evidently not space enough for his drunken verbosity and Mitya not only filled the margins but had written the last line right across the rest. The letter ran as follows:
FATAL KATYA: To-morrow I will get the money and repay your three thousand and farewell, woman of great wrath, but farewell, too, my love! Let us make an end! To-morrow I shall try and get it from everyone, and if I can't borrow it, I give you my word of honour I shall go to my father and break his skull and take the money from under the pillow, if only Ivan has gone. It I have to go to Siberia for it, I'll give you back your three thousand. And farewell. I bow down to the ground before you, for I've been a scoundrel to you. Forgive me! No, better not forgive me, you'll be happier and so shall I! Better Siberia than your love, for I love another woman and you got to know her too well to-day, so how can you forgive? I will murder the man who's robbed me! I'll leave you all and go to the East so as to see no one again. Not her either, for you are not my only tormentress; she is too. Farewel!
P.S.- I write my curse, but I adore you! I hear it in my heart. One string is left, and it vibrates. Better tear my heart in two! I shall kill myself, but first of all that cur. I shall tear three thousand from him and fling it to you. Though I've been a scoundrel to you, I am not a thief! You can expect three thousand. The cur keeps it under his mattress, in pink ribbon. I am not a thief, but I'll murder my thief. Katya, don't look disdainful. Dmitri is not a thief! but a murderer! He has murdered his father and ruined himself to hold his ground, rather than endure your pride. And he doesn't love you.
P.P.S.- I kiss your feet, farewel!
P.P.P.S.- Katya, pray to God that someone'll give me the money. Then I shall not be steeped in gore, and if no one does- I shall! Kill me!
Your slave and enemy,
D. KARAMAZOV
When Ivan read this "document" he was convinced. So then it was his brother, not Smerdyakov. And if not Smerdyakov, then not he, Ivan. This letter at once assumed in his eyes the aspect of a logical proof. There could be no longer the slightest doubt of Mitya's guilt. The suspicion never occurred to Ivan, by the way, that Mitya might have committed the murder in conjunction with Smerdyakov, and, indeed, such a theory did not fit in with the facts. Ivan was completely reassured. The next morning he only thought of Smerdyakov and his gibes with contempt. A few days later he positively wondered how he could have been so horribly distressed at his suspicions. He resolved to dismiss him with contempt and forget him. So passed a month. He made no further inquiry about Smerdyakov, but twice he happened to hear that he was very ill and out of his mind.
"He'll end in madness," the young doctor Varvinsky observed about him, and Ivan remembered this. During the last week of that month Ivan himself began to feel very ill. He went to consult the Moscow doctor who had been sent for by Katerina Ivanovna just before the trial. And just at that time his relations with Katerina Ivanovna became acutely strained. They were like two enemies in love with one another. Katerina Ivanovna's "returns" to Mitya, that is, her brief but violent revulsions of feeling in his favour, drove Ivan to perfect frenzy. Strange to say, until that last scene described above, when Alyosha came from Mitya to Katerina Ivanovna, Ivan had never once, during that month, heard her express a doubt of Mitya's guilt, in spite of those "returns" that were so hateful to him. It is remarkable, too, that while he felt that he hated Mitya more and more every day, he realised that it was not on account of Katya's "returns" that he hated him, but just because he was the murderer of his father. He was conscious of this and fully recognised it to himself
Nevertheless, he went to see Mitya ten days before the trial and proposed to him a plan of escape- a plan he had obviously thought over a long time. He was partly impelled to do this by a sore place still left in his heart from a phrase of Smerdyakov's, that it was to his, Ivan's, advantage that his brother should be convicted, as that would increase his inheritance and Alyosha's from forty to sixty thousand roubles. He determined to sacrifice thirty thousand on arranging Mitya's escape. On his return from seeing him, he was very mournful and dispirited; he suddenly began to feel that he was anxious for Mitya's escape, not only to heal that sore place by sacrificing thirty thousand, but for another reason. "Is it because I am as much a murderer at heart?" he asked himself. Something very deep down seemed burning and rankling in his soul. His pride above all suffered cruelly all that month. But of that later....
When, after his conversation with Alyosha, Ivan suddenly decided with his hand on the bell of his lodging to go to Smerdyakov, he obeyed a sudden and peculiar impulse of indignation. He suddenly remembered how Katerina Ivanovna had only just cried out to him in Alyosha's presence: "It was you, you, persuaded me of his" (that is, Mitya's) "guilt!" Ivan was thunderstruck when he recalled it. He had never once tried to persuade her that Mitya was the murderer; on the contrary, he had suspected himself in her presence, that time when he came back from Smerdyakov. It was she, she, who had produced that "document" and proved his brother's guilt. And now she suddenly exclaimed: "I've been at Smerdyakov's myself!" When had she been there? Ivan had known nothing of it. So she was not at all so sure of Mitya's guilt! And what could Smerdyakov have told her? What, what, had he said to her? His heart burned with violent anger. He could not understand how he could, half an hour before, have let those words pass and not have cried out at the moment. He let go of the bell and rushed off to Smerdyakov. "I shall kill him, perhaps, this time," he thought on the way.
WHEN he was half-way there, the keen dry wind that had been blowing early that morning rose again, and a fine dry snow began falling thickly. It did not lie on the ground, but was whirled about by the wind, and soon there was a regular snowstorm. There were scarcely any lamp-posts in the part of the town where Smerdyakov lived. Ivan strode alone in the darkness, unconscious of the storm, instinctively picking out his way. His head ached and there was a painful throbbing in his temples. He felt that his hands were twitching convulsively. Not far from Marya Kondratyevna's cottage, Ivan suddenly came upon a solitary drunken little peasant. He was wearing a coarse and patched coat, and was walking in zigzags, grumbling and swearing to himself. Then suddenly he would begin singing in a husky drunken voice:
Ach, Vanka's gone to Petersburg;
I won't wait till he comes back.
But he broke off every time at the second line and began swearing again; then he would begin the same song again. Ivan felt an intense hatred for him before he had thought about him at all. Suddenly he realised his presence and felt an irresistible impulse to knock him down. At that moment they met, and the peasant with a violent lurch fell full tilt against Ivan, who pushed him back furiously. The peasant went flying backwards and fell like a log on the frozen ground. He uttered one plaintive "O- oh!" and then was silent. Ivan stepped up to him. He was lying on his back, without movement or consciousness. "He will be frozen," thought Ivan, and he went on his way to Smerdyakov's.
In the passage, Marya Kondratyevna, who ran out to open the door with a candle in her hand, whispered that Smerdyakov was very ill; "It's not that he's laid up, but he seems not himself, and he even told us to take the tea away; he wouldn't have any."
"Why, does he make a row?" asked Ivan coarsely.
"Oh dear no, quite the contrary, he's very quiet. Only please don't talk to him too long," Marya Kondratyevna begged him. Ivan opened the door and stepped into the room.
It was over-heated as before, but there were changes in the room. One of the benches at the side had been removed, and in its place had been put a large old mahogany leather sofa, on which a bed had been made up, with fairly clean white pillows. Smerdyakov was sitting on the sofa, wearing the same dressing-gown. The table had been brought out in front of the sofa, so that there was hardly room to move. On the table lay a thick book in yellow cover, but Smerdyakov was not reading it. He seemed to be sitting doing nothing. He met Ivan with a slow silent gaze, and was apparently not at all surprised at his coming. There was a great change in his face; he was much thinner and sallower. His eyes were sunken and there were blue marks under them.
"Why, you really are ill?" Ivan stopped short. "I won't keep you long, I wont even take off my coat. Where can one sit down?"
He went to the other end of the table, moved up a chair and sat down on it.
"Why do you look at me without speaking? We only come with one question, and I swear I won't go without an answer. Has the young lady, Katerina Ivanovna, been with you?"
Smerdyakov still remained silent, looking quietly at Ivan as before. Suddenly, with a motion of his hand, he turned his face away.
"What's the matter with you?" cried Ivan.
"Nothing."
"What do you mean by 'nothing'?"
"Yes, she has. It's no matter to you. Let me alone."
"No, I won't let you alone. Tell me, when was she here?"
"Why, I'd quite forgotten about her," said Smerdyakov, with a scornful smile, and turning his face to Ivan again, he stared at him with a look of frenzied hatred, the same look that he had fixed on him at their last interview, a month before.
"You seem very ill yourself, your face is sunken; you don't look like yourself," he said to Ivan.
"Never mind my health, tell me what I ask you.,
"But why are your eyes so yellow? The whites are quite yellow. Are you so worried?" He smiled contemptuously and suddenly laughed outright.
"Listen; I've told you I won't go away without an answer!" Ivan cried, intensely irritated.
"Why do you keep pestering me? Why do you torment me?" said Smerdyakov, with a look of suffering.
"Damn it! I've nothing to do with you. Just answer my question and I'll go away."
"I've no answer to give you," said Smerdyakov, looking down again.
"You may be sure I'll make you answer!"
"Why are you so uneasy?" Smerdyakov stared at him, not simply with contempt, but almost with repulsion. "Is this because the trial begins to-morrow? Nothing will happen to you; can't you believe that at last? Go home, go to bed and sleep in peace, don't be afraid of anything."
"I don't understand you.... What have I to be afraid of to-morrow?" Ivan articulated in astonishment, and suddenly a chill breath of fear did in fact pass over his soul. Smerdyakov measured him with his eyes.
"You don't understand?" he drawled reproachfully. "It's a strange thing a sensible man should care to play such a farce!"
Ivan looked at him speechless. The startling, incredibly supercilious tone of this man who had once been his valet, was extraordinary in itself. He had not taken such a tone even at their last interview.
"I tell you, you've nothing to be afraid of. I won't say anything about you; there's no proof against you. I say, how your hands are trembling! Why are your fingers moving like that? Go home, you did not murder him."
Ivan started. He remembered Alyosha.
"I know it was not I," he faltered.
"Do you?" Smerdyakov caught him up again.
Ivan jumped up and seized him by the shoulder.
"Tell me everything, you viper! Tell me everything!"
Smerdyakov was not in the least scared. He only riveted his eyes on Ivan with insane hatred.
"Well, it was you who murdered him, if that's it," he whispered furiously.
Ivan sank back on his chair, as though pondering something. He laughed malignantly.
"You mean my going away. What you talked about last time?"
"You stood before me last time and understood it all, and you understand it now."
"All I understand is that you are mad."
"Aren't you tired of it? Here we are face to face; what's the use of going on keeping up a farce to each other? Are you still trying to throw it all on me, to my face? You murdered him; you are the real murderer, I was only your instrument, your faithful servant, and it was following your words I did it."
"Did it? Why, did you murder him?" Ivan turned cold.
Something seemed to give way in his brain, and he shuddered all over with a cold shiver. Then Smerdyakov himself looked at him wonderingly; probably the genuineness of Ivan's horror struck him.
"You don't mean to say you really did not know?" he faltered mistrustfully, looking with a forced smile into his eyes. Ivan still gazed at him, and seemed unable to speak.
Ach, Vanka's gone to Petersburg;
I won't wait till he comes back,
suddenly echoed in his head.
"Do you know, I am afraid that you are a dream, a phantom sitting before me," he muttered.
"There's no phantom here, but only us two and one other. No doubt he is here, that third, between us."
"Who is he? Who is here? What third person?" Ivan cried in alarm, looking about him, his eyes hastily searching in every corner.
"That third is God Himself- Providence. He is the third beside us now. Only don't look for Him, you won't find him."
"It's a lie that you killed him!" Ivan cried madly. "You are mad, or teasing me again!"
Smerdyakov, as before, watched him curiously, with no sign of fear. He could still scarcely get over his incredulity; he still fancied that Ivan knew everything and was trying to "throw it all on him to his face."
"Wait a minute," he said at last in a weak voice, and suddenly bringing up his left leg from under the table, he began turning up his trouser leg. He was wearing long white stockings and slippers. Slowly he took off his garter and fumbled to the bottom of his stocking. Ivan gazed at him, and suddenly shuddered in a paroxysm of terror.
"He's mad!" he cried, and rapidly jumping up, he drew back, so that he knocked his back against the wall and stood up against it, stiff and straight. He looked with insane terror at Smerdyakov, who, entirely unaffected by his terror, continued fumbling in his stocking, as though he were making an effort to get hold of something with his fingers and pull it out. At last he got hold of it and began pulling it out. Ivan saw that it was a piece of paper, or perhaps a roll of papers. Smerdyakov pulled it out and laid it on the table.
"Here," he said quietly.
"What is it?" asked Ivan, trembling.
"Kindly look at it," Smerdyakov answered, still in the same low tone.
Ivan stepped up to the table, took up the roll of paper and began unfolding it, but suddenly drew back his fingers, as though from contact with a loathsome reptile. "Your hands keep twitching," observed Smerdyakov, and he deliberately unfolded the bundle himself. Under the wrapper were three packets of hundred-rouble notes.
"They are all here, all the three thousand roubles; you need not count them. Take them," Smerdyakov suggested to Ivan, nodding at the notes. Ivan sank back in his chair. He was as white as a handkerchief.
"You frightened me... with your stocking," he said, with a strange grin.
"Can you really not have known till now?" Smerdyakov asked once more.
"No, I did not know. I kept thinking of Dmitri. Brother, brother! Ach!" He suddenly clutched his head in both hands.
"Listen. Did you kill him alone? With my brother's help or without?"
"It was only with you, with your help, I killed him, and Dmitri Fyodorovitch is quite innocent."
"All right, all right. Talk about me later. Why do I keep on trembling? I can't speak properly."
"You were bold enough then. You said 'everything was lawful,' and how frightened you are now," Smerdyakov muttered in surprise. "Won't you have some lemonade? I'll ask for some at once. It's very refreshing. Only I must hide this first."
And again he motioned at the notes. He was just going to get up and call at the door to Marya Kondratyevna to make some lemonade and bring it them, but, looking for something to cover up the notes that she might not see them, he first took out his handkerchief, and as it turned out to be very dirty, took up the big yellow book that Ivan had noticed at first lying on the table, and put it over the notes. The book was The Sayings of the Holy Father Isaac the Syrian. Ivan read it mechanically.
"I won't have any lemonade," he said. "Talk of me later. Sit down and tell me how you did it. Tell me all about it."
"You'd better take off your greatcoat, or you'll be too hot." Ivan, as though he'd only just thought of it, took off his coat, and, without getting up from his chair, threw it on the bench.
"Speak, please, speak."
He seemed calmer. He waited, feeling sure that Smerdyakov would tell him all about it.
"How it was done?" sighed Smerdyakov. "It was done in a most natural way, following your very words."
"Of my words later," Ivan broke in again, apparently with complete self-possession, firmly uttering his words, and not shouting as before. "Only tell me in detail how you did it. Everything, as it happened. Don't forget anything. The details, above everything, the details, I beg you."
"You'd gone away, then I fell into the cellar."
"In a fit or in a sham one?"
"A sham one, naturally. I shammed it all. I went quietly down the steps to the very bottom and lay down quietly, and as I lay down I gave a scream, and struggled, till they carried me out."
"Stay! And were you shamming all along, afterwards, and in the hospital?"
"No, not at all. Next day, in the morning, before they took me to the hospital, I had a real attack and a more violent one than I've had for years. For two days I was quite unconscious."
"All right, all right. Go on."
"They laid me on the bed. I knew I'd be the other side of the partition, for whenever I was ill, Marfa Ignatyevna used to put me there, near them. She's always been very kind to me, from my birth up. At night I moaned, but quietly. I kept expecting Dmitri Fyodorovitch to come."
"Expecting him? To come to you?"
"Not to me. I expected him to come into the house, for I'd no doubt that he'd come that night, for being without me and getting no news, he'd be sure to come and climb over the fence, as he used to, and do something."
"And if he hadn't come?"
"Then nothing would have happened. I should never have brought myself to it without him."
"All right, all right. speak more intelligibly, don't hurry; above all, don't leave anything out!"
"I expected him to kill Fyodor Pavlovitch. I thought that was certain, for I had prepared him for it... during the last few days.... He knew about the knocks, that was the chief thing. With his suspiciousness and the fury which had been growing in him all those days, he was bound to get into the house by means of those taps. That was inevitable, so I was expecting him."
"Stay," Ivan interrupted; "if he had killed him, he would have taken the money and carried it away; you must have considered that. What would you have got by it afterwards? I don't see." "But he would never have found the money. That was only what I told him, that the money was under the mattress. But that wasn't true. It had been lying in a box. And afterwards I suggested to Fyodor Pavlovitch, as I was the only person he trusted, to hide the envelope with the notes in the corner behind the ikons, for no one would have guessed that place, especially if they came in a hurry. So that's where the envelope lay, in the corner behind the ikons. It would have been absurd to keep it under the mattress; the box, anyway, could be locked. But all believe it was under the mattress. A stupid thing to believe. So if Dmitri Fyodorovitch had committed the murder, finding nothing, he would either have run away in a hurry, afraid of every sound, as always happens with murderers, or he would have been arrested. So I could always have clambered up to the ikons and have taken away the money next moming or even that night, and it would have all been put down to Dmitri Fyodorovitch. I could reckon upon that."
"But what if he did not kill him, but only knocked him down?"
"If he did not kill him, of course, I would not have ventured to take the money, and nothing would have happened. But I calculated that he would beat him senseless, and I should have time to take it then, and then I'd make out to Fyodor Pavlovitch that it was no one but Dmitri Fyodorovitch who had taken the money after beating him."
"Stop... I am getting mixed. Then it was Dmitri after all who killed him; you only took the money?"
"No, he didn't kill him. Well, I might as well have told you now that he was the murderer.... But I don't want to lie to you now because... because if you really haven't understood till now, as I see for myself, and are not pretending, so as to throw your guilt on me to my very face, you are still responsible for it all, since you knew of the murder and charged me to do it, and went away knowing all about it. And so I want to prove to your face this evening that you are the only real murderer in the whole affair, and I am not the real murderer, though I did kill him. You are the rightful murderer."
"Why, why, am I a murderer? Oh, God!" Ivan cried, unable to restrain himself at last, and forgetting that he had put off discussing himself till the end of the conversation. "You still mean that Tchermashnya? Stay, tell me, why did you want my consent, if you really took Tchermashnya for consent? How will you explain that now?"
"Assured of your consent, I should have known that you wouldn't have made an outcry over those three thousand being lost, even if I'd been suspected, instead of Dmitri Fyodorovitch, or as his accomplice; on the contrary, you would have protected me from others.... And when you got your inheritance you would have rewarded me when you were able, all the rest of your life. For you'd have received your inheritance through me, seeing that if he had married Agrafena Alexandrovna, you wouldn't have had a farthing." "Ah! Then you intended to worry me all my life afterwards," snarled Ivan. "And what if I hadn't gone away then, but had informed against you?"
"What could you have informed? That I persuaded you to go to Tcherinashnya? That's all nonsense. Besides, after our conversation you would either have gone away or have stayed. If you had stayed, nothing would have happened. I should have known that you didn't want it done, and should have attempted nothing. As you went away, it meant you assured me that you wouldn't dare to inform against me at the trial, and that you'd overlook my having the three thousand. And, indeed, you couldn't have prosecuted me afterwards, because then I should have told it all in the court; that is, not that I had stolen the money or killed him- I shouldn't have said that- but that you'd put me up to the theft and the murder, though I didn't consent to it. That's why I needed your consent, so that you couldn't have cornered me afterwards, for what proof could you have had? I could always have cornered you, revealing your eagerness for your father's death, and I tell you the public would have believed it all, and you would have been ashamed for the rest of your life."
"Was I then so eager, was I?" Ivan snarled again.
"To be sure you were, and by your consent you silently sanctioned my doing it." Smerdyakov looked resolutely at Ivan. He was very weak and spoke slowly and wearily, but some hidden inner force urged him on. He evidently had some design. Ivan felt that.
"Go on," he said. "Tell me what happened that night."
"What more is there to tell! I lay there and I thought I heard the master shout. And before that Grigory Vassilyevitch had suddenly got up and came out, and he suddenly gave a scream, and then all was silence and darkness. I lay there waiting, my heart beating; I couldn't bear it. I got up at last, went out. I saw the window open on the left into the garden, and I stepped to the left to listen whether he was sitting there alive, and I heard the master moving about, sighing, so I knew he was alive. 'Ech!' I thought. I went to the window and shouted to the master, 'It's I.' And he shouted to me, 'He's been, he's been; he's run away.' He meant Dmitri Fyodorovitch had been. 'He's killed Grigory! "Where?' I whispered. 'There, in the corner,' he pointed. He was whispering, too. 'Wait a bit," I said. I went to the corner of the garden to look, and there I came upon Grigory Vassilyevitch lying by the wall, covered with blood, senseless. So it's true that Dmitri Fyodorovitch has been here, was the thought that came into my head, and I determined on the spot to make an end of it, as Grigory Vassilyevitch, even if he were alive, would see nothing of it, as he lay there senseless. The only risk was that Marfa Ignatyevna might wake up. I felt that at the moment, but the longing to get it done came over me, till I could scarcely breathe. I went back to the window to the master and said, 'She's here, she's come; Agrafena Alexandrovna has come, wants to be let in.' And he started like a baby. 'Where is she?' he fairly gasped, but couldn't believe it. 'She's standing there,' said I. 'Open.' He looked out of the window at me, half believing and half distrustful, but afraid to open. 'Why, he is afraid of me now,' I thought. And it was funny. I bethought me to knock on the window-frame those taps we'd agreed upon as a signal that Grushenka had come, in his presence, before his eyes. He didn't seem to believe my word, but as soon as he heard the taps, he ran at once to open the door. He opened it. I would have gone in, but he stood in the way to prevent me passing. 'Where is she? Where is she?' He looked at me, all of a tremble. 'Well,' thought I, 'if he's so frightened of me as all that, it's a bad lookout!' And my legs went weak with fright that he wouldn't let me in or would call out, or Marfa Ignatyevna would run up, or something else might happen. I don't remember now, but I must have stood pale, facing him. I whispered to him, 'Why, she's there, there, under the window; how is it you don't see her?' I said. 'Bring her then, bring her.' 'She's afraid,' said I; 'she was frightened at the noise, she's hidden in the bushes; go and call to her yourself from the study.' He ran to the window, put the candle in the window. 'Grushenka,' he cried, 'Grushenka, are you here?' Though he cried that, he didn't want to lean out of the window, he didn't want to move away from me, for he was panic-stricken; he was so frightened he didn't dare to turn his back on me. 'Why, here she is,' said I. I went up to the window and leaned right out of it. 'Here she is; she's in the bush, laughing at you, don't you see her?' He suddenly believed it; he was all of a shake- he was awfully crazy about her- and he leaned right out of the window. I snatched up that iron paper-weight from his table; do you remember, weighing about three pounds? I swung it and hit him on the top of the skull with the corner of it. He didn't even cry out. He only sank down suddenly, and I hit him again and a third time. And the third time I knew I'd broken his skull. He suddenly rolled on his back, face upwards, covered with blood. I looked round. There was no blood on me, not a spot. I wiped the paper-weight, put it back, went up to the ikons, took the money out of the envelope, and flung the envelope on the floor and the pink ribbon beside it. I went out into the garden all of a tremble, straight to the apple-tree with a hollow in it- you know that hollow. I'd marked it long before and put a rag and a piece of paper ready in it. I wrapped all the notes in the rag and stuffed it deep down in the hole. And there it stayed for over a fortnight. I took it out later, when I came out of the hospital. I went back to my bed, lay down and thought, 'If Grigory Vassilyevitch has been killed outright it may be a bad job for me, but if he is not killed and recovers, it will be first-rate, for then he'll bear witness that Dmitri Fyodorovitch has been here, and so he must have killed him and taken the money.' Then I began groaning with suspense and impatience, so as to wake Marfa Ignatyevna as soon as possible. At last she got up and she rushed to me, but when she saw Grigory Vassilyevitch was not there, she ran out, and I heard her scream in the garden. And that set it all going and set my mind at rest."
He stopped. Ivan had listened all the time in dead silence without stirring or taking his eyes off him. As he told his story Smerdyakov glanced at him from time to time, but for the most part kept his eyes averted. When he had finished he was evidently agitated and was breathing hard. The perspiration stood out on his face. But it was impossible to tell whether it was remorse he was feeling, or what.
"Stay," cried Ivan pondering. "What about the door? If he only opened the door to you, how could Grigory have seen it open before? For Grigory saw it before you went."
It was remarkable that Ivan spoke quite amicably, in a different tone, not angry as before, so if anyone had opened the door at that moment and peeped in at them, he would certainly have concluded that they were talking peaceably about some ordinary, though interesting, subject.
"As for that door and having seen it open, that's only his fancy," said Smerdyakov, with a wry smile. "He is not a man, I assure you, but an obstinate mule. He didn't see it, but fancied he had seen it, and there's no shaking him. It's just our luck he took that notion into his head, for they can't fail to convict Dmitri Fyodorovitch after that."
"Listen... " said Ivan, beginning to seem bewildered again and making an effort to grasp something. "Listen. There are a lot of questions I want to ask you, but I forget them... I keep forgetting and getting mixed up. Yes. Tell me this at least, why did you open the envelope and leave it there on the floor? Why didn't you simply carry off the envelope?... When you were telling me, I thought you spoke about it as though it were the right thing to do... but why, I can't understand..."
"I did that for a good reason. For if a man had known all about it, as I did for instance, if he'd seen those notes before, and perhaps had put them in that envelope himself, and had seen the envelope sealed up and addressed, with his own eyes, if such a man had done the murder, what should have made him tear open the envelope afterwards, especially in such desperate haste, since he'd know for certain the notes must be in the envelope? No, if the robber had been someone like me, he'd simply have put the envelope straight in his pocket and got away with it as fast as he could. But it'd be quite different with Dmitri Fyodorovitch. He only knew about the envelope by hearsay; he had never seen it, and if he'd found it, for instance, under the mattress, he'd have torn it open as quickly as possible to make sure the notes were in it. And he'd have thrown the envelope down, without having time to think that it would be evidence against him. Because he was not an habitual thief and had never directly stolen anything before, for he is a gentleman born, and if he did bring himself to steal, it would not be regular stealing, but simply taking what was his own, for he'd told the whole town he meant to before, and had even bragged aloud before everyone that he'd go and take his property from Fyodor Pavlovitch. I didn't say that openly to the prosecutor when I was being examined, but quite the contrary, I brought him to it by a hint, as though I didn't see it myself, and as though he'd thought of it himself and I hadn't prompted him; so that Mr. Prosecutor's mouth positively watered at my suggestion."
"But can you possibly have thought of all that on the spot?" cried Ivan, overcome with astonishment. He looked at Smerdyakov again with alarm.
"Mercy on us! Could anyone think of it all in such a desperate hurry? It was all thought out beforehand."
"Well... well, it was the devil helped you!" Ivan cried again. "No, you are not a fool, you are far cleverer than I thought..."
He got up, obviously intending to walk across the room. He was in terrible distress. But as the table blocked his way, and there was hardly room to pass between the table and the wall, he only turned round where he stood and sat down again. Perhaps the impossibility of moving irritated him, as he suddenly cried out almost as furiously as before.
"Listen, you miserable, contemptible creature! Don't you understand that if I haven't killed you, it's simply because I am keeping you to answer to-morrow at the trial. God sees," Ivan raised his hand, "perhaps I, too, was guilty; perhaps I really had a secret desire for my father's... death, but I swear I was not as guilty as you think, and perhaps I didn't urge you on at all. No, no, I didn't urge you on! But no matter, I will give evidence against myself to-morrow at the trial. I'm determined to! I shall tell everything, everything. But we'll make our appearance together. And whatever you may say against me at the trial, whatever evidence you give, I'll face it; I am not afraid of you. I'll confirm it all myself! But you must confess, too! You must, you must; we'll go together. That's how it shall be!"
Ivan said this solemnly and resolutely and from his flashing eyes alone it could be seen that it would be so.
"You are ill, I see; you are quite ill. Your eyes are yellow," Smerdyakov commented, without the least irony, with apparent sympathy in fact.
"We'll go together," Ivan repeated. "And if you won't go, no matter, I'll go alone."
Smerdyakov paused as though pondering.
"There'll be nothing of the sort, and you won't go," he concluded at last positively.
"You don't understand me," Ivan exclaimed reproachfully.
"You'll be too much ashamed, if you confess it all. And, what's more, it will be no use at all, for I shall say straight out that I never said anything of the sort to you, and that you are either ill (and it looks like it, too), or that you're so sorry for your brother that you are sacrificing yourself to save him and have invented it all against me, for you've always thought no more of me than if I'd been a fly. And who will believe you, and what single proof have you got?"
"Listen, you showed me those notes just now to convince me."
Smerdyakov lifted the book off the notes and laid it on one side.
"Take that money away with you," Smerdyakov sighed.
"Of course, I shall take it. But why do you give it to me, if you committed the murder for the sake of it?" Ivan looked at him with great surprise.
"I don't want it," Smerdyakov articulated in a shaking voice, with a gesture of refusal. "I did have an idea of beginning a new life with that money in Moscow or, better still, abroad. I did dream of it, chiefly because 'all things are lawful.' That was quite right what you taught me, for you talked a lot to me about that. For if there's no everlasting God, there's no such thing as virtue, and there's no need of it. You were right there. So that's how I looked at it."
"Did you come to that of yourself?" asked Ivan, with a wry smile.
"With your guidance."
"And now, I suppose, you believe in God, since you are giving back the money?"
"No, I don't believe," whispered Smerdyakov.
"Then why are you giving it back?"
"Leave off... that's enough!" Smerdyakov waved his hand again. "You used to say yourself that everything was lawful, so now why are you so upset, too? You even want to go and give evidence against yourself.... Only there'll be nothing of the sort! You won't go to give evidence," Smerdyakov decided with conviction.
"You'll see," said Ivan.
"It isn't possible. You are very clever. You are fond of money, I know that. You like to be respected, too, for you're very proud; you are far too fond of female charms, too, and you mind most of all about living in undisturbed comfort, without having to depend on anyone- that's what you care most about. You won't want to spoil your life for ever by taking such a disgrace on yourself. You are like Fyodor Pavlovitch, you are more like him than any of his children; you've the same soul as he had."
"You are not a fool," said Ivan, seeming struck. The blood rushed to his face. "You are serious now!" he observed, looking suddenly at Smerdyakov with a different expression.
"It was your pride made you think I was a fool. Take the money."
Ivan took the three rolls of notes and put them in his pocket without wrapping them in anything.
"I shall show them at the court to-morrow," he said.
"Nobody will believe you, as you've plenty of money of your own; you may simply have taken it out of your cash-box and brought it to the court."
Ivan rose from his seat.
"I repeat," he said, "the only reason I haven't killed you is that I need you for to-morrow, remember that, don't forget it!"
"Well, kill me. Kill me now," Smerdyakov said, all at once looking strangely at Ivan. "You won't dare do that even!" he added, with a bitter smile. "You won't dare to do anything, you, who used to be so bold!"
"Till to-morrow," cried Ivan, and moved to go out.
"Stay a moment.... Show me those notes again."
Ivan took out the notes and showed them to him. Smerdyakov looked at them for ten seconds.
"Well, you can go," he said, with a wave of his hand. "Ivan Fyodorovitch!" he called after him again.
"What do you want?" Ivan turned without stopping.
"Good-bye!"
"Till to-morrow!" Ivan cried again, and he walked out of the cottage.
The snowstorm was still raging. He walked the first few steps boldly, but suddenly began staggering. "It's something physical," he thought with a grin. Something like joy was springing up in his heart. He was conscious of unbounded resolution; he would make an end of the wavering that had so tortured him of late. His determination was taken, "and now it will not be changed," he thought with relief. At that moment he stumbled against something and almost fell down. Stopping short, he made out at his feet the peasant he had knocked down, still lying senseless and motionless. The snow had almost covered his face. Ivan seized him and lifted him in his arms. Seeing a light in the little house to the right he went up, knocked at the shutters, and asked the man to whom the house belonged to help him carry the peasant to the police station, promising him three roubles. The man got ready and came out. I won't describe in detail how Ivan succeeded in his object, bringing the peasant to the police-station and arranging for a doctor to see him at once, providing with a liberal hand for the expenses. I will only say that this business took a whole hour, but Ivan was well content with it. His mind wandered and worked incessantly.
"If I had not taken my decision so firmly for to-morrow," he reflected with satisfaction, "I should not have stayed a whole hour to look after the peasant, but should have passed by, without caring about his being frozen. I am quite capable of watching myself, by the way," he thought at the same instant, with still greater satisfaction, "although they have decided that I am going out of my mind!"
Just as he reached his own house he stopped short, asking himself suddenly hadn't he better go at once to the prosecutor and tell him everything. He decided the question by turning back to the house. "Everything together to-morrow!" he whispered to himself, and, strange to say, almost all his gladness and selfsatisfaction passed in one instant.
As he entered his own room he felt something like a touch of ice on his heart, like a recollection or, more exactly, a reminder, of something agonising and revolting that was in that room now, at that moment, and had been there before. He sank wearily on his sofa. The old woman brought him a samovar; he made tea, but did not touch it. He sat on the sofa and felt giddy. He felt that he was ill and helpless. He was beginning to drop asleep, but got up uneasily and walked across the room to shake off his drowsiness. At moments he fancied he was delirious, but it was not illness that he thought of most. Sitting down again, he began looking round, as though searching for something. This happened several times. At last his eyes were fastened intently on one point. Ivan smiled, but an angry flush suffused his face. He sat a long time in his place, his head propped on both arms, though he looked sideways at the same point, at the sofa that stood against the opposite wall. There was evidently something, some object, that irritated him there, worried him and tormented him.
I AM NOT a doctor, but yet I feel that the moment has come when I must inevitably give the reader some account of the nature of Ivan's illness. Anticipating events I can say at least one thing: he was at that moment on the very eve of an attack of brain fever. Though his health had long been affected, it had offered a stubborn resistance to the fever which in the end gained complete mastery over it. Though I know nothing of medicine, I venture to hazard the suggestion that he really had perhaps, by a terrible effort of will, succeeded in delaying the attack for a time, hoping, of course, to check it completely. He knew that he was unwell, but he loathed the thought of being ill at that fatal time, at the approaching crisis in his life, when he needed to have all his wits about him, to say what he had to say boldly and resolutely and "to justify himself to himself."
He had, however, consulted the new doctor, who had been brought from Moscow by a fantastic notion of Katerina Ivanovna's to which I have referred already. After listening to him and examining him the doctor came to the conclusion that he was actually suffering from some disorder of the brain, and was not at all surprised by an admission which Ivan had reluctantly made him. "Hallucinations are quite likely in your condition," the doctor opined, 'though it would be better to verify them... you must take steps at once, without a moment's delay, or things will go badly with you." But Ivan did not follow this judicious advice and did not take to his bed to be nursed. "I am walking about, so I am strong enough, if I drop, it'll be different then, anyone may nurse me who likes," he decided, dismissing the subject.
And so he was sitting almost conscious himself of his delirium and, as I have said already, looking persistently at some object on the sofa against the opposite wall. Someone appeared to be sitting there, though goodness knows how he had come in, for he had not been in the room when Ivan came into it, on his return from Smerdyakov. This was a person or, more accurately speaking, a Russian gentleman of a particular kind, no longer young, qui faisait la cinquantaine,* as the French say, with rather long, still thick, dark hair, slightly streaked with grey and a small pointed beard. He was wearing a brownish reefer jacket, rather shabby, evidently made by a good tailor though, and of a fashion at least three years old, that had been discarded by smart and well-to-do people for the last two years. His linen and his long scarf-like neck-tie were all such as are worn by people who aim at being stylish, but on closer inspection his linen was not overclean and his wide scarf was very threadbare. The visitor's check trousers were of excellent cut, but were too light in colour and too tight for the present fashion. His soft fluffy white hat was out of keeping with the season.
* Fiftyish.
In brief there was every appearance of gentility on straitened means. It looked as though the gentleman belonged to that class of idle landowners who used to flourish in the times of serfdom. He had unmistakably been, at some time, in good and fashionable society, had once had good connections, had possibly preserved them indeed, but, after a gay youth, becoming gradually impoverished on the abolition of serfdom, he had sunk into the position of a poor relation of the best class, wandering from one good old friend to another and received by them for his companionable and accommodating disposition and as being, after all, a gentleman who could be asked to sit down with anyone, though, of course, not in a place of honour. Such gentlemen of accommodating temper and dependent position, who can tell a story, take a hand at cards, and who have a distinct aversion for any duties that may be forced upon them, are usually solitary creatures, either bachelors or widowers. Sometimes they have children, but if so, the children are always being brought up at a distance, at some aunt's, to whom these gentlemen never allude in good society, seeming ashamed of the relationship. They gradually lose sight of their children altogether, though at intervals they receive a birthday or Christmas letter from them and sometimes even answer it.
The countenance of the unexpected visitor was not so much good-natured, as accommodating and ready to assume any amiable expression as occasion might arise. He had no watch, but he had a tortoise-shell lorgnette on a black ribbon. On the middle finger of his right hand was a massive gold ring with a cheap opal stone in it.
Ivan was angrily silent and would not begin the conversation. The visitor waited and sat exactly like a poor relation who had come down from his room to keep his host company at tea, and was discreetly silent, seeing that his host was frowning and preoccupied. But he was ready for any affable conversation as soon as his host should begin it. All at once his face expressed a sudden solicitude.
"I say," he began to Ivan, "excuse me, I only mention it to remind you. You went to Smerdyakov's to find out about Katerina Ivanovna, but you came away without finding out anything about her, you probably forgot-"
"Ah, yes." broke from Ivan and his face grew gloomy with uneasiness. "Yes, I'd forgotten... but it doesn't matter now, never mind, till to-morrow," he muttered to himself, "and you," he added, addressing his visitor, "I should have remembered that myself in a minute, for that was just what was tormenting me! Why do you interfere, as if I should believe that you prompted me, and that I didn't remember it of myself?"
"Don't believe it then," said the gentleman, smiling amicably, "what's the good of believing against your will? Besides, proofs are no help to believing, especially material proofs. Thomas believed, not because he saw Christ risen, but because he wanted to believe, before he saw. Look at the spiritualists, for instance.... I am very fond of them... only fancy, they imagine that they are serving the cause of religion, because the devils show them their horns from the other world. That, they say, is a material proof, so to speak, of the existence of another world. The other world and material proofs, what next! And if you come to that, does proving there's a devil prove that there's a God? I want to join an idealist society, I'll lead the opposition in it, I'll say I am a realist, but not a materialist, he he!"
"Listen," Ivan suddenly got up from the table. "I seem to be delirious... I am delirious, in fact, talk any nonsense you like, I don't care! You won't drive me to fury, as you did last time. But I feel somehow ashamed... I want to walk about the room.... I sometimes don't see you and don't even hear your voice as I did last time, but I always guess what you are prating, for it's I, I myself speaking, not you. Only I don't know whether I was dreaming last time or whether I really saw you. I'll wet a towel and put it on my head and perhaps you'll vanish into air."
Ivan went into the corner, took a towel, and did as he said, and with a wet towel on his head began walking up and down the room.
"I am so glad you treat me so familiarly," the visitor began.
"Fool," laughed Ivan, "do you suppose I should stand on ceremony with you? I am in good spirits now, though I've a pain in my forehead... and in the top of my head... only please don't talk philosophy, as you did last time. If you can't take yourself off, talk of something amusing. Talk gossip, you are a poor relation, you ought to talk gossip. What a nightmare to have! But I am not afraid of you. I'll get the better of you. I won't be taken to a mad-house!"
"C'est charmant, poor relation. Yes, I am in my natural shape. For what am I on earth but a poor relation? By the way, I am listening to you and am rather surprised to find you are actually beginning to take me for something real, not simply your fancy, as you persisted in declaring last time-"
"Never for one minute have I taken you for reality," Ivan cried with a sort of fury. "You are a lie, you are my illness, you are a phantom. It's only that I don't know how to destroy you and I see I must suffer for a time. You are my hallucination. You are the incarnation of myself, but only of one side of me... of my thoughts and feelings, but only the nastiest and stupidest of them. From that point of view you might be of interest to me, if only I had time to waste on you-"
"Excuse me, excuse me, I'll catch you. When you flew out at Alyosha under the lamp-post this evening and shouted to him, 'You learnt it from him! How do you know that he visits me?' You were thinking of me then. So for one brief moment you did believe that I really exist," the gentleman laughed blandly.
"Yes, that was a moment of weakness... but I couldn't believe in you. I don't know whether I was asleep or awake last time. Perhaps I was only dreaming then and didn't see you really at all-"
"And why were you so surly with Alyosha just now? He is a dear; I've treated him badly over Father Zossima."
"Don't talk of Alyosha! How dare you, you flunkey!" Ivan laughed again.
"You scold me, but you laugh- that's a good sign. But you are ever so much more polite than you were last time and I know why: that great resolution of yours-"
"Don't speak of my resolution," cried Ivan, savagely.
"I understand, I understand, c'est noble, c'est charmant, you are going to defend your brother and to sacrifice yourself... C'est chevaleresque."
"Hold your tongue, I'll kick you!"
"I shan't be altogether sorry, for then my object will be attained. If you kick me, you must believe in my reality, for people don't kick ghosts. Joking apart, it doesn't matter to me, scold if you like, though it's better to be a trifle more polite even to me. 'Fool, flunkey!' what words!"
"Scolding you, I scold myself," Ivan laughed again, "you are myself, myself, only with a different face. You just say what I am thinking... and are incapable of saying anything new!"
"If I am like you in my way of thinking, it's all to my credit," the gentleman declared, with delicacy and dignity.
"You choose out only my worst thoughts, and what's more, the stupid ones. You are stupid and vulgar. You are awfully stupid. No, I can't put up with you! What am I to do, what am I to do?" Ivan said through his clenched teeth.
"My dear friend, above all things I want to behave like a gentleman and to be recognised as such," the visitor began in an access of deprecating and simple-hearted pride, typical of a poor relation. "I am poor, but... I won't say very honest, but... it's an axiom generally accepted in society that I am a fallen angel. I certainly can't conceive how I can ever have been an angel. If I ever was, it must have been so long ago that there's no harm in forgetting it. Now I only prize the reputation of being a gentlemanly person and live as I can, trying to make myself agreeable. I love men genuinely, I've been greatly calumniated! Here when I stay with you from time to time, my life gains a kind of reality and that's what I like most of all. You see, like you, I suffer from the fantastic and so I love the realism of earth. Here, with you, everything is circumscribed, here all is formulated and geometrical, while we have nothing but indeterminate equations! I wander about here dreaming. I like dreaming. Besides, on earth I become superstitious. Please don't laugh, that's just what I like, to become superstitious. I adopt all your habits here: I've grown fond of going to the public baths, would you believe it? and I go and steam myself with merchants and priests. What I dream of is becoming incarnate once for all and irrevocably in the form of some merchant's wife weighing eighteen stone, and of believing all she believes. My ideal is to go to church and offer a candle in simple-hearted faith, upon my word it is. Then there would be an end to my sufferings. I like being doctored too; in the spring there was an outbreak of smallpox and I went and was vaccinated in a foundling hospital- if only you knew how I enjoyed myself that day. I subscribed ten roubles in the cause of the Slavs!... But you are not listening. Do you know, you are not at all well this evening? I know you went yesterday to that doctor... well, what about your health? What did the doctor say?"
"Fool!" Ivan snapped out.
"But you are clever, anyway. You are scolding again? I didn't ask out of sympathy. You needn't answer. Now rheumatism has come in again-"
"Fool!" repeated Ivan.
"You keep saying the same thing; but I had such an attack of rheumatism last year that I remember it to this day."
"The devil have rheumatism!"
"Why not, if I sometimes put on fleshly form? I put on fleshly form and I take the consequences. Satan sum et nihil humanum a me alienum puto."*
* I am Satan, and deem nothing human alien to me.
"What, what, Satan sum et nihil humanum... that's not bad for the devil!"
"I am glad I've pleased you at last."
"But you didn't get that from me." Ivan stopped suddenly, seeming struck. "That never entered my head, that's strange."
"C'est du nouveau, n'est-ce pas?"* This time I'll act honestly and explain to you. Listen, in dreams and especially in nightmares, from indigestion or anything, a man sees sometimes such artistic visions, such complex and real actuality, such events, even a whole world of events, woven into such a plot, with such unexpected details from the most exalted matters to the last button on a cuff, as I swear Leo Tolstoy has never invented. Yet such dreams are sometimes seen not by writers, but by the most ordinary people, officials, journalists, priests.... The subject is a complete enigma. A statesman confessed to me, indeed, that all his best ideas came to him when he was asleep. Well, that's how it is now, though I am your hallucination, yet just as in a nightmare, I say original things which had not entered your head before. So I don't repeat your ideas, yet I am only your nightmare, nothing more."
* It's new, isn't it?
"You are lying, your aim is to convince me you exist apart and are not my nightmare, and now you are asserting you are a dream."
"My dear fellow, I've adopted a special method to-day, I'll explain it to you afterwards. Stay, where did I break off? Oh, yes! I caught cold then, only not here but yonder."
"Where is yonder? Tell me, will you be here long. Can't you go away?" Ivan exclaimed almost in despair. He ceased walking to and fro, sat down on the sofa, leaned his elbows on the table again and held his head tight in both hands. He pulled the wet towel off and flung it away in vexation. It was evidently of no use.
"Your nerves are out of order," observed the gentleman, with a carelessly easy, though perfectly polite, air. "You are angry with me even for being able to catch cold, though it happened in a most natural way. I was hurrying then to a diplomatic soiree at the house of a lady of high rank in Petersburg, who was aiming at influence in the Ministry. Well, an evening suit, white tie, gloves, though I was God knows where and had to fly through space to reach your earth.... Of course, it took only an instant, but you know a ray of light from the sun takes full eight minutes, and fancy in an evening suit and open waistcoat. Spirits don't freeze, but when one's in fleshly form, well... in brief, I didn't think, and set off, and you know in those ethereal spaces, in the water that is above the firmament, there's such a frost... at least one can't call it frost, you fancy, 150 degrees below zero! You know the game the village girls play- they invite the unwary to lick an axe in thirty degrees of frost, the tongue instantly freezes to it and the dupe tears the skin off, so it bleeds. But that's only in 30 degrees, in 150 degrees I imagine it would be enough to put your finger on the axe and it would be the end of it... if only there could be an axe there."
"And can there be an axe there?" Ivan interrupted, carelessly and disdainfully. He was exerting himself to the utmost not to believe in the delusion and not to sink into complete insanity
"An axe?" the guest interrupted in surprise.
"Yes, what would become of an axe there?" Ivan cried suddenly, with a sort of savage and insistent obstinacy.
"What would become of an axe in space? Quelle idee! If it were to fall to any distance, it would begin, I think, flying round the earth without knowing why, like a satellite. The astronomers would calculate the rising and the setting of the axe; Gatzuk would put it in his calendar, that's all."
"You are stupid, awfully stupid," said Ivan peevishly. "Fib more cleverly or I won't listen. You want to get the better of me by realism, to convince me that you exist, but I don't want to believe you exist! I won't believe it!"
"But I am not fibbing, it's all the truth; the truth is unhappily hardly ever amusing. I see you persist in expecting something big of me, and perhaps something fine. That's a great pity, for I only give what I can-"
"Don't talk philosophy, you ass!"
"Philosophy, indeed, when all my right side is numb and I am moaning and groaning. I've tried all the medical faculty: they can diagnose beautifully, they have the whole of your disease at their finger-tips, but they've no idea how to cure you. There was an enthusiastic little student here, 'You may die,' said he, 'but you'll know perfectly what disease you are dying of!' And then what a way they have of sending people to specialists! 'We only diagnose,' they say, 'but go to such-and-such a specialist, he'll cure you.' The old doctor who used to cure all sorts of disease has completely disappeared, I assure you, now there are only specialists and they all advertise in the newspapers. If anything is wrong with your nose, they send you to Paris: there, they say, is a European specialist who cures noses. If you go to Paris, he'll look at your nose; I can only cure your right nostril, he'll tell you, for I don't cure the left nostril, that's not my speciality, but go to Vienna, there there's a specialist who will cure your left nostril. What are you to do? I fell back on popular remedies, a German doctor advised me to rub myself with honey and salt in the bath-house. Solely to get an extra bath I went, smeared myself all over and it did me no good at all. In despair I wrote to Count Mattei in Milan. He sent me a book and some drops, bless him, and, only fancy, Hoff's malt extract cured me! I bought it by accident, drank a bottle and a half of it, and I was ready to dance, it took it away completely. I made up my mind to write to the papers to thank him, I was prompted by a feeling of gratitude, and only fancy, it led to no end of a bother: not a single paper would take my letter. 'It would be very reactionary,' they said, 'none will believe it. Le diable n'existe point.* You'd better remain anonymous,' they advised me. What use is a letter of thanks if it's anonymous? I laughed with the men at the newspaper office; 'It's reactionary to believe in God in our days,' I said, 'but I am the devil, so I may be believed in.' 'We quite understand that,' they said. 'Who doesn't believe in the devil? Yet it won't do, it might injure our reputation. As a joke, if you like.' But I thought as a joke it wouldn't be very witty. So it wasn't printed. And do you know, I have felt sore about it to this day. My best feelings, gratitude, for instance, are literally denied me simply from my social position."
* The devil does not exist.
"Philosophical reflections again?" Ivan snarled malignantly.
"God preserve me from it, but one can't help complaining sometimes. I am a slandered man. You upbraid me every moment with being stupid. One can see you are young. My dear fellow, intelligence isn't the only thing! I have naturally a kind and merry heart. 'I also write vaudevilles of all sorts.' You seem to take me for Hlestakov grown old, but my fate is a far more serious one. Before time was, by some decree which I could never make out, I was predestined 'to deny' and yet I am genuinely good-hearted and not at all inclined to negation. 'No, you must go and deny, without denial there's no criticism and what would a journal be without a column of criticism?' Without criticism it would be nothing but one 'hosannah.' But nothing but hosannah is not enough for life, the hosannah must be tried in the crucible of doubt and so on, in the same style. But I don't meddle in that, I didn't create it, I am not answerable for it. Well, they've chosen their scapegoat, they've made me write the column of criticism and so life was made possible. We understand that comedy; I, for instance, simply ask for annihilation. No, live, I am told, for there'd be nothing without you. If everything in the universe were sensible, nothing would happen. There would be no events without you, and there must be events. So against the grain I serve to produce events and do what's irrational because I am commanded to. For all their indisputable intelligence, men take this farce as something serious, and that is their tragedy. They suffer, of course... but then they live, they live a real life, not a fantastic one, for suffering is life. Without suffering what would be the pleasure of it? It would be transformed into an endless church service; it would be holy, but tedious. But what about me? I suffer, but still, I don't live. I am x in an indeterminate equation. I am a sort of phantom in life who has lost all beginning and end, and who has even forgotten his own name. You are laughing- no, you are not laughing, you are angry again. You are for ever angry, all you care about is intelligence, but I repeat again that I would give away all this superstellar life, all the ranks and honours, simply to be transformed into the soul of a merchant's wife weighing eighteen stone and set candles at God's shrine."
"Then even you don't believe in God?" said Ivan, with a smile of hatred.
"What can I say?- that is, if you are in earnest-"
"Is there a God or not?" Ivan cried with the same savage intensity.
"Ah, then you are in earnest! My dear fellow, upon my word I don't know. There! I've said it now!"
"You don't know, but you see God? No, you are not someone apart, you are myself, you are I and nothing more! You are rubbish, you are my fancy!"
"Well, if you like, I have the same philosophy as you, that would be true. Je pense, donc je suis,* I know that for a fact; all the rest, all these worlds, God and even Satan- all that is not proved, to my mind. Does all that exist of itself, or is it only an emanation of myself, a logical development of my ego which alone has existed for ever: but I make haste to stop, for I believe you will be jumping up to beat me directly."
* I think, therefore I am.
"You'd better tell me some anecdote!" said Ivan miserably.
"There is an anecdote precisely on our subject, or rather a legend, not an anecdote. You reproach me with unbelief; you see, you say, yet you don't believe. But, my dear fellow, I am not the only one like that. We are all in a muddle over there now and all through your science. Once there used to be atoms, five senses, four elements, and then everything hung together somehow. There were atoms in the ancient world even, but since we've learned that you've discovered the chemical molecule and protoplasm and the devil knows what, we had to lower our crest. There's a regular muddle, and, above all, superstition, scandal; there's as much scandal among us as among you, you know; a little more in fact, and spying, indeed, for we have our secret police department where private information is received. Well, this wild legend belongs to our middle ages- not yours, but ours- and no one believes it even among us, except the old ladies of eighteen stone, not your old ladies I mean, but ours. We've everything you have, I am revealing one of our secrets out of friendship for you; though it's forbidden. This legend is about Paradise. There was, they say, here on earth a thinker and philosopher. He rejected everything, 'laws, conscience, faith,' and, above all, the future life. He died; he expected to go straight to darkness and death and he found a future life before him. He was astounded and indignant. 'This is against my principles!' he said. And he was punished for that... that is, you must excuse me, I am just repeating what I heard myself, it's only a legend... he was sentenced to walk a quadrillion kilometres in the dark (we've adopted the metric system, you know): and when he has finished that quadrillion, the gates of heaven would be opened to him and he'll be forgiven-"
"And what tortures have you in the other world besides the quadrillion kilometres?" asked Ivan, with a strange eagerness.
"What tortures? Ah, don't ask. In old days we had all sorts, but now they have taken chiefly to moral punishments- 'the stings of conscience' and all that nonsense. We got that, too, from you, from the softening of your manners. And who's the better for it? Only those who have got no conscience, for how can they be tortured by conscience when they have none? But decent people who have conscience and a sense of honour suffer for it. Reforms, when the ground has not been prepared for them, especially if they are institutions copied from abroad, do nothing but mischief! The ancient fire was better. Well, this man, who was condemned to the quadrillion kilometres, stood still, looked round and lay down across the road. 'I won't go, I refuse on principle!' Take the soul of an enlightened Russian atheist and mix it with the soul of the prophet Jonah, who sulked for three days and nights in the belly of the whale, and you get the character of that thinker who lay across the road."
"What did he lie on there?"
"Well, I suppose there was something to lie on. You are not laughing?"
"Bravo!" cried Ivan, still with the same strange eagerness. Now he was listening with an unexpected curiosity. "Well, is he lying there now?"
"That's the point, that he isn't. He lay there almost a thousand years and then he got up and went on."
"What an ass!" cried Ivan, laughing nervously and still seeming to be pondering something intently. "Does it make any difference whether he lies there for ever or walks the quadrillion kilometres? It would take a billion years to walk it?"
"Much more than that. I haven't got a pencil and paper or I could work it out. But he got there long ago, and that's where the story begins."
"What, he got there? But how did he get the billion years to do it?"
"Why, you keep thinking of our present earth! But our present earth may have been repeated a billion times. Why, it's become extinct, been frozen; cracked, broken to bits, disintegrated into its elements, again 'the water above the firmament,' then again a comet, again a sun, again from the sun it becomes earth- and the same sequence may have been repeated endlessly and exactly the same to every detail, most unseemly and insufferably tedious-"
"Well, well, what happened when he arrived?"
"Why, the moment the gates of Paradise were open and he walked in; before he had been there two seconds, by his watch (though to my thinking his watch must have long dissolved into its elements on the way), he cried out that those two seconds were worth walking not a quadrillion kilometres but a quadrillion of quadrillions, raised to the quadrillionth power! In fact, he sang 'hosannah' and overdid it so, that some persons there of lofty ideas wouldn't shake hands with him at first- he'd become too rapidly reactionary, they said. The Russian temperament. I repeat, it's a legend. I give it for what it's worth, so that's the sort of ideas we have on such subjects even now."
"I've caught you!" Ivan cried, with an almost childish delight, as though he had succeeded in remembering something at last. "That anecdote about the quadrillion years, I made up myself! I was seventeen then, I was at the high school. I made up that anecdote and told it to a schoolfellow called Korovkin, it was at Moscow.... The anecdote is so characteristic that I couldn't have taken it from anywhere. I thought I'd forgotten it... but I've unconsciously recalled it- I recalled it myself- it was not you telling it! Thousands of things are unconsciously remembered like that even when people are being taken to execution... it's come back to me in a dream. You are that dream! You are a dream, not a living creature!"
"From the vehemence with which you deny my existence," laughed the gentleman, "I am convinced that you believe in me."
"Not in the slightest! I haven't a hundredth part of a grain of faith in you!"
"But you have the thousandth of a grain. Homeopathic doses perhaps are the strongest. Confess that you have faith even to the ten-thousandth of a grain."
"Not for one minute," cried Ivan furiously. "But I should like to believe in you," he added strangely.
"Aha! There's an admission! But I am good-natured. I'll come to your assistance again. Listen, it was I caught you, not you me. I told you your anecdote you'd forgotten, on purpose, so as to destroy your faith in me completely."
"You are lying. The object of your visit is to convince me of your existence!"
"Just so. But hesitation, suspense, conflict between belief and disbelief- is sometimes such torture to a conscientious man, such as you are, that it's better to hang oneself at once. Knowing that you are inclined to believe in me, I administered some disbelief by telling you that anecdote. I lead you to belief and disbelief by turns, and I have my motive in it. It's the new method. As soon as you disbelieve in me completely, you'll begin assuring me to my face that I am not a dream but a reality. I know you. Then I shall have attained my object, which is an honourable one. I shall sow in you only a tiny grain of faith and it will grow into an oak-tree- and such an oak-tree that, sitting on it, you will long to enter the ranks of 'the hermits in the wilderness and the saintly women,' for that is what you are secretly longing for. You'll dine on locusts, you'll wander into the wilderness to save your soul!"
"Then it's for the salvation of my soul you are working, is it, you scoundrel?"
"One must do a good work sometimes. How ill-humoured you are!"
"Fool! did you ever tempt those holy men who ate locusts and prayed seventeen years in the wilderness till they were overgrown with moss?"
"My dear fellow, I've done nothing else. One forgets the whole world and all the worlds, and sticks to one such saint, because he is a very precious diamond. One such soul, you know, is sometimes worth a whole constellation. We have our system of reckoning, you know. The conquest is priceless! And some of them, on my word, are not inferior to you in culture, though you won't believe it. They can contemplate such depths of belief and disbelief at the same moment that sometimes it really seems that they are within a hair's-breadth of being 'turned upside down,' as the actor Gorbunov says."
"Well, did you get your nose pulled?"
"My dear fellow," observed the visitor sententiously, "it's better to get off with your nose pulled than without a nose at all. As an afflicted marquis observed not long ago (he must have been treated by a specialist) in confession to his spiritual father- a Jesuit. I was present, it was simply charming. 'Give me back my nose!' he said, and he beat his breast. 'My son,' said the priest evasively, 'all things are accomplished in accordance with the inscrutable decrees of Providence, and what seems a misfortune sometimes leads to extraordinary, though unapparent, benefits. If stern destiny has deprived you of your nose, it's to your advantage that no one can ever pull you by your nose.' 'Holy father, that's no comfort,' cried the despairing marquis. 'I'd be delighted to have my nose pulled every day of my life, if it were only in its proper place.' 'My son,' sighs the priest, 'you can't expect every blessing at once. This is murmuring against Providence, who even in this has not forgotten you, for if you repine as you repined just now, declaring you'd be glad to have your nose pulled for the rest of your life, your desire has already been fulfilled indirectly, for when you lost your nose, you were led by the nose.'
"Fool, how stupid!" cried Ivan.
"My dear friend, I only wanted to amuse you. But I swear that's the genuine Jesuit casuistry and I swear that it all happened word for word as I've told you. It happened lately and gave me a great deal of trouble. The unhappy young man shot himself that very night when he got home. I was by his side till the very last moment. Those Jesuit confessionals are really my most delightful diversion at melancholy moments. Here's another incident that happened only the other day. A little blonde Norman girl of twenty- a buxom, unsophisticated beauty that would make your mouth water- comes to an old priest. She bends down and whispers her sin into the grating. 'Why, my daughter, have you fallen again already?' cries the priest: 'O Sancta Maria, what do I hear! Not the same man this time, how long is this going on? Aren't you ashamed!' 'Ah, mon pere,' answers the sinner with tears of penitence, 'Ca lui fait tant de plaisir, et a moi si peu de peine!'* Fancy, such an answer! I drew back. It was the cry of nature, better than innocence itself, if you like. I absolved her sin on the spot and was turning to go, but I was forced to turn back. I heard the priest at the grating making an appointment with her for the evening- though he was an old man hard as flint, he fell in an instant! It was nature, the truth of nature asserted its rights! What, you are turning up your nose again? Angry again? I don't know how to please you-"
* Ah, my father, this gives him so much pleasure, and me so little pain!
"Leave me alone, you are beating on my brain like a haunting nightmare," Ivan moaned miserably, helpless before his apparition. "I am bored with you, agonisingly and insufferably. I would give anything to be able to shake you off!"
"I repeat, moderate your expectations, don't demand of me 'everything great and noble,' and you'll see how well we shall get on," said the gentleman impressively. "You are really angry with me for not having appeared to you in a red glow, with thunder and lightning, with scorched wings, but have shown myself in such a modest form. You are wounded, in the first place, in your asthetic feelings, and, secondly, in your pride. How could such a vulgar devil visit such a great man as you! Yes, there is that romantic strain in you, that was so derided by Byelinsky. I can't help it, young man, as I got ready to come to you I did think as a joke of appearing in the figure of a retired general who had served in the Caucasus, with a star of the Lion and the Sun on my coat. But I was positively afraid of doing it, for you'd have thrashed me for daring to pin the Lion and the Sun on my coat, instead of, at least, the Polar Star or the Sirius. And you keep on saying I am stupid, but, mercy on us! I make no claim to be equal to you in intelligence. Mephistopheles declared to Faust that he desired evil, but did only good. Well, he can say what he likes, it's quite the opposite with me. I am perhaps the one man in all creation who loves the truth and genuinely desires good. I was there when the Word, Who died on the Cross, rose up into heaven bearing on His bosom the soul of the penitent thief. I heard the glad shrieks of the cherubim singing and shouting hosannah and the thunderous rapture of the seraphim which shook heaven and all creation, and I swear to you by all that's sacred, I longed to join the choir and shout hosannah with them all. The word had almost escaped me, had almost broken from my lips... you know how susceptible and aesthetically impressionable I am. But common sense- oh, a most unhappy trait in my character- kept me in due bounds and I let the moment pass! For what would have happened, I reflected, what would have happened after my hosannah? Everything on earth would have been extinguished at once and no events could have occurred. And so, solely from a sense of duty and my social position, was forced to suppress the good moment and to stick to my nasty task. Somebody takes all the credit of what's good for Himself, and nothing but nastiness is left for me. But I don't envy the honour of a life of idle imposture, I am not ambitious. Why am I, of all creatures in the world, doomed to be cursed by all decent people and even to be kicked, for if I put on mortal form I am bound to take such consequences sometimes? I know, of course, there's a secret in it, but they won't tell me the secret for anything, for then perhaps, seeing the meaning of it, I might bawl hosannah, and the indispensable minus would disappear at once, and good sense would reign supreme throughout the whole world. And that, of course, would mean the end of everything, even of magazines and newspapers, for who would take them in? I know that at the end of all things I shall be reconciled. I, too, shall walk my quadrillion and learn the secret. But till that happens I am sulking and fulfil my destiny though it's against the grain- that is, to ruin thousands for the sake of saving one. How many souls have had to be ruined and how many honourable reputations destroyed for the sake of that one righteous man, Job, over whom they made such a fool of me in old days! Yes, till the secret is revealed, there are two sorts of truths for me- one, their truth, yonder, which I know nothing about so far, and the other my own. And there's no knowing which will turn out the better.... Are you asleep?"
"I might well be," Ivan groaned angrily. "All my stupid ideas- outgrown, thrashed out long ago, and flung aside like a dead carcass you present to me as something new!"
"There's no pleasing you! And I thought I should fascinate you by my literary style. That hosannah in the skies really wasn't bad, was it? And then that ironical tone a la Heine, eh?"
"No, I was never such a flunkey! How then could my soul beget a flunkey like you?"
"My dear fellow, I know a most charming and attractive young Russian gentleman, a young thinker and a great lover of literature and art, the author of a promising poem entitled The Grand Inquisitor. I was only thinking of him!"
"I forbid you to speak of The Grand Inquisitor," cried Ivan, crimson with shame.
"And the Geological Cataclysm. Do you remember? That was a poem, now!"
"Hold your tongue, or I'll kill you!"
"You'll kill me? No, excuse me, I will speak. I came to treat myself to that pleasure. Oh, I love the dreams of my ardent young friends, quivering with eagerness for life! 'There are new men,' you decided last spring, when you were meaning to come here, 'they propose to destroy everything and begin with cannibalism. Stupid fellows! they didn't ask my advice! I maintain that nothing need be destroyed, that we only need to destroy the idea of God in man, that's how we have to set to work. It's that, that we must begin with. Oh, blind race of men who have no understanding! As soon as men have all of them denied God- and I believe that period, analogous with geological periods, will come to pass- the old conception of the universe will fall of itself without cannibalism, and, what's more, the old morality, and everything will begin anew. Men will unite to take from life all it can give, but only for joy and happiness in the present world. Man will be lifted up with a spirit of divine Titanic pride and the man-god will appear. From hour to hour extending his conquest of nature infinitely by his will and his science, man will feel such lofty joy from hour to hour in doing it that it will make up for all his old dreams of the joys of heaven. Everyone will know that he is mortal and will accept death proudly and serenely like a god. His pride will teach him that it's useless for him to repine at life's being a moment, and he will love his brother without need of reward. Love will be sufficient only for a moment of life, but the very consciousness of its momentariness will intensify its fire, which now is dissipated in dreams of eternal love beyond the grave'... and so on and so on in the same style. Charming!"
Ivan sat with his eyes on the floor, and his hands pressed to his ears, but he began trembling all over. The voice continued.
"The question now is, my young thinker reflected, is it possible that such a period will ever come? If it does, everything is determined and humanity is settled for ever. But as, owing to man's inveterate stupidity, this cannot come about for at least a thousand years, everyone who recognises the truth even now may legitimately order his life as he pleases, on the new principles. In that sense, 'all things are lawful' for him. What's more, even if this period never comes to pass, since there is anyway no God and no immortality, the new man may well become the man-god, even if he is the only one in the whole world, and promoted to his new position, he may lightheartedly overstep all the barriers of the old morality of the old slaveman, if necessary. There is no law for God. Where God stands, the place is holy. Where I stand will be at once the foremost place... 'all things are lawful' and that's the end of it! That's all very charming; but if you want to swindle why do you want a moral sanction for doing it? But that's our modern Russian all over. He can't bring himself to swindle without a moral sanction. He is so in love with truth-"
The visitor talked, obviously carried away by his own eloquence, speaking louder and louder and looking ironically at his host. But he did not succeed in finishing; Ivan suddenly snatched a glass from the table and flung it at the orator. "Ah, mais c'est bete enfin,"* cried the latter, jumping up from the sofa and shaking the drops of tea off himself. "He remembers Luther's inkstand! He takes me for a dream and throws glasses at a dream! It's like a woman! I suspected you were only pretending to stop up your ears."
* But after all, that's stupid.
A loud, persistent knocking was suddenly heard at the window. Ivan jumped up from the sofa.
"Do you hear? You'd better open," cried the visitor; "it's your brother Alyosha with the most interesting and surprising news, I'll be bound!"
"Be silent, deceiver, I knew it was Alyosha, I felt he was coming, and of course he has not come for nothing; of course he brings 'news,'" Ivan exclaimed frantically.
"Open, open to him. There's a snowstorm and he is your brother. Monsieur sait-il le temps qu'il fait? C'est a ne pas mettre un chien dehors."*
* Does the gentleman know the weather he's making? It's not weather for a dog.
The knocking continued. Ivan wanted to rush to the window, but something seemed to fetter his arms and legs. He strained every effort to break his chains, but in vain. The knocking at the window grew louder and louder. At last the chains were broken and Ivan leapt up from the sofa. He looked round him wildly. Both candles had almost burnt out, the glass he had just thrown at his visitor stood before him on the table, and there was no one on the sofa opposite. The knocking on the window frame went on persistently, but it was by no means so loud as it had seemed in his dream; on the contrary, it was quite subdued.
"It was not a dream! No, I swear it was not a dream, it all happened just now!" cried Ivan. He rushed to the window and opened the movable pane.
"Alyosha, I told you not to come," he cried fiercely to his brother. "In two words, what do you want? In two words, do you hear?"
"An hour ago Smerdyakov hanged himself," Alyosha answered from the yard.
"Come round to the steps, I'll open at once," said Ivan, going to open the door to Alyosha.
ALYOSHA coming in told Ivan that a little over an hour ago Marya Kondratyevna had run to his rooms and informed him Smerdyakov had taken his own life. "I went in to clear away the samovar and he was hanging on a nail in the wall." On Alyosha's inquiring whether she had informed the police, she answered that she had told no one, "but I flew straight to you, I've run all the way." She seemed perfectly crazy, Alyosha reported, and was shaking like a leaf. When Alyosha ran with her to the cottage, he found Smerdyakov still hanging. On the table lay a note: "I destroy my life of my own will and desire, so as to throw no blame on anyone." Alyosha left the note on the table and went straight to the police captain and told him all about it. "And from him I've come straight to you," said Alyosha, in conclusion, looking intently into Ivan's face. He had not taken his eyes off him while he told his story, as though struck by something in his expression.
"Brother," he cried suddenly, "you must be terribly ill. You look and don't seem to understand what I tell you."
"It's a good thing you came," said Ivan, as though brooding, and not hearing Alyosha's exclamation. "I knew he had hanged himself."
"From whom?"
"I don't know. But I knew. Did I know? Yes, he told me. He told me so just now."
Ivan stood in the middle of the room, and still spoke in the same brooding tone, looking at the ground.
"Who is he?" asked Alyosha, involuntarily looking round.
"He's slipped away."
Ivan raised his head and smiled softly.
"He was afraid of you, of a dove like you. You are a 'pure cherub.' Dmitri calls you a cherub. Cherub!... the thunderous rapture of the seraphim. What are seraphim? Perhaps a whole constellation. But perhaps that constellation is only a chemical molecule. There's a constellation of the Lion and the Sun. Don't you know it?"
"Brother, sit down," said Alyosha in alarm. "For goodness' sake, sit down on the sofa! You are delirious; put your head on the pillow, that's right. Would you like a wet towel on your head? Perhaps it will do you good."
"Give me the towel: it's here on the chair. I just threw it down there."
"It's not here. Don't worry yourself. I know where it is- here," said Alyosha, finding a clean towel, folded up and unused, by Ivan's dressing-table in the other corner of the room. Ivan looked strangely at the towel: recollection seemed to come back to him for an instant.
"Stay"- he got up from the sofa- "an hour ago I took that new towel from there and wetted it. I wrapped it round my head and threw it down here... How is it it's dry? There was no other."
"You put that towel on your head?" asked Alyosha.
"Yes, and walked up and down the room an hour ago... Why have the candles burnt down so? What's the time?"
"Nearly twelve"
"No, no, no!" Ivan cried suddenly. "It was not a dream. He was here; he was sitting here, on that sofa. When you knocked at the window, I threw a glass at him... this one. Wait a minute. I was asleep last time, but this dream was not a dream. It has happened before. I have dreams now, Alyosha... yet they are not dreams, but reality. I walk about, talk and see... though I am asleep. But he was sitting here, on that sofa there.... He is frightfully stupid, Alyosha, frightfully stupid." Ivan laughed suddenly and began pacing about the room.
"Who is stupid? Of whom are you talking, brother?" Alyosha asked anxiously again.
"The devil! He's taken to visiting me. He's been here twice, almost three times. He taunted me with being angry at his being a simple devil and not Satan, with scorched wings, in thunder and lightning. But he is not Satan: that's a lie. He is an impostor. He is simply a devil- a paltry, trivial devil. He goes to the baths. If you undressed him, you'd be sure to find he had a tail, long and smooth like a Danish dog's, a yard long, dun colour.... Alyosha, you are cold. You've been in the snow. Would you like some tea? What? Is it cold? Shall I tell her to bring some? C'est a ne pas mettre un chien dehors..."
Alyosha ran to the washing-stand, wetted the towel, persuaded Ivan to sit down again, and put the wet towel round his head. He sat down beside him.
"What were you telling me just now about Lise?" Ivan began again. (He was becoming very talkative.) "I like Lise. I said something nasty about her. It was a lie. I like her... I am afraid for Katya to-morrow. I am more afraid of her than of anything. On account of the future. She will cast me off to-morrow and trample me under foot. She thinks that I am ruining Mitya from jealousy on her account! Yes, she thinks that! But it's not so. To-morrow the cross, but not the gallows. No, I shan't hang myself. Do you know, I can never commit suicide, Alyosha. Is it because I am base? I am not a coward. Is it from love of life? How did I know that Smerdyakov had hanged himself? Yes, it was he told me so."
"And you are quite convinced that there has been someone here?" asked Alyosha.
"Yes, on that sofa in the corner. You would have driven him away. You did drive him away: he disappeared when you arrived. I love your face, Alyosha. Did you know that I loved your face? And he is myself, Alyosha. All that's base in me, all that's mean and contemptible. Yes, I am a romantic. He guessed it... though it's a libel. He is frightfully stupid; but it's to his advantage. He has cunning, animal cunning- he knew how to infuriate me. He kept taunting me with believing in him, and that was how he made me listen to him. He fooled me like a boy. He told me a great deal that was true about myself, though. I should never have owned it to myself. Do you know, Alyosha," Ivan added in an intensely earnest and confidential tone, "I should be awfully glad to think that it was he and not I."
"He has worn you out," said Alyosha, looking compassionately at his brother.
"He's been teasing me. And you know he does it so cleverly, so cleverly. 'Conscience! What is conscience? I make it up for myself. Why am I tormented by it? From habit. From the universal habit of mankind for the seven thousand years. So let us give it up, and we shall be gods.' It was he said that, it was he said that!"
"And not you, not you?" Alyosha could not help crying, looking frankly at his brother. "Never mind him, anyway; have done with him and forget him. And let him take with him all that you curse now, and never come back!"
"Yes, but he is spiteful. He laughed at me. He was impudent, Alyosha," Ivan said, with a shudder of offence. "But he was unfair to me, unfair to me about lots of things. He told lies about me to my face. 'Oh, you are going to perform an act of heroic virtue: to confess you murdered your father, that the valet murdered him at your instigation.'"
"Brother," Alyosha interposed, "restrain yourself. It was not you murdered him. It's not true!"
"That's what he says, he, and he knows it. 'You are going to perform an act of heroic virtue, and you don't believe in virtue; that's what tortures you and makes you angry, that's why you are so vindictive.' He said that to me about me and he knows what he says."
"It's you say that, not he," exclaimed Alyosha mournfully, "and you say it because you are ill and delirious, tormenting yourself."
"No, he knows what he says. 'You are going from pride,' he says. 'You'll stand up and say it was I killed him, and why do you writhe with horror? You are lying! I despise your opinion, I despise your horror!' He said that about me. 'And do you know you are longing for their praise- "he is a criminal, a murderer, but what a generous soul; he wanted to save his brother and he confessed." That's a lie Alyosha!" Ivan cried suddenly, with flashing eyes. "I don't want the low rabble to praise me, I swear I don't! That's a lie! That's why I threw the glass at him and it broke against his ugly face."
"Brother, calm yourself, stop!" Alyosha entreated him.
"Yes, he knows how to torment one. He's cruel," Ivan went on, unheeding. "I had an inkling from the first what he came for. 'Granting that you go through pride, still you had a hope that Smerdyakov might be convicted and sent to Siberia, and Mitya would be acquitted, while you would only be punished, with moral condemnation' ('Do you hear?' he laughed then)- 'and some people will praise you. But now Smerdyakov's dead, he has hanged himself, and who'll believe you alone? But yet you are going, you are going, you'll go all the same, you've decided to go. What are you going for now?' That's awful, Alyosha. I can't endure such questions. Who dare ask me such questions?"
"Brother," interposed Alyosha- his heart sank with terror, but he still seemed to hope to bring Ivan to reason- "how could he have told you of Smerdyakov's death before I came, when no one knew of it and there was no time for anyone to know of it?"
"He told me," said Ivan firmly, refusing to admit a doubt. "It was all he did talk about, if you come to that. 'And it would be all right if you believed in virtue,' he said. 'No matter if they disbelieve you, you are going for the sake of principle. But you are a little pig like Fyodor Pavlovitch, and what do you want with virtue? Why do you want to go meddling if your sacrifice is of no use to anyone? Because you don't know yourself why you go! Oh, you'd give a great deal to know yourself why you go! And can you have made up your mind? You've not made up your mind. You'll sit all night deliberating whether to go or not. But you will go; you know you'll go. You know that whichever way you decide, the decision does not depend on you. You'll go because you won't dare not to go. Why won't you dare? You must guess that for yourself. That's a riddle for you!' He got up and went away. You came and he went. He called me a coward, Alyosha! Le mot de l'enigme is that I am a coward. 'It is not for such eagles to soar above the earth.'It was he added that- he! And Smerdyakov said the same. He must be killed! Katya despises me. I've seen that for a month past. Even Lise will begin to despise me! 'You are going in order to be praised.' That's a brutal lie! And you despise me too, Alyosha. Now I am going to hate you again! And I hate the monster, too! I hate the monster! I don't want to save the monster. Let him rot in Siberia! He's begun singing a hymn! Oh, to-morrow I'll go, stand before them, and spit in their faces!"
He jumped up in a frenzy, flung off the towel, and fell to pacing up and down the room again. Alyosha recalled what he had just said. "I seem to be sleeping awake... I walk, I speak, I see, but I am asleep." It seemed to be just like that now. Alyosha did not leave him. The thought passed through his mind to run for a doctor, but he was afraid to leave his brother alone: there was no one to whom he could leave him. By degrees Ivan lost consciousness completely at last. He still went on talking, talking incessantly, but quite incoherently, and even articulated his words with difficulty. Suddenly he staggered violently; but Alyosha was in time to support him. Ivan let him lead him to his bed. Alyosha undressed him somehow and put him to bed. He sat watching over him for another two hours. The sick man slept soundly, without stirring, breathing softly and evenly. Alyosha took a pillow and lay down on the sofa, without undressing.
As he fell asleep he prayed for Mitya and Ivan. He began to understand Ivan's illness. "The anguish of a proud determination. An earnest conscience!" God, in Whom he disbelieved, and His truth were gaining mastery over his heart, which still refused to submit. "Yes," the thought floated through Alyosha's head as it lay on the pillow, "yes, if Smerdyakov is dead, no one will believe Ivan's evidence; but he will go and give it." Alyosha smiled softly. "God will conquer!" he thought. "He will either rise up in the light of truth, or... he'll perish in hate, revenging on himself and on everyone his having served the cause he does not believe in," Alyosha added bitterly, and again he prayed for Ivan.
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